Wills and step children

[MismatchedStripySocks]

Please don’t judge. Genuine opinions needed please.

We will be drawing up our will soon. DH has two children, I have one. Originally, the plan was a three way split. However, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s unfair on my son. If i’d had 2 kids, it would have been a 4 way split. However, just because I only have 1, my 50% is diluted if you see what I mean. DSS and DSD are likely to inherit from other people but I genuinely think DS May only inherit from me.

What do you think? Is anyone else having a similar predicament ?

[SunnyintheSun]

I’d suggest life interest in the house to each other with everything else (including the house after death) split equally between the children.

I guess it depends on whether you see money or the sibling relationship as more important to your child but leaving unequal amounts risks irreparable damage to their relationship after your death (and at a time they’ll need sibling support most).

[ACatsNoHelpWithThat]

Definitely put things in trust for your DC. Even if your H was honourable, if you died first and he remarried, the marriage would automatically make his existing will null and void. Then if something happened to him before he got round to drawing up a new will his new wife would get everything. Massive risk.

[SupplychainNpton]

I'm in a vaguely similar position.
DP has 2 adult DCs - one who refuses to work. His mother states that he's 'a sensitive soul, and not suitable for the 'rat race'. She's spent many substantial inheritances on far flung holidays etc. No actual wealth or property on his DM's side.

I have 3 children. Due to divorce, I need to rewrite my will.
I have actually asked his workshy DC whether the mother's view is true, in which case he would be offended by being included in the will.
I've lived relatively frugally, and potentially any inheritance could be extremely significant. To be honest, I'll be more sensible than splitting 5 ways, but I'll be interested in his response!

[Haireverywhere]

Please do discuss the pros/cons of a common tragedy clause with your solicitor if you are making some changes. It's already complicated with second marriages and trusts for children of different parents. In some cases it's possible to change a will after someone has died from mirror but when one child would benefit and others wouldn't these things split families whilst grieving.

[MismatchedStripySocks]

I’m really glad I asked now as this has given me lots of things to look into that I had never heard of. I particularly don’t want DS to be shafted but want DSS and DSD to have their fair share too, whatever happens.

[PeridotCricket]

I really wouldn’t have mirror wills in your case. My solicitor said not recommended for second marriages. The circumstances of whoever dies first could change radically, remarriage, new children, new stepchildren. So sort out what you each want to happen for you respective kids and have a trust or other arrangement to make sure the surviving spouse is left with sufficient to live on and bring up kids.

[MismatchedStripySocks]

The more I think about it, the more i’m realising the pitfalls. I hadn’t even considered what would happen If (for example) I died young and he remarried. If his new wife outlived him then NONE of our three may get anything if we don’t really spell it out. I guess I hadn’t considered all the in’s and outs. Just had no experience before now.

[nomoreheroesanymore]

Please don't leave mirror Wills,where you are reliant on your partner to do the honourable thing. My partner's father and stepmother did that. They're both lovely, honourable people.

Sadly his father died 2 years ago. SM, it turns out, wasn't so nice. She sold his house (was rented out), kept the money and refused to discuss. I'll be amazed if he sees a penny. Her children, on the other hand, have already had a fair amount.

No one would have predicted it would end like this.

[Rachie1973]

we have 6 between us. 4 are mine, 2 his. Our wills mirror each others. We both inherit directly, no caveats or provisos. Then it's all split equally 6 ways.

They're all our children.

[pallisers]

Kids are all under 16.

then if you have wills leaving everything to each other, neither of you are making proper provision for your children and you are leaving them in a very vulnerable position.

[Bluelady]

We have four between us, one is mine, the other three are his. We've been together 20 years, married for 18. Our wills specify an equal four way split. My son is completely on board with that, it would feel spectacularly unfair to do it any other way.

[MismatchedStripySocks]

Kids are all under 16.

[MismatchedStripySocks]

There are some really interesting ideas here, I thought I would get flamed. I like the idea of our house being put in trust when one of us passes. I guess that could also reduce taxes if we survive 7 years more?

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

50/50 is the fairest way.

We have 5 kids between us, 3 step kids, 1 ours, 1 mine. It would seriously diminish my child’s inheritance to split 5 ways. And each step kid also receives inheritance from their other parent, so our combined child also has a fairer split this way.

