Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

1 2 3 4

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

When will they stop arguing?

82 replies

FoofLeakage · 17/12/2016 00:11

I've been with OH for almost a year. OH and his ex separated spring 2015. Their divorce has been long and full of mutual sniping, bickering, court cases (occupation order, child access, non-molestation orders). They slag each other off.

It's stressful to watch.

She files court cases against him monthly, and she calls the police on him for the slightest thing (e.g. bumping into each other in the street).

I feel like an accessory to some bizarre sitcom.

Veteran stepmums out there, tell me, when can I expect this to calm down? I split with my ex a year ago and we are now completely neutral towards each other. When spend so much time, energy and bitterness on someone from the past?

OP posts:

Report

jojo2916 · 20/01/2017 12:19

Poor you that's hard I couldn't cope with my dp talking to his ex all the time, a broken marriage is hard and of course should be the last resort but they have split now so he needs to let go communicate only through solicitors or texts re arranging the dc. I would need him to do that to stay in a relationship with me. They've had a year before you even met him to talk about their marriage etc tell him to move on or he'll lose you, obviously up to you what you do that's just what I would do.

Youdontevenknowme101 · 30/12/2016 16:17

Have been with my partner 5 years. He split with his ex 9 nearly 10 years ago and she is still so bitter. Still constantly in court, she still phones police on him for everything, emails abuse daily and uses children as weapons.

Sometimes you just have to accept that things won't change and be the best you can be for both your partner and the children involved.

Lunar1 · 21/12/2016 11:58

Bloody hell ive just realised who you are. Have fun at relate!

stitchglitched · 21/12/2016 10:52

Yep I agree with Wannabe about you liking the drama. You had the other thread where you wrote the most manipulative dramatic emails because he wanted to see his daughter before you after being away for 10 days. Then he is wanting you to try on her clothes and texting her to ask when she is going to come home, at the same time as trying to get you pregnant despite the fact that you actively avoid time with your other kids. The whole thing is one big mess and none of the kids deserve to be in the middle.

WannaBe · 21/12/2016 10:08

So this bloke wanted you to wear his ex's clothes when you first got together, and you're more concerned about their arguments?

The man is clearly obsessed. No wonder she doesn't want him anywhere near her or the kids. And you sound as if you're enjoying the drama. Seriously, wearing the ex's clothes? Moving into her house, relate after less than a year? Just what exactly is it about this bloke that makes it impossible for you to want to see through him when everyone else clearly can?

JenLindleyShitMom · 21/12/2016 09:51

This is all very odd. I wish you well OP.

FoofLeakage · 21/12/2016 09:20

So did he not park by her house for the entire year before you came along? Why did he start doing it when you came along?

He did it the whole time, but she only developed a problem with it once she knew I was on the scene.

What was the point of this thread?

To genuinely ask "When will they stop arguing?" as I have no experience of feuds lasting this long. I wonder if I will suddenly start acting bitter if exH gets a partner?

OP posts:

Underthemoonlight · 21/12/2016 07:45

Op he was trying to get you to wear his ex wife's clothes, he was messaging her parking outside her home is by far creepy.

JenLindleyShitMom · 21/12/2016 01:24

So did he not park by her house for the entire year before you came along? Why did he start doing it when you came along?

Also, you seem pretty sure of why she has a problem. What was the point of this thread?

FoofLeakage · 21/12/2016 01:08

According to who...?

It was only when I met his daughter that she started with the police & court. We had several months of peace before then.

Relate is tomorrow. I would be ever so grateful if you guys could help me put together a bullet-pointed list of concerns.

OP posts:

JenLindleyShitMom · 21/12/2016 00:54

Also, what happened between 9.34 and 12.22 this evening? There is a really clear change in tone in those two posts. Did he find out about this thread?

JenLindleyShitMom · 21/12/2016 00:52

She was very quiet before I came onto the scene. Strange that.

According to who...?

elliebellys · 21/12/2016 00:51

Foofleakage. Just re read all your other threads.its not her jealousy at all.your dp was constantly texting her all day everyday.hes even called you a psycho aswell as the ex.you only see what you want.open your eyes .protect yourself.

FoofLeakage · 21/12/2016 00:22

She was very quiet before I came onto the scene. Strange that.

