Does anyone else ever feel like this?

[HormonalHeap]

As I'm writing this I could write the answers I know I'm going to get. Im guilty of trying to replace ds 16's useless non-interested dad with dh who is an exceptional dad to his own kids.

Does anyone else feel irrationally hurt when it's plain your partner doesn't feel the same about your kids whilst they adore him? Dh forgot to ask ds tonight how his maths gcse went, but still found the time to call both his dcs to discuss how their regular day was.

He's a great person and normally goes over and above what any parent would do. But it just makes me love him that bit less. Anyone else or am I really alone in feeling this?

[Wdigin2this]

Peach I think you're spot on!

[OutToGetYou]

I can't say I love my dss.

To be fair, I'm not big on love anyway, not sure what it is. I feel a lot of affection for him, but love seems a bit much.

I don't have my own dc so I suppose it's different as there isn't someone else I am treating better.

[Tatiana11235]

Just to say I by no means dislike my DSS. I've been in his life for 10 years since he was 3. We really do get on and he treats me better than his own mother. It's just not the same kind of love i feel for my own DD. It's hard to explain.
Maybe it's different because his mother is in the picture and I never attempted to replace her.

[AllegraWho]

Actually, thinking about it, I certainly do not feel the same about my DD and my DSS,and really, in our circumstances I do not think I should. He has a mother, and she's a great mother to him. He neither needs nor wants another.

I think I feel the same about him as I do about my brother's children - I love them and care about them, but not as a patent.

It would be completely different if he was living with us, same as my relationship with my sister's daughter changed when she was 4 and I was 11 and she came to live with us. From that moment on I thought and felt of her as my sibling, with all the love, exasperation, and rivalry that goes with it. She is still the sibling I am closest to, and she us not actually a sibling..

[FastWindow]

allegra that's it. The ultimate responsibility or not. If it's yours, by choice or not, you take it and do the very best you can to make sure the kids are okay. Including loving them and ensuring they knew. I would, anyway.

[barkinginessex]

Sorry if I offended anyone with my last post, I was projecting my own misery of being a step child and my step dad making it very clear I was second best.

[swingofthings]

Swing I agree, feelings are what you feel...they are not reasoned or necessarily rational! But how you treat your DSC/DSGC is what matters most...kindness and care is a love in itself!
Absolutely, I don't know why people always insist on how people should feel, when what you feel is the end result of how you act/others act with you.

Kindness and care is love in itself, but without some flavours, such as the innate sense of responsibility that comes with being a parent, the sense of ownership (yes, we do feel a sense of pride or guilt for our children that is different) and a bond and share personality traits/interests that means that you find it easier to spend time with your children than your SC.

My OH does love my kids although he doesn't show it much. They don't interact much at all, but I do know that if any of them were in distress, he would do anything to help them and that is his way of loving them. I am pretty sure their SM love them too in that she likes them a lot and wants the best for them, but without a doubt would put her kids first if it came to it.

[HormonalHeap]

Barkinginessex don't want to upset you but do you mind sharing in what way your step dad made you feel second best? Or was it something you just felt?

[lateforeverything]

Sorry to hear that barkinginessex. I really feel for you. I have a friend whose mum passed away when she was very young. Her dad remarried quite soon afterwards and the lady had two young daughters of her own and they soon all moved in together. My friend has really clear memories of her SM painstakingly separating all of the laundry and refusing to wash or iron any of my friend's clothes/school uniform because 'she's not mine.' My friend's mum died when she was just a baby and it's so sad that her dad married someone so cold. Her stepmum also showers her daughters and their families with gifts (clothes, cars even property) but my friend and her kids are barely acknowledged with a card because 'they're not blood'

[BlueberrySky]

In the animal kingdom it is not unusual for parents to kill an unrelated infant that comes into their 'home'.

I do think that some of the difficulties we have as blended families is that deep inside us is a resentment of step children, when a parent has their own kids.

I do not love my stepchild, I treat him differently to my own kids. I mother and nurture them and take responsibility for their upbringing. I do none of that with my DSS, and I do not expect my DH to do that with my kids.