I don't like my stepdaughter.

[Momof3girls3boys]

Ok. Here it goes. First I want to say, I have two stepdaughters. I am raising the youngest in my home. She is in all aspects my child although I didn't give birth to her. I love her unconditionally as I do my biological children. My problem is my older stepdaughter. I have major concerns and problems with her. About a year and a half ago she accused my 7 yr old of touching her sexually. My step daughter was 8 at this time. These accusations are totally unfounded and completely untrue. Two different state child services found these claims (and others I will mention shortly) to be totally untrue. In addition due to her mother trying to revoke my husband's visitation rights a court has also concluded all the accusations to be unfounded. A year prior to this incident (so 2 1/2 yrs ago) she accused my 16 yr old of touching her inappropriately (unfounded and untrue). My stepdaughter, 2 1/2 yrs ago, told me of her kissing 2 boys and a girl at school. When asked she told me she kissed all of them with using tongues. She has also accused me (I want to let you know I am a certified teacher, I teach kindergarten) of abusing her 1 1/2 yrs ago. Now, I do believe in spanking, but with that being said, I rarely spank my children. And I would never lay a hand on someone else's child. I might give a total of one spanking a year to all my kids combined. At that time she accused her dad, my husband of holding a sword to her throat and threatening to cut her head off and that he shot her with BB guns. All of her accusations have been investigated by child protective services and my husband, myself and the children have all been found innocent of all of her accusations. My husband has decided up until this point that she would no longer come to our house, but now she will be coming for Christmas this year. I'm so nervous about her visit and really am not looking forward to it. I feel horrible about this. I am going to try to have a great Christmas with all our kids but I can't get myself to quit disliking my stepdaughter no matter how hard I try. I've defended her to my husband when this all first happened saying her mother probably put her up to saying this stuff and that she's just a child. But now that I'm faced with having her come again and possibly accuse someone of something else I feel the way my husband did at first. Please help me deal with my conflicting emotions. Tell me I'm a horrible person or whatever. I am trying to work through this and except her as my daughter.

[NickiFury]

Yes and I didn't expect to be bringing two children with ASD up on my own because their Dad wasn't up to it. We all have our crosses to bear.

[StardustBikini]

I imagine our bunfight is of fairly low significance to the OP in the grand scheme of her life.

Her DCs have been accused of sexual assault on a child and she's had her career threatened by allegations made by her husbands DD. Not something any bride imagines facing during her married life.

[NickiFury]

I agree but wonder why you seem so surprised when you made such a massive contribution to it?

[StardustBikini]

The poor OP must be feeling like she's fallen down a rabbit hole and woken up in another dimension!
Not only has she been through hell over the last few years, her post about it on a transatlantic forum turned into a bunfight, and she's facing the prospect of having to plant cameras around her home in order to ensure that any "allegations" made by a family member can be disproved.
I doubt that anyone imagines they will find themselves and their children in that situation when they "get involved with a man with DCs".

Given what she and her DCs have been through, I wouldn't blame her for checking into a hotel suite with them for Xmas, as far away from the madness as possible!

[FlossyMoo]

In all honesty CB that is not a flame suit worthy suggestion It might help to relieve tension if there was a "back up" so to speak.

[NickiFury]

Camera in a Teddy Bear perhaps? Not sure about this, but it's certainly better than some of the "advice" that's been offered on this thread. So no flaming from me

[CockBollocks]

I may well be flamed for this, i'm not sure if its a good idea or not tbh but its a thought that I think I would consider in your position.

Can you put a hidden camera in each room? (not her room and then maybe a rule that others are not allowed in her room alone).

Bear with me before the red mist descends!!! This way you can plan a lovely christmas for all of you, relaxed in the knowledge that any allegations can immediately be quashed without stressful repercussions.

I'm not suggesting that the footage be viewed (or that anyone be aware) unless necessary, just there as a piece of mind. Then maybe with everyone relaxed and happy DSD will start to see visiting you as a haven and you can all spend time together protected and without fear.

Dons flame proof suit.

[FlossyMoo]

Here Star You need to find a new hobby if you are thinking about my posts this much. You can thank me later

[Pagwatch]

at raised eyebrow and chin stroking.

I wonder if shergar told her?

[StardustBikini]

It was a rhetorical question, flossy; complete with a Jeremy Paxman-esque raised eyebrow.

I don't expect you to "give me that information" - MNers aren't stupid, they can work it out.

Only MNHQ and the banned user know for sure who has been banned. As you say categorically that MN didn't tell you, then you must have found out from the banned user themselves, which would mean you are in contact with them off-board.

