My feed

to access all these features

Join to connect with others in similar situations and discuss legal processes, costs, well-being, and types of surrogacy.


Surrogacy help

33 replies

Mumwife16716 · 22/11/2018 12:54

Hi all! My first time posting and only just actually set up my page! We're looking for some advice along the subject of surrogacy..
We already have children that yes, we are very proud of, and are very grateful for being blessed with.
The thing is though, we are desperate to extend our family with one more bubba!
We have tried for almost 2 years with no luck with conceiving naturally! It's almost as if our chances have stopped.. so we've been looking into the likes of another woman carrying a baby for us, more than likely with her own egg and my husband's sperm.
Some advice, help, guidance from anyone would be greatly appreciated and id also appreciate it if we didn't receive any negative feedback! (This took a lot of courage lol) thanks in advance x Grin

OP posts:
Mumwife16716 · 22/11/2018 20:01

Anyone? X

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 22/11/2018 20:31

Hi op, sorry no advice but I don't think this board gets much traffic.

Maybe try posting under the 'chat' topic? Or 'parenting'. And you'll probably get some replies x

Mumwife16716 · 22/11/2018 22:24

Thank you hunni Xx

OP posts:
beepbeep321 · 24/11/2018 10:16

Hia, have you looked into why you are not conceiving naturally? Before you look in

beepbeep321 · 24/11/2018 10:19

Didn't finish typing! Surrogacy is a very hard process to go through...worth every second though. And is usually only something undertaken once ips (intended parents) have exhausted all routes. There are facebook groups you can join.

Proseccopanda · 27/11/2018 19:30

As has been said, it's a difficult process, and there are also the surrogates expenses to consider, which can be anything up to 20k.

I'd second heading over to Facebook, as there are a few groups on there.

DowntonCrabby · 01/12/2018 21:06

I’d love to and feel I could be a surrogate, In recent years, especially since completing my own family I have thought about it more and more.
I could only ever consider being a host surrogate where the embryo was not genetically linked to me in any way.

I have so much respect for both surrogates and those who feel taking that path may complete their family.

IreneCh · 05/12/2018 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nakoadams · 11/12/2018 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Elvia33P · 20/03/2019 08:11

Just wanted to leave my opinion here if by any chance you, OP, are still in need of advice. I truly support your decision. Surrogacy is very common nowadays. I'd suggest you looking into gestational surrogacy, as in my opinion, it is better than the traditional one. But it is only my opinion.
Good luck!

missmarry · 28/03/2019 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Fenti · 28/06/2020 16:20

Due to a medical condition, am.looking into gestayional surrogacy. Have looked around abroad andvthe ilaya clinic seemed the more positive of options a saw. Wondering if anyone hete knows more? Understand some people are strongly opposed for various reasons, have read some tragic comments, but also fairly hostile ones.
Am just hoping to hear from someone who has been to ilaya or knows more details

OhHolyJesus · 28/06/2020 17:45

If you want to exploit women and buy a baby then the Ukraine is right up your street.

You might not have your parental rights recognised in your country and if a second spike of Covid hits you could be banned from entering the country but you'll be sure to get a cheap deal.

The Ukraine is looking into the laws of commercial surrogacy so if you were to embark on this soon you might find the law has changed by the time the baby is born.

I'm sorry you aren't able to carry your own child but a woman does not have to offer your her body because you want a baby.

Fenti · 28/06/2020 20:38

Ah, right. I was of course intending to travel over to Europe with an infectious disease, kidnap a woman at random and force her into carrying my spawn of evil and to defy any potential changes in the law with my army of badass lawyers.
If a family member or friend would offer to be gestational surrogate, would that more acceptable? Probably not. You might think that I'm using a medical condition I have no control over into making feel guilty so I intentionally coerced them.
Anyway, this is off topic.
sinply wanted o know if anyone here had been to that particular clinic and whet they're experience was? If it is up to code and how potential surrogates are treated before, during and after a pregnancy.
As I aid previously, I have come across fairly hostile comments. Thank you for adding to that list and assuming you know me to be selfish and have no compassion for other human beings.
I will keep my opinions about the kind of person you seem to be, although I'll know if you bother answering this, unless it's been deleted.
Good luck in you future opinionated and righteous undertakings.

