Do I go my mother in laws wedding?

[kahmN88]

Iv been with my DP for 4 years now we both have kids he has 2 (age 8 & 9) I have 2 (age 9 &10) He moved in with me 3 years ago and his kids stay every wknd. His mum is getting married in 3weeks my DP and I got a all day invite but no invite for my children! Kids have been invited to the wedding they’ve even arranged a candy cart and children entertainment for the kids, My DP is best man and his daughters bridesmaids. I just think that my kids should have had an invite to the wedding as we have been together so long.

[SandyY2K]

PinkCrayon

Beyond opinion your comments are lack logic.

[PinkCrayon]

Thats your opinion sandyy2k I have mine.

[WorkingItOutAsIGo]

You have a choice here. If you suck it up, organise childcare, go to the wedding and enjoy it, you will continue to build a stronger relationship with your DPs family. If that would help your future life together, then do it graciously.

If you decline, then it’s unlikely your relationship with them will improve and strengthen.

Which works better for you in the long term? Do that one.

[averythinline]

Not sure why your kids are bothered about someone they've met twice getting married and going to a wedding.... think you are projecting a bit here..

she doesn't see you as family - who knows why? and you havent made a fuss about not going to previous 'family' events...

whilst I think that its a shame, it is up to her...she has invited you as a+1 to your DP.... she is just not that into you....you cant change how she feels just how you react.....

I wouldn't go without my children - but often people do arrange babysitters to go to weddings as an adult couple so its not completely unheard of....

[SandyY2K]

I think anyone with half a brain could see that it wasnt a very kind action to take or very welcoming

Only when it comes to step families, do some pp believe the bride and groom must invite them.

2 children you've seen a couple of
times, probably wouldn't even cross your mind to invite to your wedding.

[SandyY2K]

But not everyone has a close or reasonable relationship with their mother and would infact put their stepchildren first.

That's irrelevant in this case, because the OPs DP and his mother are clearly close.

Why if you were "close" to your son would you not visit his home?
Because he might visit your house and seeing him is the objective...not where you see him.

Make an effort with his wife?

Perhaps because you might not like his GF/DP. Or because you just don't want to get close to her for whatever reason. Sometimes you just don't click with some people, but you remain cordial for the sake of your relative.



But want him to be bestman to your new husband at your wedding because you are so close?

Wanting your son as best man, has no bearing on whether you invite his GFs DC to your wedding.
I would also assume the new husband gets on well with him, hence he is happy for him to be the best man and could well have been the one who asked him.

[PinkCrayon]

"Having your mother at your wedding and your son's GFs children is not comparable"

For some people maybe not? But not everyone has a close or reasonable relationship with their mother and would infact put their stepchildren first.

In this case its all really rather strange...
Why if you were "close" to your son would you not visit his home? Make an effort with his wife?
But want him to be bestman to your new husband at your wedding because you are so close?
Totally weird...
Sounds like a very disfunctional relationship particularly as he didnt even question it. I think anyone with half a brain could see that it wasnt a very kind action to take or very welcoming.

[SandyY2K]

"Except the groom would know her. Fairly well....
So he would get to invite her to his wedding."

Exactly.

Having your mother at your wedding and your son's GFs children is not comparable.

I'm not sure why one would think the groom would agree to this at any rate.

There may well be older bridesmaids who can look after her DPs kids and with the entertainment laid on for the kids, I doubt the OP will need to look after them. They'll have their other grandma there as well.

[Jennylou88]

It's tricky as she doesn't have any relationship with your children - she's only met them once or twice so may not have even thought to invite them.
It is her wedding - there's always so much to organise and she'll be very focused on her family and inviting people she knows well, id say something and assume it's a genuine mistake

[NWQM]

The OH's children are presumably covered. Their other grandma has been invited.

[PinkCrayon]

"Except the groom would know her. Fairly well....
So he would get to invite her to his wedding."

No there are new rules at this wedding after all as Mil chooses the grooms bestman at her own wedding, things change apparently.
Op only gets to pick the guestlist for her own wedding both the bride and groom "have to know" the guests!, oh and op make sure you invite your mils, ex mils, friends, boyfriends cat after all they couldnt possibly miss it!

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

As you say dp I am assuming you arent married...
Therefore dont invite her to your wedding if you marry him, after all you dont know her do you? What a great excuse


Except the groom would know her. Fairly well....
So he would get to invite her to his wedding.

