Violent DSD

[OrchardBeginning]

My DSD is 17 and I've been with her Dad for 10 years ago. She's always been good on the whole but with an angry side and we've had ups and downs. I have 3 young children with her Dad and she's always been nice to them, not super close but nice enough. Tonight however one of the little ones (5yrs old) was being a bit annoying asking what DSD was doing and trying to get involved (DSD was taking selfies) and DSD was ignoring her. DD hit DSD on the arm as she was getting frustrated at being ignored, I was about to swoop in and tell DD off but before I could DSD turned and smacked DD across the shoulder so hard it's left a bright red mark / bruise. For context I know what DD did was wrong, but it was a small tap/hit on the arm trying to get attention.

Both me and her Dad shouted at DSD asking what she thought she was doing and she absolutely flipped - swearing, saying we always take DDs side, that DD bullies her (?!) and was slamming doors, banging on walls. Awful. DD was in tears, the other little ones were crying and now they're all scared of her.

I really don't know what to do. She's gone home now as we have EOW contact and it's over for the weekend. I don't want her back here in our house when could do that to a 5yr old. I don't really have that choice though do I so what happens now? Thanks for any advice.

[Ledkr]

i think mostly this was a reasonable tgreaf tho. Just one or two posters over reacting as usual.

[Wdigin2this]

Very mixed reactions which, as Bananas says, proves how difficult it is to be a SP! My grown DSD gets away with manipulating her DF financially, to a breathtaking degree, and no matter how much I try to discuss and resolve this, it still goes on...so basically, I have to put up with it, in the same way most of us on this site have to!!!

[Ledkr]

wdig surely that's a marriage issue tho?
My DH is well able to discipline and disagree with things to do with my dd. I am happy for him to do so.
I think the point with this op was not a lot to do with a step parent issue as the dad did aggree with his wife.
The issue for me was the banning her from the house without looking at other ways to resolve it.
Personally I never saw it as any different to if the ops birth child had hurt a younger sibling, no need to bannish her for a first and hopefully one off misdemeanour.

[Wdigin2this]

Ledkr, as I posted earlier, I agree that banning her from the house, or segregating her from her step-siblings would be a sledge hammer to smash a nut! The OP's husband may agree with her, but will he support her fully if they get around a table with the girls to explain why both are in the wrong, the 5 yo must be made to understand that irritating the teen is not acceptable....but the teen at 17 years of age, should be left in doubt that hitting a 5 yo is not something that will be tolerated under any circumstances!!

And yes the fact that my DSD manipulates her DF is in part a marriage issue, but it's also a SP issue, in that as her SM I cannot tell her to take a hike next time she asks for ££££'s....but if she were my own DD, I bloody well would!

[Ledkr]

I think you should!
After all it's your household income too.
It must be very hard, I don't envy you. I have two friends who are sm and struggle.
My Dds sm is quite nice and Id be happy for her to tell her off, severely if she'd hurt the younger ones.