Does your teenage stepchild have a Saturday job?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Dsd is 15.5yo. She's lovely, our relationship is great - always has been. Known her for 12 years, no issues or problems. We see her most weekends and she's a proper part of our family.

But. We think she's quite indulged and materialistic. Not dissimilar to many teenagers, but we had an eye opening chat with her last weekend.

It started with her saying that if she doesn't go to university her mum has said she'll buy her a car. Her mum has also told dh she expects him to help her financially through uni. We asked her if she plans to get a Saturday job. Firstly she told us she's not old enough. I told her she is, but she insisted she needs to be 16. In the next breath she said she wants to enjoy the summer with her friends, not work.

Now i know this probably isn't unusual. The trouble is we stop paying maintenance for dh's other daughter in July (who we have not seen for 4 years and is almost 18). Dh doesn't want to be seen to be pocketing the money (which comes to about £50) so has said that as we've been unable to afford to give dsd pocket money over the years he'll start giving her an allowance each month. Dsd also already gets £50 per month from her mum. At that age all my 'income' was from a Saturday job.

We don't want to encourage her to be lazy - dh has always refused to be a Disney dad. Also, she always has the latest iphone, wants an ipad, wears clothes and makeup i can only dream of affording! I love her to bits, but in view of her attitude to work I do wonder if dh will be doing the right thing.

Dh's ex has already also indicated that if dsd goes to 6th form college (20 miles from home) she'll be expecting him to help with travel costs for the bus she'll be taking. Dh has never shirked responsibility, but we both firmly believe that a strong work ethic and understanding of the value of money is really important. We both had jobs at her age and will expect similar from our ds. But this is clearly not being encouraged by her mum.

What would you do? Do your teenage stepchildren have Saturday jobs? Do they get an allowance? What are the financial expectations from you if they decide to go to university?

[Quesera21]

Personally would not give her £50pcm, may be £25pcm with clear instructions what this is for.

As to what the EX does with the monies, none of your business. Personally, she is an idiot for buying flash phones but to not have a laptop is a serious disadvantage in a digital world, where homework often needs to be done. Being unable to use Word in the job market is a serious disadvantage. Buying a car is a stupid idea.

However, your DP earns £27000pa, so he is paying Mum about £120pcm - that is £1440 per annum. It will be a big struggle to afford, course materials, travel, food, clothes phone, toiletries, general living etc on £2900 per annum between the two of them.

I do not follow how you are the only one paying for your joint DS - the remainder of his pay must contribute in someway to your household.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

He's currently paying ex £280 Quesera, as per csa guidelines...

[PrimalLass]

I think I was 17 before I had a Saturday job. I did a week clearing tables at the Open golf at 16, and spent it on a caravan holiday with my friends

[Stitchintime1]

Personally, I would help my children financially through university if I could afford it. The ex offering a car would not change my opinion on that. At 15 and a half, I would not expect her to work. She's taking GCSEs right?

[Stitchintime1]

In my neighbourhood, paper rounds are done by thirty something Eastern Europeans. And the part time supermarket work is done by university students. Does anyone employ fifteen year olds for anything other than babysitting?

[CaptainHolt]

I have a fast food business. I don't employ anyone until they have finished Y11. The restrictions are a pita as they can't work past 9pm and can't work on Sundays. 10 years ago we employed lots of A level and uni students but we currently only have 1 as most of out p/t vacancies are filled by adults who do it as a 2nd job. In my day it was really common for young teens to work on market stalls or cafes etc. I even got a job in a club as a glass collector before I'd left school but I don't think a bar would employ anyone now who was 3 years too young to serve. There are so many older people looking for work it is near impossible for 15yos.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

And after maintenance, salary sacrifice for part of ds's childcare costs, petrol for a 60 mile commute every day, half of mortgage and bills his money is gone. Mine isn't. We're a partnership, so what I earn pays for everything else - clothes for ds, the remainder of childcare costs, birthday and xmas presents for ds and dsd, any additional requests his ex makes, holidays etc etc.

[MeridianB]

The 'I'll buy you a car if you don't go to Uni' thing from her mum is so odd. Almost like a disincentive to go. And if it's a promise made without discussion with your DH then mum can enjoy funding it on her own.

I also agree about putting the £50pcm back into your household finances wnen it's no longer paid.