However my DP doesn’t agree! So we are left in a non cooperative situation,which isn’t as good as thinking it through. We are splitting up anyway!

[RandomMess]

Honestly if your spouse gets everything in the event of your death there is no guarantee that your DC will get anything I've seen it so often!

Spouse remarries, and the new spurs DC get it all, Spouse changes will do it all goes to their own DC only.

[ThinkOfAWittyNameLater]

Hmm. Adult child here.

My mother had all the assets at the start. She had two children. Her husband had one.

One day I get a phone call informing me that I was now an executor and that it was 100% to surviving spouse, then 3-way split between all the adult children.

At that point I knew that if my mum died first he'd change his to leave everything to his child.

Thankfully (he was horrid) they've recently split but after about a month I reminded her about the will and she panicked. All changed now to even split between her kids.

For the record I don't care about money. I was concerned about family photos and one piece of jewellery that is passed down my mother's family (has been for several generations).

My Dad on the other hand has very deliberately kept everything separate from his partner (as has she) and they openly talk about who they are leaving things to (people from their own families)

[Snitzelvoncrumb]

Also inheritance will never be equal in blended families. Kids may get money from other family members.

[RedRosie]

A bit different perhaps ... I have no children, my DH has two (grown up) children. We have mirror wills for our whole joint estate, followed by a 40% inheritance for each of my DSC, 10% for my niece and 10% to charity. This depends on his trust in me to carry out his wishes should he go first, which I will.

We also have health/financial powers of attorney in place, and a letter of wishes which sits with the will and with our executors (who are not family, but rather younger close friends) with some small specific bequests (things like jewellery etc).

It felt surprisingly good to get this all in place, and I'd recommend doing it all properly and in good time, with a proper solicitor or professional will-writer.

[lunar1]

Absolutely what @pallisers said. There is no way I'd trust someone else with my children's legacy. Anything can happen in that time.

[Snitzelvoncrumb]

Talk to the solicitor about different ways to do the will. For example you could leave your half to your son, not your husband. Your husband has a lifetime tenancy (your son can't kick him out) but you son already owns his half of the house. This way the will can't be changed to exclude your son, and if your husband remarries your son still gets his share in the event of divorce. Have your super or pension put in a trust fund for him, or leave that to your husband. This protects your son incase (sorry) something happens while you are younger.

[User1983]

Massively agree with pallisers

[Blendingrock]

We are having this discussion at the moment. The only advice I can give you is to be open with your DH, bear in mind you need to be fair to everyone (which can be hard given the complexities of blended families) and get legal advice.

For us (assuming by DH and I are gone) it's 50/50 split at the moment, because that's appropriate to our circumstances and the various ages/circumstances of the kids. We will review it again in 5 or so years time as circumstances change and again in another 5 years after that. Eventually we will get to a point where a 50/50 split is neither fair nor appropriate and at that point it will be a 1/6th split between the kids.

[pallisers]

We would have mirror wills so whoever dies first gets everything.

If you die first, your son will get nothing from your estate. I can almost guarantee this. Mirror wills can be changed. I would also say this to your dh about his children. Do not leave your only son with the only guarantee of his getting a share in your estate (all you've worked for all your life) depending on a step dad being honourable. just don't. I would say the same to your dh.

If you want your children to benefit equally from whatever is left when both of you die (and there may be nothing) you need to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to do this.

As it stands, if he dies, you get everything and you may or may not leave some of it to your step children eventually - who knows. things change. Ditto your dh. if you die first your son may get something eventually but may not.

How will your son manage if you die before he is 21? Have you provided for that in your will or is he an adult?

Wills aren't a statment of love and trust. They are a statement of how you want things to work with the money you've earned after you've gone. Be specific.

[Haireverywhere]

My own thoughts are include some consideration of a common tragedy clause in case you're both in an accident (hopefully not!) as they'll potentially lose out massively otherwise.

[MismatchedStripySocks]

We would have mirror wills so whoever dies first gets everything. I guess there is nothing stopping the surviving partner doing whatever they wanted but I know that neither of us would change what had been agreed.