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Step-parenting

Dirty washing

61 replies

Snoozybird · 07/03/2014 08:47

We have the DSCs every week from Thursday (at 6pm, not straight from school) till Sunday pm. They usually come over in their own clothes and bring their school uniforms with them, which we send back with the kids on the Sunday washed and ironed.

Today is a non school uniform day for 3 out of 4 of the DSCs and mum has packed up the dirty uniforms in a bag and sent them over for us to wash. So basically we have a whole extra couple of loads to do i.e uniforms as usual plus what the DSCs are wearing today. We only just keep on top of our washes as it is, as we have to dry the clothes on limited radiator space (they smell mouldy if we use an airer). BTW mum doesn't wash the uniforms at all during the week, they just get done once a week with us.

It often works out that between the four of them, one or other of the DSCs will have a non-uniform day every other week or so and up till now we've washed the extra clothes without fuss, but I think sending over three lots is taking the mick.

Am I petty for feeling annoyed or is she petty for packing up dirty clothes specially so we can wash them?

I think I know the answer but needed a rant Grin

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Benzalkonium · 09/03/2014 09:26

See, I really take issue with the 'must be purchased from the school or special shop' crap. The minute they start insisting on this, I think they really have to ensure there is a 2nd hand market for parents who struggle.

low waged parents struggle too, not just those on benefits.

But this is a whole other thread, like I say!

I hope op finds the school helpful.

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monkeymadness1 · 08/03/2014 20:33

Yeah, ours have 2nd hand sales but that's organised by the PTA and from donations from parents to raise funds rather than sorted directly by the school.

Our school is a normal state primary and our school jumpers and cardigans must be purchased via the school or school shop in town. £16 cardigans and £15 jumpers. They are really good quality though and wash up really well. Each kid only needs 2, could get away with just 1 each of your kids aren't messy eaters! Grin

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Benzalkonium · 08/03/2014 18:57

No... I guess not, but if they insist on a particular supplier, then it would be mean of them not to facilitate second hand uniform, as it can get so expensive.

I am only going on my experience here. Our local selective school has 2nd hand stuff which anyone struggling can ask for. Which is just as well because the uniform list adds up to hundreds of pounds.

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monkeymadness1 · 08/03/2014 17:26

Surely no school is obliged to provide uniform to parents? I though parents on benefits were given a uniform grant each year to help with costs?

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Benzalkonium · 08/03/2014 16:41

Schools who insist on expensive uniform really have an obligation to support parents.... Ask at reception. Our school secretary puts any relevant aged stuff in a bag and gives it direct to the kids now, as we are. The only ones who accept it Blush but I'm not forking out 10 quid a shot for cardigans! But this is a whole other thread.....

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Snoozybird · 08/03/2014 16:22

Thanks for the info Benzalkonium, might be worth us looking into. I'm surprised too that the DSCs wear their uniform all week yet their normal clothes are washed after a day's wear...it's definitely not our place to say anything though!

monkey I wish the weather was lovely here, it's been very grey and gloomy here today!

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monkeymadness1 · 08/03/2014 14:23

Snoozybird. I can't believe you washed them. You're a better person than me. Id have handed them back tomorrow evening and their mum could have washed them and out them on radiators! I really hope you hand her back their dirty non uniform clothes. Seems petty but you're not her bloody laundry woman!

Incidentally, it's gorgeous outside today- can you stick them on the washing line? Smile

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TheMumsRush · 08/03/2014 14:08

I might try sending their bedding to be laundered! Grin I've never heard if such a thing! Lol

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Benzalkonium · 08/03/2014 13:26

Don't wash the non-uniform clothes... If she is handing you a bag of dirty laundry to deal with then you can reciprocate.

Im surprised how many people seem to only have one set of uniform... It is expensive, but can be passed down. I have loads of uniform ( lots of 2 nd hand) so they can get it changed any time the chuck their dinner down it.

Have you asked the school if they have a second hand box?

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Snoozybird · 08/03/2014 13:06

Uniforms are washed and on radiators. We won't be ironing them though Wink

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allnewtaketwo · 08/03/2014 12:52

Frog lol at bringing their own towels & bedding Shock

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FrogbyAnotherName · 08/03/2014 08:03

Im Another one who was 'not allowed' to wash my DHs DCs clothes (or towels/bedding which they also used to bring with them in their neatly packed suitcases).

I used to get a perverse pleasure from knowing that DHs ex would launder the unused towels and bedding when the DCs took them home - and relaunder all the clothes I'd put through with the household washes while they were here. Sadly, the DCs were dragged into it and told to hide washing from us, so eventually, we gave up.

DH assures me it's not personal - his ex used to do the same when their DCs stayed with relatives, too!

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daisychain01 · 08/03/2014 07:16

Another DSM here, with solidarity re school uniform. DP and I realised long ago its "the last frontier" for DSSs mum to give us grief. Pathetic, frustrating and petty isnt it?

