After my kind of ex partners girls visit for the week in August and the last few weekends we have been to visit I have taken the decision that I want to take a step back at the moment and wanting us to start more at the beginning. I am looking at him renting a room locally with someone, as he will then be close to his work due to not driving. We will still do things together for the boys and he will have them on the days I work like he does now but it leaves everything much more seperate financially and mentally etc. Plus it will give me the space needed to decide what I physically want whether I want a relationship or whether I enjoy my own space, own time etc. Thing is we don't want to tell his ex wife about this until I have made my decision as To whether we make w go
Of things and he moves back, because it will be another thing for her to use against us having his kids again for Christmas, and when/if he does move back in then staying durn school holidays. I will still drive him to see them every other weekend, and spend time with them so they can see their brother and so can his mum and dad etc. He will give me the money though. But I will have no financial responsibility so if he doesn't have The fuel money we don't go, he will have to pay for their tea and I will pay for mine, he will have to sort csa out to the ex wife etc. I need to see him be able to step up and show some responsibility, because as much as they are my step children it's not me that should be doing everything for them and catering everything around having the money for them etc. He can the be the bad guy saying no to them when he sees he doesn't have the money after paying his bills. I have obviously discussed this with tax credits and they said I am perfectly entitled to do this if I am paying all the bills solely on my own and he has no contribution except maintenance as he wouldn't be living here. His issue though is CSA, obviously he pays her £10 a week less because he was living with me and the boys. If he tells csa then she will get w letter saying we have split and the boys don't live with him anymore etc. But then technically it is worked out that if he went to csa he would have to setup a claim to pay me so she would lose out slightly more than what he currently pays her as what he would have to pay in csa gets split by three, she gets two thirds and I one third. Which then would also be more for her too kick off. So he's a little stuck in the middle. I presume though tax credits would inform csa he isn't living with me so it's just best for him to contact them. Personally I am not making any decisions for him he asked my advice and I thought I would put it to you guys on here. I get he's worried that if she finds out that we have parted again for a few months to see what happens thar she will make the contact difficult again and cause issues and grief but then on the other hand I don't want him getting into any trouble. He has said that he was looking into just paying her the amount csa said he should have been before they reduced it for boys and he pays me a agreed amount. As to be honest it will just go into our sons bank account. I'm sure I will get bashed when actually I am
Trying to do this for the best of the children and also my mental health. I am trying to get him to wake up and see the responsibility's he has if he doesn't have someone holding his hand and sorting for him.
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Step-parenting
Complicated advice needed
13 replies
Stepparentchallenges · 17/09/2018 08:03
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