Ear piercing for young girls - when and if?..

[ShipleyGlen]

My DD is 4 years old and wants her ears pierced - so that she can wear earrings just like me. She has an older cousin with ears pierced as well and is envious. Her cousin told her it is very very painful, but my DD still says she wants her ears pierced, and wear earring like mummy. In my home country it is pretty much standard to get ears pierced around age 5, and girls who don't,.. they sort of look 'different'. But here in the UK I see a lot of girls who don't have their ears pierced, so not sure what is the norm here, if there is any, and whether having earrings will benefit my girl, or will it be more of a pain - because of not being able to wear them to school etc etc.

I like to wear earrings myself but somehow not all that keen to get my DD's ears pierced at an age when she doesn't fully understand the procedure. Then again if she'll want them pierced anyway, then doing this at a young age is better because children forget the pain so quickly.

Thank you all for your thoughts and wisdom!..

[Clarence15]

On a practical note, no-one seems to have mentioned that having your ears pierced REALLY HURTS My dd had hers done last summer when she was 8 and she was in floods of tears after the first one. She nearly didn't get the second one done and it was all a bit traumatic despite her being desperate to get them done.

If any of her friends asks her about it now she tells them it really hurt and it's put them off! Also, despite being told she could take them out 6 weeks after having them pierced it's taken her until this week (nearly 12 months later ) to take them out as she's nervous about them hurting. She has to put tape on them for PE and swimming as she hasn't been able to take them out.

I think they need to be old enough to take responsibility for covering them etc so 4 prob is too young. I also know of at least 2 who have got infections and have had to take them out (including me)

[InvaderZim]

She definitely needs to be old enough to take them in and out herself, some year 5 girls wanted me to put theirs back in when I was a TA. Yuch! Of course, it would have been a torturous experience for them anyways as I haven't had pierced ears since I was 12!

[ShipleyGlen]

Thank you everyone for your comments, especially those honest ones saying it would look horrid on a 4 year old. It helps me to see it through your eyes - which is exactly what I need.

strawberryjelly - yes of course I don't have to do everything that my DD asks for, but at the moment I'm not sure what is the right thing to do. Hence the question. I don't find her request unreasonable, but at the same time I'm not fully aware of whether it's a sensible thing to do in this country. I can sort of see what people mean about cheap/chavvy though. I think it's a shame earrings have this reputation here. Earrings can look very pretty and it's such an easy way to accesorize!

AvonCallingBarksdale - "OP, I'm interested in why you think it could benefit your DD" - If this were in my home country I would feel that I'm letting her down by not doing it at an early age (and especially as she wants to! - whatever that means at the age of 4). I would feel that she'd want to do it anyway later, but it would be harder for her to have the guts to do so when she's older, and of course she'd remember the pain more. My ears were done around that age and I seriously do not have any memories about the procedure whatsoever. In this way I think it's of benefit to do it early.

mo3d - yes, she's brave, she's been through some nasty falls and accidents before because she's so active and her ability to tolerate acute pain is quite incredible. Good to hear that your 9 y.old can be open with you about her wishing to be a boy. It's so important for kids to know they can share anything with their parents - congrats on being so close to each other!

I'm quite relieved to learn that so many girls do it at the age of 8, 10 and over, and also that some girls choose not to do it full stop. I'd be more comfortable for my DD to make up her own mind when she's older. As I say my only concern is that I may be doing her disservice by delaying it until she's more aware of the pain associated with the procedure.

Clarence15 - yes it's painful and there'll surely be a flood of tears, but then again she still cries inconsolably when I wash her hair, so I don't really think it will be such a big deal long-term. Will probably vanish altogether from her memories by age 7.

[TheSmallClanger]

I think it's a fallacy that children don't remember pain. Think of how many people have aversions to things like walking down escalators, or riding horses, due to painful early experiences. We might not remember it consciously, but it affects us.

[madmomma]

my daughter is 13 and has just had hers done, but if she'd have wanted, I'd have let her from 11. I think it looks common on little ones, but it's not a big deal and there are far worse things. Maybe it would be a pain for you having to keep them disinfected & turned everyday etc?

[startail]

4 would get you odd looks here (ok I live in rural middle England)
My DDs had theirs done for their 11th and 10th birthdays. That's about the usual time here, so they are sure they can take them out for high-school PE.

[peasandlove]

I had mine done at 6 or 7 by my own choice. My dad took me to get them done. I dont recall it hurting that much, and I'd pierced my own ears a further 10 or so times by the time I was 14 .
To add what everyone is saying about babies, I took my then 9mth old DD to Thailand and everyone assumed she was a boy, even wearing a flowery dress and I'm sure it's because we didnt have her ears pierced and wearing necklaces etc like the baby girls over there do. I'll never forget a thai lady asking me "is that a guy or girl?" and I said "girl". So she replies "ah, looks like a guy"