Fed up of being a slave

[PurpleFrames]

I'm sorry if this a grumpy post.

Background- I'm currently on a medical replacement for opiate addiction.

I'm so frustrated- I thought I was finally free from being a slave to drugs, needing to get them, needing money for them, finding time to source them, hiding them from others.

In reality now I'm just a slave to my drugs worker and the pharmacy opening times.

They can withdraw my prescription at any time and then I would be in agony for several days (even if I went back to my drug of choice, as my substitute contains a blocker).

They can dictate the appointments, the time, the method of my prescription.

I am to blame. I should have never picked up. I would love to not have mental health issues and a simple life.

Sorry for a moan
I'm just having a cry and wobble
Being forced to appointments to be criticised and dictated to feels so shitty

(Please be kind)

[PurpleFrames]

Thank you for your kind words @whereishappyat

I'm not totally clean in all honesty @sam235corner I do use on top of my substitute 1-3 times a week. I don't drink at all.

I have nearly finished time limited therapy with a pyscologist as I am under a mental health team as my mental health is my primary issue.

Sorry to hear your family member is struggling, our disease is a relapsing condition... wishing you both all the best

[sam235corner]

Sorry to read this post PurpleFrames.
I have personal experience of this situation, not myself but someone very close to me.
All I would say is, if you're managing to keep off opiates, other drugs and alcohol and are sticking with the substitute only you are doing very well indeed.
Perhaps when you're stable you could consider a very slow taper, even if it's only 1mg a month with the hope that one day you will be free. It can and does happen for those people who want to be free of drugs and substitutes. Have you had therapy? If you are not using other drugs you can ask for a referral to other mental health services. You might also want to try a different drug worker, no one should feel they are being treated badly. The person close to me has a lovely nurturing key worker and it's made all the difference. Although he is still struggling terribly with relapses at the moment.

[whereishappyat]

I don't really have any advice or anything constructive to add actually, I just read your post and wanted to say well done for taking the steps you have already. I'm not a recovering addict, nor do I have any experience with it but I believe EVERYBODY deserves help and a chance to change and I'm happy for you. Good luck, and even though you feel a slave to your worker and pharmacy opening times... just think that is still more positive to being a slave to drugs and one day you will be a slave to nobody or nothing! Well done again.