[PinkCrayon]

As you say dp I am assuming you arent married...
Therefore dont invite her to your wedding if you marry him, after all you dont know her do you? What a great excuse

[WhiteCat1704]

WhiteCat1704 at least your SD had the invites and it was her choice to go or not.

Ops dc aren’t getting that option

Yes, I know. OPs children are a lot younger too which makes it more hurtful.
I think it's DP problem rather than MIL. It's up to him to make it clear to his family how important SC are. And if he hasn't it seems they aren't..

[Oliversmumsarmy]

That is a good point Bahhhhhumbug

How is he supposed to look after his dc and be best man which will be taking him physically away from them during the day.

Either op is the one to look after them or he could start looking for a baby sitter like he suggested the op did.

No way would I be going.

WhiteCat1704 at least your SD had the invites and it was her choice to go or not.

Ops dc aren’t getting that option

[whitesoxx]

Don't send her a card with dear MIL anything. Cause she's not your MIL. You don't know her!!

[WhiteCat1704]

Hmmm
My feeling is that you should talk to your DP and tell him it bothers you. See what he does..If he is as great with your kids as you say he will see it might be hurtful to them. If he doesn't care he is not that great.

Some mitigation towards your MIL is that she doesn't know your children. 2 times is nothing and if your partner never insisted on including them she probably doesn't feel she has to.

In my family my SD has been not invited to my brothers wedding. She is older though -16 then, 18now- and whenever she was invited to my family she always declined. So they don't have any relationship with her and I wouldn't expect an invite to any family events.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

I hope the expectation isn't for you to mind/supervise his DC whilst he carries out his best man duties. That would be really taking the piss.

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

Absolutely you should NOT go under these circumstances, if your children are excluded. Ok, she doesn't know them very well, but they are now part of her son's family unit.

If it was a very small wedding it might be different, but it's a big do with so many children going she's laying on an entertainer! Doubt she knows them all, or the 'plus ones' of many people attending. As for getting a baby sitter while you, your DP and his kids get dressed up to go to a big party without them?! Sod that!!

[Youseethethingis]

I guess this is a matter of perception tbh. He may not see it as shoddy treatment. To him it's probably a case of my DM isn't inviting my DPs/GFs kids, because she's only seen them a couple of times and barely knows them. He may feel he has no right to demand invitations for them.

I would agree, if this was a small wedding rather than an “intimate” wedding of around 300 people. You think MIL is bosom buddies with all that lot? No. She’s being very unkind and the OPs partner is just accepting it.

[HJWT]

@kahmN88 sooooo, you have to accept his kids and have them round every other wkend BUT his family can push you and yours out? HMMM bye mate not what I want my DC around 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

[swingofthings]

Why has she never been to your house and met your kids only twice in 4 years?

[SandyY2K]

@NWQM

Never heard of brides having a best man. Best men are usually chosen by the groom.

I agree that's normally the case, but there are so many non-conventional things people do these days at weddings.

I hadn't heard of best woman till a couple of years ago.

If the groom has chosen him, then they obviously get on very well. Either that or he had no one else to ask.

OP - I wonder if your DC would feel upset attending (even if they were invited) and not being part of the bridal party like your OHs DC.

Bigger problem that your partner doesn’t seem to realise that his casual acceptance of this shoddy treatment reflects poorly on the strength of your relationship as a whole.

I guess this is a matter of perception tbh. He may not see it as shoddy treatment. To him it's probably a case of my DM isn't inviting my DPs/GFs kids, because she's only seen them a couple of times and barely knows them. He may feel he has no right to demand invitations for them.

My SIL is stepmother to my niece and nephews.. they don't get invited to all events her family do, even when her siblings kids are invited. I totally get it.

It's a non issue for my DB.... and I only hear about or when he says we're going to X this weekend and might mention his DC are with their DM.

[NWQM]

@SandyY2K Never heard of brides having a best man. Best men are usually chosen by the groom.

As you say he is her soon. She is having a large wedding but doesn't have space for 2 people who he lives with.

[Youseethethingis]

I have had to invite my good friends partner to my wedding, even though I despise the very air he breathes because of the way he treats her. I did this because it is important to me that my friend is there and if I didn’t invite him she would be hurt and probably wouldn’t come.
And your partners mother doesn’t think that it would be a kind and appropriate gesture on a happy family occasion to include the children her own son lives with and her GC spend every weekend with?
Bigger problem that your partner doesn’t seem to realise that his casual acceptance of this shoddy treatment reflects poorly on the strength of your relationship as a whole.