Help teenage lay around !

[Abip]

Need some good advice as really struggling at the mo. My partner and i have been together for almost two years and been living together 8 months. He is older than I am and you can probably see from my other post desperately wanting a baby but its not going to happen.
He has four children from two previous marriages. The first two are grown up and lived with their mother when my partner split with their mother. The younger two are 15 and just 18 and the younger one lives with his mother and the just 18 year old lives with us. But its sooo frustrating, he does nothing. He dropped out of college last june and has made no attempt to find a job or do any chores around the house. Its causing so many arguments between me and my partner because we both work and deal with dropping and collecting my two kids of 5 and 7 to and from school, only to come home and find the housework not done and dss galavanting off somewhere. But my partner does nothing about it, he simply says you have done nothing all day and get a job.
I hear all the excuses for him. He's busy with his friends, hes dyslexic thats why he does not get a job or go to college, he is trying he hoovered the rug today!
My partner says all his children have been taken away and he is the only one left. We pay his ex CSA for the younger one which she has done in spite cos between her and her partner they are on £150k per year. We counter claimed CSA but because dss would not go to connections and failed to go back to college in july the child benefit and CSA have both stopped for him.
And he knows this. Money is not tight but budgeted. Some days he does not get up till 12 and when he does it is XBox 360 and streaming off the net all day. I pay the internet phone and tele and the broadband has gone from 2gb to 20gb. He has been told not to do it but just ignores us. We have also asked for teeneagers not to be dossing in the house during the day but we have found that they have been.
Everytime my partner 'sits down for a chat' dss says nothing and nothing is resolved. He really does get away with murder and i am resenting them both now. why should i work all day and come home to clean up when he has been doing nothing. Even on my day off i am still cleaning up.
Even my seven year old does more chores than he does. We both agreed that as he was not working he could collect my daughter from school to save on the after school club fees. And so i cancelled her place. He colected her for two days then decided to go to his mothers. Consequently the club had no space for her and i had to collect her and bring her back to work (which i cant do all the time as sometimes i work alone in the shop) When my partner and i argued about it he stated that i was selfish as its his 18th birthday and my children were not his sons responsibilities!!! But we agreed to him collecting her and now everything is screwed up. I never suggested he does not go to his mothers but if he said the preious week i could have arranged the club but he just left straight away. I then spent saturday buying balloons and decs for his 18th party spending 40 - 50 quid of my own money with no thanks what so ever or even help cleaning up.

[Abip]

HI sushi queen. We dont cook for him, but he sits all day and picks what he wants. We are at work and the amount of times i have gone to get something i bought for my lunch at work and its gone is unbelievable. Its gone one step further now as he forgot to collect my daughter from school and finally realised picking her up 3/4 hour late. Its just so hard. He did not even buy his dad a card or wish him happy birthday on tuesday because apparantley he had no money, even though he got almost £200 for his birthday and a party two weeks ago top which we got no thanks. He could not even save a pound or make one. He is so selfish and I told my partner it cannot go on like this. Any time i tell my partner things have to change he makes out its not my problem, and what do i want him to do about it. Anytime i ask him to ask his son to do something he says i dont know where he is. It not good enough!! he should be at home cleaning or out working.

[Sushiqueen]

I agree with the tough love.

Who does the cooking etc? if you do then don't cook for him, do none of his washing etc.

If he is not willing to contribute to the family household in anyway then why should he get the benefits.

If your dp is the soft one, then let him do everything for his son and see how long he puts up with it. It is not your responsibility to do everything for him.

At the end of the day your dp is encouraging him to be lazy. And whether he realises it or not people will judge him as a parent on how his children behave.

[Abip]

I know. And i am glad someone else agrees. This is what i have suggested to my partner and he says yes then gets soft. He wont make him do it and says to me what am i supposed to do. I give my partner suggestions and it remains the same. Its so frustrating, all his friends have jobs and i know it was a few years ago but i would not have been allowed to act like this. I had a job at 15, paid for my own clothes and when one of us could not be bothered it was made clear we would not be tolerated and we did not, as we respected our parents. Just dont know what to do. Tried everything, threatening my partner to leave the lot, nothing is working and in fact things have got worse since his 18th two weeks ago, now he does nothing.
My partner just cant see my point and states i blame him for everything.

[WkdSM]

Tough love!

If he is an adult and living in your house, make it clear he has to contribute. He can't expect to be treated like a child and have everything provided for him and expect to be treated like an adult in other areas.

Ths may be a percentage of his jobseekers allowance, or chores around the house which you will credit him with on (say) £8/hr.

This 'credit' will go towards his room and utilities (check how much a room costs to rent in your area). So if a room costs £80/week - he has to do a minimum of 10 hours work (ironing, cleaning, picking up kids)

Do not allow him to eat your food / feed him unless he contributes to the food budget.

If you can, password the broadband so he can't get on it.

Set a time limit (say 4 weeks) - if he does not step up to the mark, he will have to leave home. It sounds hard - but while your DH is allowing him to get away with this, he will not see any reason to grow up and try to get a job. You are enabling him to become a wastrel.