OhHolyJesus · 28/06/2020 21:29

Surrogacy is not acceptable in any form to me as it is a human rights violation and you are creating a child with the deliberate and immediate intention of removing this child from the mother, the only home the baby has known. I don't care who's egg was extracted and sperm was ejaculate and which doctors made the embryo, the result, should you be successful, is a real life human who didn't ask for this.

It's you who asked for this, or is here now asking for help to make this happen.

You ask specifically about a clinic in Ukraine because it's cheap and possible legally to maintain 'ownership' of the baby at birth. You do this, in the likely knowledge of all those babies who are without their mothers and without their biological parents, being cared for in a hotel by numerous nameless 'professional babysitters'. 125 babies at my last count. 125 real life human babies screaming for their mothers. How distributive it will be when their parents finally collect them and how torturous it will be for that newborn to be removed from the professional babysitters since they were their primary carers.

How you could witness that and think that is something attractive and something to aim for is beyond shocking.

If you go ahead with this I would suggest that you refuse to participate in anything where you do not have direct and honest communication with the surrogate mother, you speak the same language and maintain regular contact. Many clinics in Ukraine actively discourage this as it can blow their cover about the money, conditions and treatment of the mother as well as the health of the baby. Ask them how many babies are born with brain damage. Ask them about where the baby is born and how much a private hospital is and what happens if the mother develops Preeclampsia or has a miscarriage. Check back over columns posted by Sophie Beresiner and how many women she has used for eggs and surrogacy to date (think she went for Russia rather than the Ukraine but I'm sure she will have some tips for you).

If you are in the UK then do it here. Don't try to circumvent the law for a bargain deal. Exploit a woman here, one who is doing it 'altruistically', who speaks the same language and understand the laws and her rights, don't go to another country to exploit a woman there who is desperate, who is she is hiring out her body as it's the only currency she has left to feed her own children.

Your medical condition and/or infertility doesn't buy you a license to break UK law and buy a baby.

FannyCann · 28/06/2020 22:01

Here you are @Fenti

An abundance of poor women to choose from. That's why Ukraine is the way to go right?

"With permissive legislation, high-quality private maternity hospitals and an abundance of poor women, Ukraine has in recent years become the leading country providing surrogacy services to foreigners,"

Oh, and don't get too excited about that "high quality" maternity care....

"He says other investigations involved allegations of fraud and even a human trafficking inquiry in 2016, after an Italian couple discovered in 2011 that the children they had taken home were not genetically related to them..... He blames the error on a lack of experience when the clinic was only a year old, and says: “I don’t think it was only us who used to make mistakes here. If someone starts checking DNA, there will be a lot of scandals.”  

Of course if you don't mind whether the baby is genetically related to either you or your partner you won't mind receiving whatever baby was gestated by the impoverished woman you thought you were paying to produce a baby just for you.

FannyCann · 28/06/2020 22:11

“I didn’t want to give her away, I was crying,” Liudmyla recalls. She says that after two days of caring for the infant in the maternity ward, letting her go was a wrench. “But I knew what it was all about.” 
"A shop assistant and a single mother, Luidmyla struggled for years to find a home for herself and her own three children that would be better than the one room in a hostel that they had. So in 2017 she went to a surrogacy clinic, and with the money she was able to take out a mortgage on an apartment. Even though she was placed in an intensive care unit as a result of complications in the pregnancy, Liudmyla decided to have a second surrogate baby to pay back most of the loan for the flat."

That's right. A woman who ended up in intensive care, but hey, she's impoverished enough so let's give it another go.

What will you do if the baby is premature and damaged? How would you afford to pay for the mother to have a spell in intensive care? Or is that left to the state to provide? What about intensive care for a premature baby? Who pays for that?

Fenti · 29/06/2020 14:23

Ok, so I now have 2 people saying that I am willing to exploit another human being, create a human being for my own selfiah reasons that I am basically 'kidnapping' and just attracting hostility. I posted a very simple question thag has not been answered. Thought this site was okay to ask questions without prejudice.

OhHolyJesus · 29/06/2020 14:52

It's a parenting forum and there are different discussion boards throughout. Everyone has their prejudices and due to free speech we are able to express them (without inciting violence). It's something I'm grateful to MN for media coverage of surrogacy is broadly very biased and MN's commitment to free speech is rare.

