Namechanger; but long time user.. poo troll, penis beaker etc.
We are rapidly reaching our wits end with 10yo DSD. It might get long so grab yourself a cuppa!
Long history of reluctance to co parent from DSD Mum; lots of conflict - but things have become civil and more co parenting has happened over the last 18 months. All very positive.
DSD was bought a mobile phone for xmas by mum; and rules were enforced. Rules she has consistently flouted. Phone has now been removed as punishment; and mum is currently adamant phone won't be returned. We purchased her an ipod - and set similar rules, which are flouted less.
DSD behaviour is increasingly getting worse; (Some of this is new, most of it has been bubbling away on and off for a while)
Bullying of kids at school via Skype/Facetime/Messenger apps - results in devices being removed, lots of tears etc. Constantly low level bullies younger brother.
Blatant disregard for 'rules' despite punishments being dished out - seems to do it again 4 days later
Manipulation of things that have been said to cause trouble between houses - has been ongoing, but seemed to have stopped after a massive blow up 18m ago - it appears from speaking to Mum that its still been going on but hasn't been mentioned as tactic was to ignore
Lies. She will lie till she is blue in the face or confronted with evidence to prove her lies then admits, cries, apologies etc.
Her attitude and way of speaking to her mother is appalling; total lack of respect, but is a different child at her Dads house.
Over the last 3 months, we've sat her down, explained the expectation and agreed on her behaviour. We've punished until we are blue in the face and things do change for a while.
It feels like she seems to have the idea she has two lives, with two sets of behaviours.. and there is no cross over. To some extent, her parents have facilitated this, but she is rapidly coming to see this isn't the case and behaviour reports will 'follow' her between houses.
My DP raised a very valid point when discussing this - he feels the only quality time he has with her is EOW - and he spends it removing things or punishing her for behaviour that's either happened at either house. Having her more isnt an option as Mum isn't keen.
He isnt a Disney dad; just wants the positive side of parenting as well as this side.
The lies, manipulation and bullying are big issues for us; the attitude we don't see much so can't really address other than to remind her its not acceptable and punish if it happens at our house.
How can we get out of this cycle of constantly punishing and being the 'bad cop'...!
Anyone else have similar issues? Is there something else we could be doing to 'parent' her?
In all honesty, people say what a polite, well mannered and lovely little girl she is. You wouldn't believe it was the same child from the reports from Mums house. We appear to get the half way child between Mum's house behviour, and public behaviour.
It is really sad.
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How do we deal with this..?
21 replies
TQBD · 09/02/2015 11:22
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