Ear piercing for young girls - when and if?..

[ShipleyGlen]

My DD is 4 years old and wants her ears pierced - so that she can wear earrings just like me. She has an older cousin with ears pierced as well and is envious. Her cousin told her it is very very painful, but my DD still says she wants her ears pierced, and wear earring like mummy. In my home country it is pretty much standard to get ears pierced around age 5, and girls who don't,.. they sort of look 'different'. But here in the UK I see a lot of girls who don't have their ears pierced, so not sure what is the norm here, if there is any, and whether having earrings will benefit my girl, or will it be more of a pain - because of not being able to wear them to school etc etc.

I like to wear earrings myself but somehow not all that keen to get my DD's ears pierced at an age when she doesn't fully understand the procedure. Then again if she'll want them pierced anyway, then doing this at a young age is better because children forget the pain so quickly.

Thank you all for your thoughts and wisdom!..

[peasandlove]

I had mine done at 6 or 7 by my own choice. My dad took me to get them done. I dont recall it hurting that much, and I'd pierced my own ears a further 10 or so times by the time I was 14 .
To add what everyone is saying about babies, I took my then 9mth old DD to Thailand and everyone assumed she was a boy, even wearing a flowery dress and I'm sure it's because we didnt have her ears pierced and wearing necklaces etc like the baby girls over there do. I'll never forget a thai lady asking me "is that a guy or girl?" and I said "girl". So she replies "ah, looks like a guy"

[startail]

4 would get you odd looks here (ok I live in rural middle England)
My DDs had theirs done for their 11th and 10th birthdays. That's about the usual time here, so they are sure they can take them out for high-school PE.

[madmomma]

my daughter is 13 and has just had hers done, but if she'd have wanted, I'd have let her from 11. I think it looks common on little ones, but it's not a big deal and there are far worse things. Maybe it would be a pain for you having to keep them disinfected & turned everyday etc?

[TheSmallClanger]

I think it's a fallacy that children don't remember pain. Think of how many people have aversions to things like walking down escalators, or riding horses, due to painful early experiences. We might not remember it consciously, but it affects us.

[ShipleyGlen]

Thank you everyone for your comments, especially those honest ones saying it would look horrid on a 4 year old. It helps me to see it through your eyes - which is exactly what I need.

strawberryjelly - yes of course I don't have to do everything that my DD asks for, but at the moment I'm not sure what is the right thing to do. Hence the question. I don't find her request unreasonable, but at the same time I'm not fully aware of whether it's a sensible thing to do in this country. I can sort of see what people mean about cheap/chavvy though. I think it's a shame earrings have this reputation here. Earrings can look very pretty and it's such an easy way to accesorize!

AvonCallingBarksdale - "OP, I'm interested in why you think it could benefit your DD" - If this were in my home country I would feel that I'm letting her down by not doing it at an early age (and especially as she wants to! - whatever that means at the age of 4). I would feel that she'd want to do it anyway later, but it would be harder for her to have the guts to do so when she's older, and of course she'd remember the pain more. My ears were done around that age and I seriously do not have any memories about the procedure whatsoever. In this way I think it's of benefit to do it early.

mo3d - yes, she's brave, she's been through some nasty falls and accidents before because she's so active and her ability to tolerate acute pain is quite incredible. Good to hear that your 9 y.old can be open with you about her wishing to be a boy. It's so important for kids to know they can share anything with their parents - congrats on being so close to each other!

I'm quite relieved to learn that so many girls do it at the age of 8, 10 and over, and also that some girls choose not to do it full stop. I'd be more comfortable for my DD to make up her own mind when she's older. As I say my only concern is that I may be doing her disservice by delaying it until she's more aware of the pain associated with the procedure.

Clarence15 - yes it's painful and there'll surely be a flood of tears, but then again she still cries inconsolably when I wash her hair, so I don't really think it will be such a big deal long-term. Will probably vanish altogether from her memories by age 7.

[InvaderZim]

She definitely needs to be old enough to take them in and out herself, some year 5 girls wanted me to put theirs back in when I was a TA. Yuch! Of course, it would have been a torturous experience for them anyways as I haven't had pierced ears since I was 12!

[Clarence15]

On a practical note, no-one seems to have mentioned that having your ears pierced REALLY HURTS My dd had hers done last summer when she was 8 and she was in floods of tears after the first one. She nearly didn't get the second one done and it was all a bit traumatic despite her being desperate to get them done.

If any of her friends asks her about it now she tells them it really hurt and it's put them off! Also, despite being told she could take them out 6 weeks after having them pierced it's taken her until this week (nearly 12 months later ) to take them out as she's nervous about them hurting. She has to put tape on them for PE and swimming as she hasn't been able to take them out.