[Stitchintime1]

I think if I were the non resident parent, I would pay a decent amount (I'm afraid I think the CSA rates the bottom end of decent.) I would treat my children as I saw fit. If I wanted to buy them some clothes then I would. I would support them through education though I would probably draw the line at a Master's degree. I wouldn't give extra to the ex whenever she asked.

[Stitchintime1]

And I wouldn't expect a 15 year old to work.

[spidermanswoman]

My oldest dd is 16, 17 next month. She started job hunting as soon as she turned 16 and worked in Next over Xmas/New year on a temp contract and has been working at McDonald's for three months now, doing four shifts a week during term time. Two evenings 5-10 and both Saturday and Sunday (8 hour shifts). She's in 6th form doing A levels and on top of the school work and her job, volunteers one evening a week, does two activities and is a trainee lifeguard. We do a lot of driving!! However she gets a bursary which covers travel to and from school and she's using her wages to buy things we can't afford for her and also for her social life.

She's been researching universities, accommodation and bursaries/grants and is going to see one uni in a couple of weeks.

She's doing her NCS this summer too.

[swingofthings]

My DD is 15 and has been desperate to get a job since she was 12. Admintingly, she is not actively researching all the time, but every time she has looked about getting a job, either on line or asking in shops etc... she is told the same thing every time 'we don't employ under 16'. I think that is to do with regulations that make it easier for employers to recruit a 16 rather than 15 yo. She is quite frustrated about it, but she only has 6 months to go.

DD gets £30 a month, in addition to her mobile contract (certainly not the latest model), essential travel, school uniform and basics paid for (so the £30 is purely for fun). She is clear that if she wants more to enjoy, she needs to get a job (hence the frustration). I am pretty confident that once she reaches the magical '16', she will find it much easier to get that Saturday job.

[Pilgrimforever]

DD1 is 19 and has had a weekend job since she was 14. She's going to university in September and is having to survive on loans, grants and any money she can save from her job in a local cafe. We stopped paying her an allowance as soon as she got her job.
DD2 is 14 and has had a job since she was 13. We stopped paying her an allowance as well.
Term time they both only work weekends but in the holidays they work more.
DD2 has to have a work permit that has restrictions as to when and how much she works.

[Pilgrimforever]

The cafe where they both work has a variety of ages working there from 13 up.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

I worked from the age of 14. My parents also gave me an allowance, paid my essential travel, funded me through uni and bought me a car! I don't think funding things necessarily creates a spoilt entitled brat with no work ethic. I didn't have a day out of work from the age of 15 until having DD at 29.

[CaptainHolt]

swingofthings The rules don't change when they turn 16, but when they finish Y11 so if your dd is 16 in 6 months she will still have to wait until next summer when her exams are over. My niece has been in the same situation but is starting at McDonalds soon (her last exam is Friday and I think she is officially old enough then, despite a December birthday)

[Rebecca2014]

It be a bit easier for her to get a job once she is 18 but I will be encouraging my daughter to get a part time job when she's 16/17. I think the idea to put 50 pound aside towards driving lessons is an fantastic idea.

[BrowersBlues]

Both of my children got summer jobs at 14 and are now 16 and 18 and have worked weekends and holidays since. There are lots of cafes, restaurants, bars, hotels, etc where we live so it is an option for them. I encouraged them to get jobs and wouldn't be one bit happy if they didn't bother trying to find a job.

They always seem to like working, they made new friends and loved having the money. I am a lone parent and can't afford to give them a lot of money so it is just as well that they are working.

I come from a large family from the Jurassic Age (love that reference and going to start using it) and we all had to work from about 14. Someone who lived near me went to work on a fishing boat full time at 14 years of age after his dad died so that he could support his mother and sisters. He would be about 34 now so it was the 1800s. Not nice I know but I do think that young people are being wrapped in cotton wool by their parents.

I see no reason why your SDD should not get a job. I wouldn't be inclined to give her money for doing nothing. If she can't get a job she can help out around the house. At her age she should be cooking dinners and cleaning.

In my job I work with young adults and no joke they live in a dream world where mummy and daddy almost wipe their bottoms. They still live with their parents and treat them with disrespect. OK rant over ...

[BrowersBlues]

I meant to say 54 not 34!

[SunnyBaudelaire]

if the sixth form college is 20 miles away then would she not get a free bus pass?
Also, if children are still in education and under 18 I think parents should still be responsible....
but yes she could get a job too.

[madamymummy]

Just to correct someone below - they won't ask for dad's income on bursary form if they are estranged.