Why do I always make the wrong decisions at the hairdressers?

[JudithOfThePeace]

I hate my hair, which doesn't help. It's fine but frizzy/wavy. Brunette. Cow's lick at the front.

I go the hairdresser's or a mum from school comes to my house. I ask for a specific haircut - today shoulder length with layers - and they do exactly as I ask. And it always looks shit on me. I've had two children and after each one I had my hair cut into a bob. Both times it looked shit and mumsy. Fuck knows why I forgot that the first time and did it again after the second.

My hair was long enough this morning that I could do anything with it. And now it's mid length and layered and shite again. WHY?!

I'm so fed up of having crap hair. It always looks frumpy. Does anyone have any advice at all on how to have half-decent hair?!

[Chandon]

You need a plan.

How much can you afford on a haircut? Find an experienced hairdresser, call around salons, ask who is good with longer, fine hair ( for example).

Go to a traditional or posh salon, somewhere trendy will just give you the latest cool do without thinking if it suits you.

I love my hairdresser, as when I first came he asessed my hair, my face and even my height ( at 6ft a pixie do would make me look like a man), and explained what he thought would eb the mst flattering cut to suit me and my lifestyle ( no time for endless hair drying).

Now I know what a good hairdresser is like, I can never go back to some indifferent trainee.

There is a good haircut out there for everyone. For me, male hairdressers have always given me better (prettier, younger) cuts than female ones, but do not know enough hairdressers to say this is a rule of thumb.

[sazpops]

Definitely agree with younger stylists seeing you as old and giving you a mumsy cut. I finally got a good cut from a lovely 30 something male stylist, who didn't seem to think it odd that a 50 something woman wanted a funky short hairstyle. I did actually say to him that I didn't want 'old woman's hair' and he took that on board. Perhaps it's because men actually want women to look nice?

Trouble is, I've moved now and spent the last year trekking round salons again, getting the 'mumsy' - but last time I took a photo in to the middle-aged-ish stylist and was insistent that 'yes, I really do want it that short' and 'no I really don't want you to dry it with a brush and loads of mousse' and came out really pleased with the result.

[JudithOfThePeace]

Thanks so much everyone. Chandon, you're right, I need a plan.

Kara - I don't think I'm brave enough for a pixie cut!! How long is your hair now? Do you have pics for Monday?!

The consensus of opinion is that I need to look around for hairdressers. As it's currently a mum from school (sort of a friend of a friend - you know the sort of thing) this might be tricky but probably necessary.

How do I ensure my hair is in good condition? Anyone got any tips for colouring dark brown hair? I'm not sure on the colouring thing because I like my dark brown hair and I want to make the most of it before going grey. I'm 31 and only have 2 grey hairs (well, had - they went pronto!). My mum didn't start going grey until her 40s , so I'm hopeful I have some time left!!

[jamaisjedors]

I agree with the tips about the hairdressers.

My hairdresser (stumbled on by chance in my 20s) is male, my age (heading for 40) and runs the salon with his wife who is the same age but looks kind of topshop cool and quite edgy iyswim - and he does too.

He never gives me a mumsy cut (although because I don't go back often enough and am rubbish with a hairdryer it sometimes goes that way) and in fact, what I love about him is that I arrive, and he tells me what he thinks he should do, checks it's ok, and then does it.

He's the one who should know about the latest haircuts and what works with my hair, so I trust him, I don't have time for that kind of research!

good luck

[Chandon]

See, my fab hairdresser does not talk me into colouring my hair, as he says the natural colour is good, and I hardly have any grey, and best to focus on a good cut!

Sounds like there is no need for you to colour your hair.

You could also ask around, ask friends whose hair looks good who their hairdresser is, people like the compliment in the quetion.

The tricky thing is how not to upset your mumfriend, nightmare. Maybe buy yourself a voucher, then tell her you were gifted a voucher for a salon?....

[cerealqueen]

My advice is to never ever sit back and relax with a magazine and a coffee when there is a person wielding a pair of scissors near your head. Watch what they are doing. Occasionally get them to stop so you can, with your hand or a mirror, check they aren't cutting effing short useless layers into your hair despite you asking for no effing short layers.

I say this as somebody who has smiled and grinned at choppy layered cut thinking it looks lovely but how the hell will I style it, then got home and next morning cried with frustration and tied hair back and used multiple slides and grips to keep it in place till it grew again.

You have my sympathies. I agree with getting older stylish person with great hair to cut your hair - if you see anybody with hair like yours who looks great ask them where they have it cut.