I think they need to be old enough to take responsibility for covering them etc so 4 prob is too young. I also know of at least 2 who have got infections and have had to take them out (including me)

[Hulababy]

I don't like pierced ears on young children. I think it is unnecessary and can't see why people chose to do it tbh. It hurts and there is a risk of it causing infection and being very sore for a while at least. And then there is a risk of the earings getting caught on stuff during play.


I saw a toddler have their ears peirced whilst out shopping once. It was awful - the poor baby screamed and was inconsable for many many minutes afterwards. I personally couldn't do that.

You also need to check school policy as to earrings at school. In some schoos they are banned totally, in others you have to have them removed for PE and in others you can get away with taping them over.

DD is 9y and has no pierced ears. None of her friends have either. DD sometimes wears the odd clip on earring - well she sets off to parties wearing them, but they are off not long after, lol.

DD knows that she isn't allowed earrings at all at her school and the earliest I will consider it is when she leaves primary school, that summer holidays - so she'd be 11y.

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

OP, I'm interested in why you think it could benefit your DD
IMVHO, it looks just horrid on children under the age of about 15 - really chavvy. But I guess it's down to personal taste.

[Flyonthewindscreen]

I have told my DD (7) she can have hers done when she finishes primary school. She will be 11.5 then. Girls with pierced ears in small minority in her age group atm.

[msbunbury]

IMO - chavvy, cheap and verging on abusive (esp on babies). OK at puberty but am still not keen on under 16s. Each to their own though. If your're not keen then why are you contemplating it? Peer pressure?

[Ephiny]

I think it's far too young, it would look a bit odd to me to see a 4 year old wearing jewellery.

I had mine done at 12, though they closed up again not long after as I didn't keep the studs in (were too uncomfortable). I've never had them re-done and doubt I ever will, don't see the point any more.

I do remember it being quite sore, would not inflict that on a 4 year old.

[TheSmallClanger]

DD had hers done at 11, as did quite a lot of her friends.

As well as all the other arguments, I think it's nice to have things to look forward to once you are a Big Girl.

[RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles]

I have indeed!

[hattymattie]

I just did DD2 today - she will be 13 in a month and so can have earrings for her birthday. DD1 I made wait a year longer but I wouldn't do it when they were young - I like little girls to look their age.

[archanat10]

i dont think its such a big deal in it.but i feel ur dd is 2 small..u shd wait atleast till she turn 10

[MissFoodie]

i know, they literally get it done the day they are born....
have you ever noticed though, that all the dolls you buy in Spain have also got their ears pierced?

[RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles]

MissF an Argentinian friend had her daughter's ones done practically as her DD came out! She was returning to Arg when her baby was 3 wks for a holiday and said that she couldn't go unless they were done. I had to explain how it's just the opposite in the UK when she was wondering why my chin hit the floor!

When my DD was small, baby like creature she wore jack shit bar a nappy mostly as it's quite warm here funnily enough and even though she undeniably just looked like a girl, they would still coo in that lovely Spanish way (I mean lovely btw) at my nino, and when I pointed out she is in fact my nina they almost all made reference to her non pierced ears. That's not to say there were the odd ones who most definitely needed their eyes tested!!

[uninspired]

I'm being pestered big time by DD (7) as all her friends have got them pierced, whereas at her old school none of them did.

I'm hoping to put her off til Y6

[strawberryjelly]

It's your call- asher mum you are the adult and do what you think is right- not what she asks for!

There will be numerous boundaries she wants to cross re. fashion etc as she grows up and you will have to guide her.

In the light of all the media attention on children being sexual far too young, I'd question if it's right for ear piercing at 4. I know it's not overtly sexual but it could be the thin end of the large wedge!

From a practical point of view- she will need to wear only studs for school due to the danger of getting hoops etc caught and her ears torn.

There is also the chance that schools may ban earrings- so where would that leave you?

I allowed my DD when she was 13. I was 25!

My personal opinion is it looks cheap and chavvy but that's just my opinion.

[MissFoodie]

and btw, if people think that wearing girl's clothes, with long hair and hair clips she is a boy, it is nothing to do with the fact that she doesn't have her ears pierced....they probably need their eyes testing!

[MissFoodie]

Rockstock: one of my british friends lives in Barcelona and had a baby girl last year, the hospital staff could not believe that she DID NOT want her baby's ears pierced! they had the gun at the ready!

my sister's never had hers done and she's 25 (also born in Spain)

[CrapolaDeVille]

My dds will have to wait until they're 13. On four year olds I think it look horrid.

[RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles]

MissFoodie I live in Spain, so you can probably understand my above post. I was amazed for the 6 months at all the nino comments, then it clicked and I realised why!