There are plenty of places to get advice from, there are many Facebook groups and you could approach the clinic themselves for testimonials (although they are only going to put you in touch with those with positive stories) but you will have to do your own due diligence on this one, there are no shortcuts.

If you wanted affirming and unquestioning support of your plans then you should perhaps try elsewhere. There are plenty of people on old threads who will tell you what a difficult but amazing journey it was and how they have a wonderful family, you could also find some surrogate mothers who have done it for cash, but what you are unlikely to find are the ones who regretted it or lost their wombs from it (or the babies who miss their mothers) For obvious reasons these probably don't want to talk about it.

Here's one who did.

You could also look up donor conceived children and see how they feel about their conception as adults.

Fenti · 29/06/2020 16:27

I understand that not everything is wine and roses and that any type of service will only advertise the positive aspects.
Free speech is a great freedom. I accept that some people will be opinonated and prejudiced, although sometimes flawed.
Hey, Ku Klux Klan were just voicing their opinion weren't they.
Anyway, I'm not going to carry on with this. If anyone else here is ok with possibly
answering my initial question, positive or negative, I'd be grateful for the info.

OhHolyJesus · 29/06/2020 17:15

We are all flawed and I'm pretty sure the KKK did incite and commit violence.

As you say, the 'service' you seek will project a positive image, even though there are bans on advertising in the U.K. for surrogacy egg donations but people (include British Surrogacy Centre) still break the law.

Just do your due diligence, don't believe everything you hear and if you find a woman, or several women, to 'service' your 'needs' I hope they are ok mentally, physically and emotionally and remain so after they have handed over the 'goods'.

FannyCann · 29/06/2020 19:38

any type of service will only advertise the positive aspects.

So it is a service you seek - renting a womb for gestational services before completing the deal with the purchase of a baby.

I accept that some people will be opinonated and prejudiced

@Fenti I have been researching surrogacy for two years now. I calculate I spent well over 100 hours preparing my responses to the Law Commission surrogacy consultation.

Since then I have continued to read books, listen to podcasts, seek out research papers and court papers relating to law cases where problems have come to court, watch documentaries and of course read articles from various sources.

With a biased media it is easy enough to find positive representations of surrogacy with reports from celebrities and other grateful customers. But scratch the surface, dig a bit deeper and there is a wealth of information which gives a closer examination of the risks and problems.
There is literally nothing I have read, outside of Hello magazine type articles which leaves me in any doubt about the harms associated with surrogacy. Opinionated? Yes, I have formed opinions as a result of extensive research. Prejudiced? Absolutely not.

You want to go abroad, to an impoverished country, to pay a poor woman to carry a baby for you. Have you done the research?

You couldn't even be bothered to start your own thread, you piggy backed onto two old threads here. So surprise me do if you can claim to have done due diligence. And yet you are the one who will be paying good money. Expecting to take home a healthy baby, genetically related to either you or your partner I assume. Do you know what precautions it might be wise to take, to maximise your chances that the baby will be born healthy? Hint, I personally wouldn't choose a surrogate who had ended up in ICU at her previous birth, not just out of a moral imperative to protect the woman but because using (yes, I use the word, using) a woman with a poor obstetric history is not a sensible place to start. A premature baby might well end up with significant health and learning disabilities. Will you be happy to take home a damaged baby?
But it's your money. I suggest you put in the hours of research before you part with it.

Fenti · 29/06/2020 22:05

Fine. Am not going to waste any more energy here.

FannyCann · 29/06/2020 22:59

LOL. You've expended less energy than a hibernating sloth.

Fenti · 30/06/2020 03:28

Sloths don't hibernate. I don't know why you go out of your way to make people who are a asking a question you obviously don't like to feel like they've committed some vicious felony? Does behaving like this make you feel like you have a purpose or 'protecting those who can't protect themselves'?
I said that wouldn't waste any more energy on this inane conversation...but based on the LOL, wouldn't surprise me if you were some random teenager who is feeling bored during lock-down and trying to keep themselves amused.Also, the claimed '100 hours of research' can be done in seconds via Google.
A kind of curious to if you have children...

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.