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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Mess!

16 replies

GuernseyTeddy · 11/12/2013 15:38

Going to go a bit mental methinks. SD here today for the start of holiday period with us, and already her room is a bomb. I can't not go in there as I have to store DS's clothes in there (DS's tiny room only has enough room for his cot and nursing chair).

We have explained numerous times that having the big room is a privilege, and that if she won't keep it tidy then DS will be having that room.

But whenever I have to go in to get stuff for DS, the room is a state. Clothes, school stuff all over the floor, along with crafting cut outs, glue, pens with lids left off.

I don't want to be the nasty stepmom, but this kind of thing is a red rag to me. I always put anything back where I got it from, never leave shoes lying around.

Why are some kids so freaking untidy??!

OP posts:

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sparklysilversequins · 11/12/2013 15:51

How old is she?

DoingItForMyself · 11/12/2013 15:54

My DD is the same, I'm about to downsize her to the smallest room as I can't bear the mess and its not fair that the others have a smaller room than her but she still can't play in hers.

Can't she do crafts etc downstairs so that you can supervise her clearing it all away before dinner?

I know how annoying it is, but I don't think its exclusively a step- problem, its just DCs in general. Perhaps as yours is so young you have yet to realise the devastation they can cause in later years.

AdoraBell · 11/12/2013 16:04

Sounds exactly like my DDs. And my stepson when he was younger.

I suggest her father tackling this would be best, but not in a "tidy your room" way. He needs To listen To her and Get her To understand the benefit to her of having a tidy room To relax in.

I would also put the baby's clothes in his parents room.

Growing up one of my gripes was my sisters coming into my room To find their things. This was the reason I never cleaned it and made sure their things got screwed up in my wardrobe. They each had a warbrode twice the size if mine, btw, but I was expected To share mine with them. And their were no step parents or half/step siblings.

And YY To having her do her crafts in the kitchen with some company.

GuernseyTeddy · 11/12/2013 16:54

There's no room in our bedroom for an extra set of drawers. When we were decorating both bedrooms pre baby - the choice was smaller room all to yourself or bigger room which will have to store the babies clothes.

DSD is only here every other weekend, it's just the 50% holidays where the needing to keep the room neat is an issue.

Would much prefer crafting to be done at the kitchen table though!!

OP posts:

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 11/12/2013 17:02

Isn't it just what kids do? I think you are BU, sorry.

MirandaWest · 11/12/2013 17:06

How old is she? Tbh it sounds pretty normal for any child.

sparklysilversequins · 11/12/2013 17:17

Most kids need to be helped. I have to stand in my children's rooms and direct operations, obviously I usually cannot bear the slow progress and dive in tidying up too but they will do it if helped with the practical planning aspect of it.

IThoughtThat · 11/12/2013 17:36

I don't like the kids rooms to be messy but I would probably ignore this. Is it just mess or is there old food and drinks. Mess is not half as bad as old food. It's reasonable to ask her to leave it tidy at the end of the weekend though.
How old is she and do you normally get involved in disciplining her?
Is she normally good? If so maybe you could just give her a break on this.
What does her Dad think?

purpleroses · 11/12/2013 18:21

My DD is 10 and exactly like that. She's just impulsive, full of energy and flits from one activity to another. I do get her to clear up regularly. Encouraging her to put some music she likes on helps. And breaking it down in to chunks - eg - put away 30 things before dinner, 30 things more before breakfast, etc. She also needs help sometimes with making sure there is a place for everything, encouraging her to get rid of old stuff, etc.

If she's got messy crafty stuff in her room, you might be better moving those to somewhere downstairs and making a rule that she has to ask before using them.

I wouldn't move her to the smaller room as a punishment, but you could do it as a response to DS getting older and needing more space, or if you could persuade her that she'd like the smaller room as it could be more grown up and easier to keep tidy - she might at one stage want to resit the decision to have the smaller room all to herself.

AdoraBell · 11/12/2013 18:24

I would still keep the baby's clothes in your's or his bedroom. By saying "a room To yourself" and then using it the store another person's clothing you - as in the adults- have renaiged on a deal. And with a step child that sends the message you are second best, whether the parents intend To or not. Whether they live with you permanently or not.

If there's no room for moré furniture then you may need To make do making a space in the existíng furniture. Perhaps DH could make space for the baby's clothes in his drawers?

RandomMess · 11/12/2013 18:26

Some dc are just far more messy than others it is in part a personality thing. We kept art and craft stuff downstairs for use at the dining table until very very recently!

CountryGal13 · 11/12/2013 20:31

My sds room is always messy. After she's gone, I close the door and don't think about it. It's up to her dad to tidy it for her, or for him to insist that she does it herself. I just don't let it bother me.

Aroundtheworldandback · 11/12/2013 22:20

Afraid to say dd 15 exactly the same, no malice intended but just bloody frustrating!

GuernseyTeddy · 12/12/2013 08:11

Can't keep baby's stuff in our room. He has a full chest of drawers, properly organised and sectioned i.e sleepwear, vests, bibs, socks etc in compartments in the top drawer; clothes that currently fit him in the middle drawer; snowsuits, wetsuits, clothes he's yet to grow into etc. in the bottom drawer. Dressing him in the morning/evening takes all of five minutes. Don't really want to jumble about every day searching through one overflowing drawer in our bedroom.

But agree messiness is just a mixture of personality/nurture. Hoping by the end of the two weeks here, she might have acquired some 'how we do it' habits.

OP posts:

MellowAutumn · 15/12/2013 21:17

You need to show her and help her - have a time each day when you do a tidy up - but please be kind and patient as some of us are just naturally less organised than others

catsmother · 16/12/2013 05:47

I don't think the adults have reneged on any "deal" here as the OP explained SD was given the option of the smaller room "all to herself" or, the larger room which would also have to store the baby's clothes. Saying therefore that SD has somehow been given the idea that she's "second best" is stretching it a bit. And in some homes, there simply isn't extra space to be found in other rooms, so those family members lucky enough to have a bit more space have to compromise.

I do however agree that depending on her age, and so long as it's not food mess, that this is pretty typical of most kids. It's not unreasonable to insist that messy crafts are done elsewhere if she tends to be careless with it but clothes not put away and so on is something I'd try not to get too stressed about ...... but a regular daily tidy up is a good idea to encourage before the mess gets out of hand.

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