Once she left him, she was quiet for a year until it became apparent I was on the scene (I met his daughter).

Now all these court orders. Strange.

She only wants back in the house now because she knows I am there, and because she knows our children play fantastically together and she's jealous of the contact I have with her daughter. And jealous of the fact that her daughter likes me.

OP posts:

WannaBe · 21/12/2016 00:01

"On what grounds? What a mean spirited thing to say." on the basis that you are prioritising your relationship with an abuser over the welfare of your children.

I have no idea of the back history here, but from this thread alone, you have minimised the fact that his ex has applied for an occupation order and a non molestation order as the ex being the crazy one, and no, on the whole it is not normal to slag off one's ex, in fact doing so is generally seen as a bit of a red flag, along with restraining orders and occupation orders and such like.

This woman is prepared to pay to go to court to keep applying for these orders. Do you really think that someone who is just out for revenge would constantly put herself through that? And if she's not paying and in receipt of legal aid, then there is obviously a history of DV, as iirc only DV now qualifies for legal aid.

Have you considered doing a Claire's law search to see whether your DP has any kind of record for violence? Because at this stage I would.

You barely know him. A year is almost no time at all. Yet the woman who was with him for the longest time, and knows him the best, is mother to his children wants to prevent him from coming near her, had to apply for an occupation order to be allowed back into the family home, and doesn't want him seeing his daughter. She knows him well and doesn't trust him. What does that tell you? Genuinely tell you? If this was a friend would you blindly be believing that the ex was the mad one as she told you that this lovely man who has obviously done nothing wrong has this mad ex who has applied for all sorts against him and is so intent on keeping him away from her and her children that she is constantly back in court? Would you believe that he was an innocent victim and she was a psycho? Be honest, with yourself if not with us......

The red flags are obscuring everything here, and you have the power to walk away. But if you don't, if this man is an abuser as appears to be the case and your children get caught in the crossfire, then you are also culpable, given that the signs were all there and you chose to ignore them.

Underthemoonlight · 20/12/2016 22:33

YOU need to get out for the sake of your DC and focus on them this man is toxic and abusive especially given the information you posted as geordiebadger for your own mental health he isn't the person for you to be settling down with.

FoofLeakage · 20/12/2016 21:34

I know guys, I know.

I'm weak. Pathetically so. Every time I try to pull away and end the relationship, he sucks me back in. I take full responsibility for being this naive and easily led. Breaking up is so difficult for me.

Turns out he CBA to do anything for xmas day so I'm going to my mums.

OP posts:

elliebellys · 20/12/2016 20:43

Underthemoon your spot on.op why won't you listen to what posters are continuously advising you on every post.your vulnerable and this man is not good for you.

Underthemoonlight · 20/12/2016 20:07

Have you posted as georgiebager op a lot of your details are similar the parking near the house the non molesation order etc

FoofLeakage · 20/12/2016 19:55

What reason does he have to be parking near his ex's home?

It's a city centre and the only free space close to his work. It's not illegal.

OP posts:

needsahalo · 20/12/2016 17:09

What reason does he have to be parking near his ex's home? Younreally need to read between the lines.

Underthemoonlight · 20/12/2016 17:07

It's early days op and it sounds as you've got together relatively quickly that the DC in the current situation haven't been able to give much thought and feelings on the matter it's complete madness to consider blending your family's when the split is very raw for them. Your posts sound familiar to me have you posted under another name?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

stitchglitched · 20/12/2016 17:06

No the sensible thing would be to ditch him and do some work on your own issues and your self esteem as you've been told on all your other threads.

FoofLeakage · 20/12/2016 17:02

I don't slag my ex off either. I did when we first broke up but after a few months I felt nothing but neutral towards him.

Hence making this thread - this seems to be dragging on longer than I'm familiar with.

For those commenting on Relate, surely that is the sensible thing to do?

OP posts:

JenLindleyShitMom · 20/12/2016 16:53

Erm....yeah. It's not that uncommon. Exes slagging each other off. Who would have thought it!

so why are you so stressed by it? If you think it's fine? You say yourself you and your ex don't. Did you? Maybe you and partner are well matched. I don't slag my EXp off and believe me there is plenty I could say.

Unflip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.