I’ve been in a relationship for a few years since my divorce. Throughout the relationship I have really struggled with feeling secure which I’ve never had a problem with in previous relationships. I’ve been reflecting on this & believe it’s down to his ex changing agreed plans at the last minute regularly throughout our relationship. I suffer with anxiety & I’m possibly neuro diverse so any changes to plans completely throws me & upsets me. He has no problem with last minute changes & always agrees & changes what we planned to suit his ex & avoid conflict. I’ve just had enough. I can’t live like this. I just can’t see it ever ending. I’ve brought it up countless times with him but he just sees it as extra time with his kids & doesn’t see the issue. But is it a big enough issue to end the relationship over?
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Moosake · 07/06/2022 09:01
I mean obviously she did. I'm just shocked! Was your partner tempted to reply "we're in France so I'll let social services know".
Moosake · 07/06/2022 08:59
Oh my god she didn't?!!!
GetThatHelmetOn · 07/06/2022 08:42
If only it was as noble as that, many exes do these “last minute changes” as a way to demonstrate they are still calling the shots even if it takes neglecting the children to force the other parent to cancel plans.
Do you know my favourite? When his ex wife wants to go on a holiday on days the kids are with her and that holiday clashes with a holiday of ours: as soon as she is told we have plans on the same days she goes silent, then she texts us from the airport to say “the children are alone at home, see you in a week”.
denim321 · 05/06/2022 09:44
If you're expecting a NRP to turn down the opportunity of extra time with his DC because you don't like it, then it probably is better to end it
Moosake · 07/06/2022 08:59
Oh my god she didn't?!!!
GetThatHelmetOn · 07/06/2022 08:42
If only it was as noble as that, many exes do these “last minute changes” as a way to demonstrate they are still calling the shots even if it takes neglecting the children to force the other parent to cancel plans.
Do you know my favourite? When his ex wife wants to go on a holiday on days the kids are with her and that holiday clashes with a holiday of ours: as soon as she is told we have plans on the same days she goes silent, then she texts us from the airport to say “the children are alone at home, see you in a week”.
denim321 · 05/06/2022 09:44
If you're expecting a NRP to turn down the opportunity of extra time with his DC because you don't like it, then it probably is better to end it
GetThatHelmetOn · 07/06/2022 08:42
If only it was as noble as that, many exes do these “last minute changes” as a way to demonstrate they are still calling the shots even if it takes neglecting the children to force the other parent to cancel plans.
Do you know my favourite? When his ex wife wants to go on a holiday on days the kids are with her and that holiday clashes with a holiday of ours: as soon as she is told we have plans on the same days she goes silent, then she texts us from the airport to say “the children are alone at home, see you in a week”.
denim321 · 05/06/2022 09:44
If you're expecting a NRP to turn down the opportunity of extra time with his DC because you don't like it, then it probably is better to end it
denim321 · 05/06/2022 09:44
If you're expecting a NRP to turn down the opportunity of extra time with his DC because you don't like it, then it probably is better to end it
KylieKoKo · 06/06/2022 14:25
The only exceptions should be family emergencies, hospital appointments , work that can't be avoided etc.
I think I differ a bit from this in that if DSD's mum wanted to go out tonight I would have no problem with them coming here as we don't have any plans. However, if we had planned to do something DP would tell her we had plans.
To me the issue is that the OP's partner sees plans with her as unimportant enough to changed at the whim of his ex.
MintJulia · 06/06/2022 08:34
@KylieKoKo Yes, absolutely. The non-resident parent is unlikely to see it as 'suiting his ex and avoiding conflict'. In their eyes, it is simply a precious opportunity to spend extra time with their child.
I'm not saying it's fair on the OP. It isn't, but I know that the needs of my child would always come before anything else, which is why I won't have another partner until my ds is 16+
MintJulia · 06/06/2022 08:34
@KylieKoKo Yes, absolutely. The non-resident parent is unlikely to see it as 'suiting his ex and avoiding conflict'. In their eyes, it is simply a precious opportunity to spend extra time with their child.
I'm not saying it's fair on the OP. It isn't, but I know that the needs of my child would always come before anything else, which is why I won't have another partner until my ds is 16+
KylieKoKo · 06/06/2022 01:11
@MintJulia surely if your co parenting arrangement means that you are on call 24/7 to facilitate an exes social life to the extent that you can't be relied upon as a partner then you shouldn't have a partner. It's not reasonable to expect anyone to put up with constantly being cancelled on.
Yet again women are expected to just put up with being treated badly because men have children.
KylieKoKo · 06/06/2022 01:13
I bet if a sm expected her partner to cancel contact at the last minute because she wanted to do something she'd get crucified. I can't imagine posters saying it's fine because the mum should want extra time with her kids ....
MintJulia · 06/06/2022 00:38
It's perfectly natural for a person to take every opportunity to see his kids. You won't change his mind over that.
If it's making you unhappy and you can't live with it then you need to end the relationship.
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