I find that interesting (I'm even stroking my chin while thinking about it), particularly in light of the scathing comments you made about that banned poster. What on earth would you have in common to discuss off-board, maybe even in RL, with a person you have such a poor opinion of? But then, I've always been a sucker for conspiracy theories

[FlossyMoo]

It's not an unreasonable assumption for people reading this thread to make - Someone must have told you. If not MNHQ, then who?

I have to give you this information why exactly?

[NickiFury]

No, no, no, that's just my opinion stardust not a request for moderation, so I hope that clears that up. I haven't been in touch with MNHQ over this thread and I don't for one moment expect or request that MNHQ actually do it, I just hope and like to think that decency will prevail (as it did before) and they might step in because I would prefer not to read that kind of bile and see how it encourages others to behave in the same way. It HAS been a breath of fresh air in certain posters absence not to have to read it. I stand by that.

[StardustBikini]

Just to clarify something. I never said MNHQ informed me of a member getting banned. You came to that conclusion all by yourself.

So how do you know the poster that you, and others, have referred to repeatedly (and who has been personally attacked) on this thread has, in fact, been banned?

It's not an unreasonable assumption for people reading this thread to make - Someone must have told you. If not MNHQ, then who?

[Stalequavers]

even where it derails the thread from helping the OP to debating your perceptions?

I think both sides are guilty of this on this thread

[Pagwatch]

I have read it.
I have suggested repeatedly with you that you should probably take it up with MNHQ. I'm saying I have no idea what mnhq have done, about whom, or why. I have no hotline to mnhq. If you want to know what they are doing they are the ones who can tell you. I'm only querying the usefulness of asking on the thread but, if that's what floats your boat, knock yourself out.
I'm not sure how to express that differently.

[FlossyMoo]

It is clear from posts made by those regular users on this thread that MNHQ have shared details with them about which individuals have been banned in the past

Just to clarify something. I never said MNHQ informed me of a member getting banned. You came to that conclusion all by yourself.
For the record MNHQ have never informed me or to my knowledge anyone else that a poster has been booted. They have on occasion announced it on a thread where it was an obvious troll but not to individuals.

[StardustBikini]

even where it derails the thread from helping the OP to debating your perceptions?

This thread had been derailed long before I posted on it

[StardustBikini]

I thought you'd read the thread, pag?

To save you trawling back, I'll summarise. There's a post from yesterday that states that expressing anti-stepchild opinions on this board should be stamped out, that it's been a breath of fresh air here since the previous posters who expressed those views were banned, and it was hoped that MNHQ wouldn't take so long to get on top of the problem this time.

Elsewhere on the web, that is referred to as post moderation.

[MonstrousRatbag]

I don't see anything wrong with highlighting those inconsistencies on the thread where such contradictions are apparent

even where it derails the thread from helping the OP to debating your perceptions?

[Pagwatch]

I have no idea what you are talking about but knock yourself out. I've never communicated with mnhq about this board or anyone using it.
I'm sure mnhq will get back to you.

[StardustBikini]

If my understanding about the thrift of your post is correct you seem to have a problem with mnhq and their ethos. Perhaps you would like to rides that with them rather than trying to personally craft your vision of how this board operates on to their website?

I wouldn't have a "problem" with MNHQ ethos, regardless of whether agreed with it or not. MNHQ ethos has been represented by posters on this thread in a way I was not previously aware of; there is the clear implication that MNHQ have previously banned posters and deleted posts based on the opinions expressed in those posts rather than the language or adherence to talk guidelines. The terms "getting on top of it" and "stamping out' step-child hating attitudes is how past MNHQ moderation has been referred to on this thread. I have asked MNHQ to confirm this, but as yet, they haven't responded. Its perfectly reasonable for posters of draw conclusions about the ethos of a site based on the statements about it's moderation made by regular users.

It is clear from posts made by those regular users on this thread that MNHQ have shared details with them about which individuals have been banned in the past - that is clearly against the spirit of the published site ethos, but it is MNHQs site, and if that's how they choose to run it, that's up to them! I don't see anything wrong with highlighting those inconsistencies on the thread where such contradictions are apparent, though, after all, it's a public site - but MNHQ themselves can hit the delete button!

[Pagwatch]

Yeah, I have a 12 year old, I get that a lot

[HesNotAMessiah]

Think it's time for a 'whatever' from me...

[Pagwatch]

I used 'you' rather than 'one' because 'one' sounds a bit pompous.

I've read the thread. I'm perfectly apply with what I have posted. If anyone is unhappy with anything I have posted they are welcome to report it/me.

I can only be responsible for what I post. I can't be responsible for how you interpret it. I have apologised to you if I have offended you. If you have a problem with anything else I have posted then by all means report me.
That's how it's supposed to work and I am perfectly happy with that.

[NickiFury]

You should report any threads you feel break talk guidelines Hes that tends to clear up whether or not people are posting problematically.