Sometimes it is hard not being no 1 priority!

[malificent7]

I am well aware how selfish that sounds. We both have kids and if course they both come first. It can ge tough sonetimes when you cant move foward together as you'd like because kids come firat.
I think id feel that in a normal couple....not just a blended family.

[splendide]

When she takes the child to school normally do you view that as her running around after your DP?

[Magda72]

Really good points there Swingofthings.
I too have a very busy dp & I like the space tbh. I think the issue I have with his ex (& I think it’s the issue many of us have) is that she aims to control aspects of MY life & I really find that hard.
My exh was the same & I spent years reinforcing my boundaries until he finally ‘got’ it. With dps ex I can’t do that as she’s not MY ex & that’s the frustrating piece.
Dp is really good at saying no to her but when she uses the kids as emotional bait it effects everyone & that’s so tough.
Op - a hobby is a great idea - it will give you some independence outside of the situation & something else to focus on & look forward to.

[malificent7]

I need a hobby...i have a few but one that gets me out would be good.

[swingofthings]

Women fall in love with men who have other no1 in their lives, and they are not always humans. Sometimes I think my OH is more attached to his bicycle than me, or his golf clubs! Supposedly it's not so uncommon. Others are totally dedicated to their jobs.

I found it a bit hard before we moved in together because it meant so little time together, but after we did, it worked really well because I would suffocate very easily if we did more together. I have my life, my friends, my kids, my activities myself, so our marriage is based much more on quality than quantity which suits both of us.

[Magda72]

No she’s not!
There are definitely worse things in life but co parenting with your own ex & trying to establish a new life with someone who also has kids with an ex are two very difficult things to do. The stress never truly abates if the exes are bitter & the emotional toil it takes is awful.
And there’s no point in saying you know what you’re getting into because we often can’t choose who we fall in love with & we’re all deserving of wanting to be happy.

[Blackteadrinker77]

He is taking his child to school. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

[malificent7]

If someone cheated on me they would get nada....the kid would but the adult...no way!!

[malificent7]

Shes with the guy...thats how i know.Its no secret!!

I think i feel annoyed that she cheated on him but he is too nice and accomodating .

[HoliGram]

You're right malificent. It's super hard! And good for you for being aware of difficult emotions and being able to be honest with yourself. That's something to be proud of, not ashamed of. I hope once the ex has healed up you and DP can book some quality time together and reconnect, I think it will really help - good to have something to look forward to to get you through a tough time.

[Blackteadrinker77]

.he does loads for us but we do have to share

my bf wont ever be able to be there just for dd and i

I don't think you should have a relationship with someone who already has children.

[Winteriscoming18]

Who said she cheated? Your dp? My ex might say the same he isn’t going to admit it was him cheating. Also what relevance does their past relationship have on your current one?

[malificent7]

I know dd isnt his responsibility...she dosnt want him to be.

[malificent7]

Look...i know im being childish and unreasonable. Of course i empathise.

I get on well with her but she cheated on him and that makes me cross. I feel better about all that today.

After all if she hadnt cheated i wouldnt have my lovely dp.

[SandyY2K]

my bf wont ever be able to be there just for dd and i

Your DD is not his responsibility..it seems her father isn't in her life. That's not the Exes fault.

Her current partner doesn't have parental responsibility for your BFs child....

How old are you.

[Magda72]

It is very hard not being no 1 - I don’t think any person with sc doesn’t think that if their being honest.
Like winosauros I would never ask anything from ex outside contact hours bar it being a dire emergency/illness/similar. Speaking as an ex wife if I ask for extra assistance I’m not asking it for the kids I’m asking it for me & if I have to ask it means that I haven’t built up enough of an independent life away from my ex.
When my exs dp had her first dc by section three years ago they organized for her dm to do the school run for my dc on his contact days.
Op I can understand your dp wanting to help his kids out if exw is stuck for help but otherwise she & her dp should have a system of help in place.
My dps ex does similar - rings at 1am cause she’s found a leak, looks for lifts to airport because she doesn’t like driving on the motorway, rings him from the car to ask him to stop the kids (11 & 14) fighting in the back seat!?!
He used to capitulate because she’d request this stuff in front of the kids (she’s the arch manipulator) but now he just says no. Btw they’re divorced years!
I honestly think a lot of men need Counselling to deal with needy exes as they really need to learn to differentiate between assisting their dc & assisting their exes!

[Winteriscoming18]

No disrespect but your dd isn’t his responsibility but the child he has with his ex is. If she is unable to take them to school why shouldn’t he step up. What would happen if she was poorly in hospital? Or if got forbid she passed away? Lemons situation is completely different and in way comparable getting milk to taking a child to school..

[LemonMuffin837]

Hi, thought I'd join in, I am with someone who has two lovely children who he can't say no to and a very fucking annoying ex who knows this and takes advantage!
She text him other day asking him to get her some milk because his son wanted cereal and she didn't have any 🙈 she lives 5 min walk from a shop.
She also expects us to give her spending money whenever she takes the kids away.
DP gives in and gives her it because she makes out it's for the kids and they won't be able to have a good time without it.
When it was the holidays over Christmas he had to give her money to take his daughter out as she 'couldn't afford it'.
This is coming from someone who goes abroad at least 3 times a year without her children.
I could go on but I would end up writing a book.

[wowbutter]

You're jealous because she has had a section and is getting help?
That makes me feel sick. Her getting help has no bearing on the help you received, in fact, you should feel empathy as you recognise it was hard when you had to do it alone so why would you wish that in someone else?
She doesn't have two men running after her, your dp is caring for his child while her partner helps her.
If this really bothers you, maybe is a thing you should have considered before dating a man with children and baggage?
Please get some empathy and stop focussing on what you don't have.

[malificent7]

I know...perhaps im childish but she has her current bf and my bf on hand to help out whilst my bf wont ever be able to be there just for dd and i.

That's fine but sometimes it makes me sad.

[Winteriscoming18]

Sometimes when you co-parent it involves helping the other parent out. My ex had major surgery on his leg due to childhood cancer it affects his mobility. I took ds round for his tea with his df and his dw dropped him back off later. Ex has returned the favour when I was in labour for several days and was unable to care for ds

[SandyY2K]

It's not 2 men helping her. It's one man stepping up and doing more with his child.

You being alone when you had a section is not her fault.

You do sound a bit childish on that score.

[Cabininthewoods69]

Not selfish as you don't act on it. We all like to co.e first sometimes

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

It does suck really. My DP still does the school drop offs - while his Ex is just sat in the house with her car parked outside!

However a temporary arrangement, like c section, it’s understandable as it’s for the kids.

Kids shouldn’t always come first. But their needs, getting to school, then they do. Their wants don’t always come first.

[Winosaurus]

No I totally get that and I can feel the same at times.
I’m very independent of my ex and wouldn’t ask anything of him outside his contact time for example, yet his ex is constantly asking for help or money and I find it frustrating! She also has a live-in partner so I feel he should be helping a bit more (like fixing her fecking washing machine!)
And I too feel like she gets 2 men whilst I have only part of DP
I’ll be honest in saying I resented his kids for a bit until I realised it was misdirected anger and jealousy towards his ex. She’s so needy and it’s infuriating... DP over the years has got better at discerning when her requests are actually for her rather than the DCs but she’s clever at manipulating him.
I would never dream of asking my ex to do the things she does, it actually makes me cringe that she seems incapable of supporting herself properly.
Feel sorry for the Ex... imagine needing your Ex that much? shudder

[malificent7]

Tbh....if i was him id grab as much time with dc as possible!