Garlic's flat arse

[garlicbutter]

My arse has fallen down overnight! I swear it was bum-shaped yesterday. Today it's merged into my thighs. Most alarming

I'm no fan of 'programmes', as some of you will know, and am too ill to do proper exercise (long-term, not flu.) But I can do a set of back-kicks once or twice a day. And start a thread, so I feel obliged to keep it going!

Everything else went south years ago. My backside is was all I have left.

[squoosh]

I am going to attempt the 30 day squat challenge, my arse isn't happy about it but I've told it that it doesn't have a choice in the matter.

[herbaceous]

Watching with interest. Apparently 'gluteal amnesia' is a thing, causing much sagging and flattening.

To make my arse remember what it's there for, I've discovered that walking up stairs standing as straight as possible engages those forgetful glutes, and has caused mild uplift.

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

Arsercise works!

Can I just point out....exactly a week after I was on ere moaning about my arse..... Dh told me that it was suddenly v pert! Results already!..anybody else?

[garlicbutter]

A DVD??

[gaggiagirl]

ARSERCISE!!!!!!!! just nearly weed myself laughing.

That's a great word, a word that must be spread!

[garlicbutter]

In a fresh approach (already!), I'm trying one minute of arsercise at a time, hopefully ten times a day ... Have done all of 3 sets so far. Well, it's three minutes more than I was doing!! I've also done 5 mins vacuuming, which isn't exercise but is a problem for me, so I'm giving myself a bronze star for that

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

You're very kind but the truth is I'm bit of a munter right now, three stone baby weight to shift, cs overhang that would fail the wine bottle test in front, and an ass that is both huge AND flabby!

I want a 'black ass' !!! One of my mates has the most magnificent high ass and she used to get the same compliment....

[Lazysuzanne]

Fergus, I gotta say you look as if you have good calves!

[Lazysuzanne]

well boobs are different, it is possible (at least in theory) to have a rock hard solid muscle sort of arse, but thats never going to be possible with boobs.
Then again I suppose a woman with small breasts and large pectoral muscles could have solid muscle boobs but then they'd be pecs not bosoms, a bottom is a bottom whether it is bowling ball or jelly.

I wish I had a much bigger behind:o

[garlicbutter]

I assume so, Suzanne

Gaggia, I've given up on the boob sag! Even the pecs of Superman wouldn't hold mine up - though I could probably suspend him in mid-air by wedging him underneath. They're not even that big, just floppy.

I've just been to the shop and was really feeble. Yesterday's extra half-mile wasn't a great idea, despite refreshment stops. I hurt. My bum might have to settle for a couple of half-hearted leg lifts tonight :(

I actually think you've both got very nice bums! Yours is girlish, Gaggia, and Fergus has a womanly rear end. BUT a backside can never be too perky, can it?! Best compliment I ever had was from a big Brixton momma, who was walking behind me when I lived there. "Girl," she said, "You got a black ass!" ... Perhaps you have to live in Brixton to know what an accolade that was (for a white woman) I'm not aiming for "black" this time round, I'll be satisfied with an even surface.

[gaggiagirl]

I think that's a fab butt fergus
garlic I love the motivational diagram.

I could hold all of WH smith under my boobs.

[Lazysuzanne]

where abouts exactly is the pencil held in the arse/pencil test, not in the crease under the buttocks surely?

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

Here we go, I like the motivational diagram! My arse can't only just hold a pencil....i tried first with a highlighter! however my saddlebags could hold an entire army of pencil sharpening elves. See exhibit A.

[garlicbutter]

Oh, I've just realised the photos hadn't gone wrong; they made a little slide show! Of my saggy arse, how special.

Thanks, Gaggia, but there's a little too much sponge and sag. I've made myself a motivational diagram

[gaggiagirl]

You have got a good butt there garlic!

I don't have enough arse to hold a pencil I wouldn't mind being able to!

Primark have lift and shape jeans they are pretty good and about £12.

[garlicbutter]

But you wouldn't be able to ride your gadget, for fear of displacing them!

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

Ten of them would buy me butt implants!

[garlicbutter]

Haha, Fergus, I had to google that! It looks like fun ... I'd rather have a Wii, mind.

For £400, couldn't you buy a real hoss? Or at least a share in one?[ignorant]

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

It should be possible....after all, you'd need to raise it only an inch or so.. Do you know what I secretly reallllly want for Christmas? An I-joy ride thang. Tis a mechanical hoss......

[garlicbutter]

Pencil test? Good grief, Fergus, is it actually possible to have such a high-slung bum that it won't hold a pencil?! [awestruck]

[garlicbutter]

I really don't know what happened there! Can't face uploading my backside in all its shapeless glory again. This'll have to do. Ithaka, I would LOVE a wii fit, but have no money for games kit.

Callan is late (am pretending to be disappointed) so I've just done ten of those donkey kicks each side and am ... working up slowly. I walked an extra half-mile today, too, though I did offset it by stopping for a latte and a beer. Callan would be shocked.

[garlicbutter]

Heh, notyummy! Here's "Sad Sack" by Garlic's Flat Arse
I don't see a future for this band, tbh ...

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

I've done 25 leg raises....I want to pass the pencil test by Christmas....(v unlikely)

[gaggiagirl]

I'm going to look into callanetics it sounds do-able.

[notyummy]

Is it just me, or would 'Garlic's Flat Arse' make a good name for an indie rock band ?

Keep going all. Callan can work wonders (if you do am exactly as she says. It is all about technique, control and getting the movement correct.