We ended up having to write a letter pointing out she was only compromising her son's education by buggering about with uniform, witholding her set of uniform which left DSS short during our period of care, not sharing the burden of buying new school shoes, school bags every trick in the book (subtext, she earned about 3 times what DP earned at the time, bought new cars every two years but still wouldnt stick her hand in her pocket for her DS!). We "cc'd" her solicitor ( i.e. the letter didnt get sent there but it was an interesting result because all the shenanigans instantly stopped! What a surprise)

YADNBU snoozy, and its a bit of a rock and a hard place for you Sad - send the clothes back dirty is likely to be inflammatory and may impact the DCs if she gets them involved - do the washing and it sets a precedent.

So did you end up doing it?

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heidiwine · 07/03/2014 23:18

So amused to read this...
DP has 2 girls and their Mum has recently decided that on our weekend we do all school washing (including full games kit) except youngest DSDs school skirt which we can't be trusted with because: 'Heidi ruined the pleats' when ironing.
With games kit and our washing we have 4 loads (and no tumble drier).
We don't say anything though - no energy to fight it and DPs ex would involve the girls which would make the whole thing worse than it is...

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Snoozybird · 07/03/2014 23:08

^Meepers* smelling is believing Grin

Agreed it's not right for the DSCs to send back the dirty clothes which is why I said previously we're doing them anyway. Was just interested to know whether I was reasonable to feel peeved by it, that's all.

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Meepers · 07/03/2014 22:50

I don't really understand how that's possible but ok. Dry cleaners this once or just hold back on some of your washing over the weekend.

I just don't think it's right to send the clothes back unwashed when DC will need them. As I have said the Mum was unfair to do it but really it's a bit of washing.

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Snoozybird · 07/03/2014 22:44

GreenGoblin the DSCs usually want to wear a different (nicer) set of clothes to go back to Mum's on the Sunday.

Meepers as said in my OP the clothes smell mouldy if we put them on airers, even in front of the radiators.

Cabrina DSCs mum doesn't want the DCs on the weekends as that's when she sees her DP (we've asked, she's said no).

I am also gobsmacked at the numbers of posters not allowed to do their DSc's washing Shock

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Meepers · 07/03/2014 22:24

Really don't do the washing and send it back Sunday night when there will probably be no time for it to be washed dried and ironed before school for the kids? Nice.

It's a little bit of washing. Yeah Ok so Mum probably shouldn't have sent it but so what? Do it this time and say not again.

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Strawberryjuice · 07/03/2014 22:08

NO NO NO.

She's taking the piss.

Please don't do that washing.

Send it back dirty. Be strong girl.

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Cabrinha · 07/03/2014 21:51

Not having a go at anyone here, but... how sad is it, the number of people not "allowed" to wash clothes? How flipping ridiculous. And for the children to be dragged into it too :(

OP, obviously you've said there's backstory so I'm guessing YANBU!! But without a backstory, I did wonder as someone earlier did about division of labour. Especially as she does 4 night's before school to your 1... Perhaps she sees you (your husband I mean) as getting the fun whilst she gets the slog, and uniform washing is to even that out in her mind?
I'm not criticising your arrangements, I'm sure it's all agreed and for good reasons. But just from my own point if view, I'd be gutted to never have weekends with my child!

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Meepers · 07/03/2014 21:19

Why not put clothes on an airer and stick it in front of a radiator turning it occasionally? Confused

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GreenGoblin0 · 07/03/2014 20:10

I don't understand why you need to wash the clothes they are wearing now as well as the school uniforms? I would just wash the uniform as otherwise there won't be time for them to be washed and dried on Sunday night but send them back in the clothes they came in without washing them as there's no need to wash these is there? That way you don't have extra washing.

Ps further to other posts on the thread I'm glad I am not the only one who has been deemed not fit to wash DSC's school uniforms "mummy says you'll ruin them you're not allowed to wash them mummy will be angry" and "mummy says the smell" although a complete u-turn was performed when it suited her... :-/

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monkeymadness1 · 07/03/2014 18:52

QueenTea "boils my piss" Smile Oh I love that! So many things DSC's mum does really boil my piss!

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monkeymadness1 · 07/03/2014 18:50

I understand why you normally wash them at yours OP. They wear them there Thursday, perhaps get washed Thurs night but either way they get worn Friday. Then over Sat and Sun you wash them to take back to mums house Sun Pm ready for school Monday.

However, this time they didn't need them for Friday, so they took them off on Thursday, they changed into their own clothes and mum packed their dirty uniforms to send to you to not be used just to be washed?

She's having a laugh. Id expect DP to call her and ask if he machines broken. If not, send them back unwashed. Cheeky mare! She gets every single weekend child free, hardly struggling for time to put a wash or two on.

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QueenTea33 · 07/03/2014 18:07

No advice for you, but I certainly can sympathise. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Dsd's mum doesn't wash ANYTHING and happily sends dsd to school in dirty clothes whenever she's with her. She sends her to us on Sundays in dirty clothes, knowing I'll wash them before I send them back and if it's a non uniform day on a Friday, she'll give us our uniform (as if she's gonna buy it!) back unwashed, even though it will have been just sitting there since Thursday.

It seriously boils my piss. How hard is it to stick a wash on occasionally?!

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