13 yr old Bed time?

[happygolucky0]

Hi I was wondering what time you think is a good time for bed. My son is 13 yrs old and it is such a struggle every night to get him to go to bed. He likes to go at 10pm. However I feel by Saturday he is shattered and doesn't want to do anything.

He tells me that that it is hard to get to sleep and his friends are watching t.v programmes that are on at 9 to 10pm. He is awake at 6.30am and is good at getting up in the mornings, I was just worried he is so tired at the weekends which is taking away family time as he is too grumpy and tired.
thanks for any replies

[nooka]

I've a 12 year old and a 10 year old. They both go to bed at 9, lights off at 9.30, and get up at 7.30 for school. At weekends we are a little more flexible about bedtime, especially if they have friends over, and they sleep in for as long as they like (as I do).

[JulieAbbott]

My Daughter is 13 and a half she gets up on School-Days at 7.15am - no problem,She goes to Bed at 10.00pm on School-Days. Weekends she goes to bed when we do which is normally 11ish sometimes 12 and we say she can lay-in although she seems to get up by 8ish most weekends whatever time she goes to bed. In School Holidays we pretty much stick to the same routine otherwise she will get Ill and Grumpy if treated as all weekends.

[MyNameIsCaz]

Hi my Ds is 12 and has never needed much sleep he goes up to bed on a school night about 10 but is usually asleep by 11, gets up at 7.30am. Weekends he goes to bed about 11.30 with us and is up about 8am he doesn't do lie ins, never seems to complain of being tired, if anything he has way too much energy! Thank the Lord for Rugby and stunt scooters!

[mumsamilitant]

DS is 13 and has always found it hard to go to sleep. Used to drive me mad but managed to do the bath, reading for half hour and lights off at 9.30. That was before he became 13 (going on 18). Now its lights out at 10.30 but I'm sure he doesnt go to sleep some nights before midnight, what can I do? I have to have my sleep and cant wait around for him to go off. School around the corner so doesnt need to get up until 7.45. At weekends he goes to sleep when he wants as long as he gets up for Sea Cadets on a Sunday.

[sharon2609]

I agree Maryz. If I tried to send DD to bed at 8 or 9 we'd still be arguing about it at midnight! Def wise to pick your battles.

[happygolucky0]

True true I think it probably stems from being on my own with him and not wanting him to take the mick. I don't really mind him being up late thats not the problem its the grumpyness after the lack of sleep that I dislike. He isn't very good at wanting his pit so left to it probably be up half the night!!

[DandyDan]

It really is variable, I have to add. If your children are heavy needy sleepers, or if they need to get up early for school (a long journey), or if they're useless at getting up so get up later for school, then it's reasonable to encourage them to have an earlier bedtime.

Within a few years, that pre-teen/13 yr old is essentially an adult, and can stay up all night if they like and suffer the consequences, so it's quite important in my book to get them to learn how to self-police their sleep requirements (with a bit of a nudge). Also I was never forbidden from reading as long as I wanted at night-time, even if it made me tired in the mornings and I want the same for my kids - the benefits there outweigh the negatives, I feel. Similarly with watching TV programmes that are slightly beyond their level - I'm fairly liberal about such things, so long as I'm watching them with them.

But it's a personal thing, and very much dependent on how much sleep your child seems to need.

[happygolucky0]

Lol@ Maryz that sounds like a good way of dealing with it to honest. I don't think you have given up probably learnt from experience of the 17 year old that it is less stressful that way.

Some of you seem really easy going I am begining to think I am too hard on him now!

[DandyDan]

For a 13 yr old in half-term, staying at home?

Go to bed before me (if only five minutes before), but can stay up reading once in bed till whenever.

Sleep in, but no later than midday

Hopefully eat midday lunch/dinner with us but if not, definitely eat with us at the evening meal.

[theredhen]

Laurie - Your daughter sounds like my son.

He is nearly 13 and goes up at 8pm and lights out at 8.30pm. I have to wake him at 7am. When we lived alone I used to let him stay up til gone 10pm on Fri / Sat if we were entertaining a friend or out and about but he always slept for 11 or 12 hours.

DP falls asleep easily at 9.30pm, so this gives us adult time.

We now live with DP and I have been amazed at how little sleep his kids seem to need compared to DS. His 7 yr old gets less sleep most nights than DS usually gets!

[happygolucky0]

Thanks for again for your comments. Looking back over the thread seems most kids are going to bed around 10pm but the differance is they most are staying in bed untill 7am or later. Again this could be the problem as he always wants to be in school half an hour early so is up 6.30am maybe burning the candle at both ends!!

Only managed two nights to bed at 9pm this week last night back to 10.30 ish as wanted to watch the Brit awards. Tells me recorded stuff is old news... past its sale by date !!! Got to give it to them they have a answer for everything!

Anyway guys the half term is coming whats your rules then??

[cocolepew]

DD is 13 and it's anytime between 9 and 10. If she's tired she'll just turn her light off.

[LaurieFairyCake]

There was some study done maryz that you can't 'catch up' more than 3 hours at once. Apologies, I can't find it right now. It sounds like he could do with better sleep during the week.

That's a lot of homework, dd only gets about 25 minutes ish a night. She then does about half hour piano practise. No sport after school though, she's home at 3.40.

She likes her sleep, and dh goes to bed at 9.30 so we need adult time together too.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

DD goes at 9 mostly, gets up at 6. But watches Glee on a Monday, so that's later, Guides midweek and that's nearer 10. She's quite good a self regulating though, if she's tired she will just go early.

When she was a baby she didn't sleep much at all, it was shocking. I wish I knew then that come this age she would love sleeping!!

[LaurieFairyCake]

Some of those would be boring for her, loads I dont watch. We do watch the antiques roadshow together that's earlier.

We don't have tv on for the sake of it though. The shows I think are unsuitable for her age group are soap operas like eastenders which I notice was on at 7.30.

I recorded Human planet and she did watch a bit of it but she was bored fairly quickly. I also record glee for her as I think they have a really positive message even though the sex stuff is a tiny bit adult for her.

[DandyDan]

Really?

Like University Challenge or Masterchef, or Grand Designs or the programme on BBC4 last night about illuminated manuscripts which my under-13 yr old watched? The Human Planet on Thursday? Or David Attenborough on Madagascar tomorrow night? Wild at Heart or Downton Abbey or the Antiques Roadshow on a Sunday?

I can see there might be programmes after nine that some parents (though not all) would have concerns about - Spooks, Casualty, Being Human, Glee, Skins, maybe even Holby City or Waterloo Road - but 8pm is extraordinarily early for an almost-13 yr old.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Dd , nearly 13 goes at 8 and reads til 8.30. She's asleep by 9 and up at 7.45.

At weekends she goes at the same time but reads or plays music til 9.

She doesn't argue and I don't think programmes after 8 are particularly suitable for her age group.

[Wysiwig]

Bedtime is a battleground with my 13yo DS. Always has been to be fair, but what with all the other dynamics of the teenage years it's a battle I would concede if I could. I'm exhausted by it all, I really am. If I want an early night I have to "make" him go to bed when I do..oh my word "but it's only 9pm, why do I have to go to bed now" blah blah then the arguments start and I'm now so angry/sad/hurt/disappointed I'm awake...and it's only just begun...