Bedrooms at non-resident parent home

[Daffydillo]

Hi all,

Just wondered what bedroom arrangements you have for your step children who are not resident with you? DSD is 9 and has her own room here.

My dc used to sleep on cushions on the floor in their dad's bedroom when we initially split and he got a bedsit.

He then bought a 2 bed and split the biggest room so they could have a room each where they did alternate weekends Friday-Monday for a year

He then met and married a woman with 2 dc and gave the rooms over to them and told our dc they could sleep on the sofa with the dogs

Our dc no longer sleep at their dad's

@EggysMom she’s only 9. She’s always comes on any holiday, family occasion (on both sides) no question.

@Daffydillo - if she's only with you eow (& by only I mean if her main residence is with her dm & she has good space there) then I think a compromise could be made. Of course she needs to feel wanted & special at yours but this can be done in ways other than having a bedroom to herself. For eg you could find a 2 bed with a large living room where you could have a sofa bed for her when she stays & trunks or a closet for her stuff. You guys could then have a tv or laptop in your bedroom so she could have the living room to herself when it's time to settle down.
Alternatively you guys could take the smaller bedroom & put all 3 dc in the larger room. My dp has a 4 bed house but his 3 insist on sleeping in the one room when at his as they enjoy the novelty.
I think as long as this is done sensitively & inclusively then it could work.

We’ve been living in a 2 bedroom flat with toddler DD and 9 year old DSD visiting every other weekend. It was incredibly difficult and the relief since moving to a 3 bedroom house is massive.
Personally I wouldn’t downsize just to buy with 3 children to think of.

I think you should keep saving or buy somewhere where you can convert to 3beds either because of a large bedroom or attic.

I got asked at 9 whether I minded and felt under pressure to say something was fine when it wasn’t. It was really hurtful. Don’t ask, what’s she supposed to say. It’s obviously not fine,

I had same situation when early teens. My DF and DSM downsized and I lost my room. It was only a boxroom but I loved it because it was mine and made me feel I was welcome. When they downsized their two DCs had a room each and I had to sleep on the sofa. It made me feel I was in the way and I eventually just stopped going. Beginning of the end of my relationship with DF, which only started to be repaired years later.

In an ideal world we would buy a house with 3 rooms, but this opportunity means we are being given a deposit (from family) as we are currently in no position to even save for one with 2x childcare. Ie if we don’t take this offer I am worried we won’t ever get on the ladder. Got time yet so can have a think. Another option is to look for a house with 2 reception rooms perhaps, to give another room for DSD.
We’re renting in the south east, £1300 per month.

My EXH is in the process of selling his 2 bed property (where our daughter has her own bedroom) to enable him to move into his GFs 2 bedroomed house. She has 2 children and the plan is our daughter will be on an air bed EOW.

DD has been told there is no space for her things, not even a drawer. The result is her relationship with her dad is breaking down and she is not wanting to see her dad for overnights when he moves in with GF as she follows totally left out and unwanted in the 'new family' set up.

It's so sad and my heart breaks for her. Please consider the feelings of all involved-the little people matter too whether they are SC or not.

DSD has her own room here and we have no DC together. Personally I'd buy the flat and look to move again in a few years. There are ways of making it work. Would the 2nd bedroom be big enough for a bunk bed with a double bed on the bottom? Not ideal long term but may be she could take the top bunk and your DC share the bottom?

if you buy a 2 bed she needs a bed in the 2nd bedroom with your other children, bunks and a single where she has top bunk with curtain and make sure she has a designated drawer cupboard for her stuff with her having top bunk it can basically be out of bounds to the younger ones

A carpenter could probably design something including storage if it has high ceilings you can even get triple bunks

Ours all share. The combinations have varied over the years. None of them seem to have strong feelings either way. It hasn’t impacted their relationships with us or between each other. We’ve always sounded them out before any changes and only gone ahead if they seemed happy.