Teeth and dentists

[twinkletwinkle9]

Hi,
I'm just after some advice on how to handle the situation we're in please.
I have two DSC, DSD is 8 and DSS is 5 and we're really concerned about their teeth and the lack of concern that their Mum seems to have about the problems.
DSS has had many fillings, about 12 all together, has had several abscesses and has recently had to have 6 teeth extracted. When he was a baby he got quite poorly and had to spend some time in hospital and apparently the antibiotics he was given could have weakened his teeth.
DSD hasn't had any problems with her milk teeth but now she has adult teeth and within months of some of them coming through they were stained, a yellowy-orangey stain, but now her front teeth are starting to go brown.

Whilst they're with us we do our best to limit sugary treats, we supervise them brushing etc.
DP's Mum used to spoil them with sweets and chocolate (like grannies do) but we've spoken to her and she's subtly made changes too.

DP has spoken to his ex about it but she just always shrugs it off. Apparently she cleans their teeth twice a days (although the kids tell us that they don't have to clean them at bedtime!), she blames the problems with DSS's teeth on them being weak and apparently the dentist has said that DSD's teeth are fine, but how can brown stains be fine?

We've recently changed dentists (through recommendation) and he is so lovely, I'm a really nervous patient and he really put me at ease and he was absolutely fantastic with my 4yo DS too, explaining what everything is, letting him play with the buttons on the chair, DS really enjoyed it.
As DSS has had really bad experiences of the dentist he is understandably terrified of going so DP has suggested to his ex that we register them at our dentists as he is so good with nervous patients and children but she just said "it's OK, I'm their Mother, I'll look after their dental care thank you!"

What else can we do? We don't want to seem like we're having a go at her but we also don't want the kids to grow up hating the dentists or having to have more work on their teeth.

[stepmooster]

What kind of brown stains are they? The sort caused by too much flouride intake? This happens if children ingest too much flouride in water/supplements/swallowing too much adult toothpaste over the years.

I come from an area that had flouride in the water, some kids had brown teeth. If it's a flouride problem then it's just a cosmetic issue and the children's dentist may be quite correct in their assessment. So if the mum is already taking the children to the dentist I can see why she might get a bit defensive at the suggestion of swapping the dentist. It doesn't sound like there is much trust from your DP that his ex can parent properly. Is there really any reason why that should be?

I think if your DP is that concerned he should be able to contact the chidlren's dentist directly for more information. DH did this with his son's GP over some other health issue the ex wasn't being helpful with. In our case she was taking DSS to the doctor's just not willing to discuss it with DH and he felt he needed to know about things for when DSS stayed with us.

At the end of the day though, its not your responsibility to worry about this, it's the children's parents. I know it's hard to step back sometimes but I've learnt you have to I am afraid!

[twinkletwinkle9]

I've googled the stains and it looks like something caused by a bacteria / poor cleaning.
DSD really doesn't like cleaning them, she'll try and get out of doing it or not do it very well.
We don't even know which dentist they're registered at so can't just speak to them. Unless we try ringing them all in the area?

We don't have flouride in our water in this area, to my knowledge she hasn't given them any supplements so I can't see it being due to flouride.


I know it's not really my problem but I'm kind of asking on behalf of DP too.

And although it's not my responsibility when DSS is often in tears with the pain from his teeth, I mean there's been several times when our plans have been put on hold because we're nursing him or spending the day on the phone trying to find an emergency dentists who will see him - it turns out they won't see children about milk teeth, regardless of how much pain they are in :(

So it does still impact on me and our family.

[LineRunner]

I agree that your DH should go to the DC's dental appointments.

[PrettyPaperweight]

Your DP can make contact with their current dentist, and take the DCs along there by making an appointment himself , or take them to your new Dentist - they can have appointments there as well as continuing to see their current dentist with Mum.

your DP doesn't need his ex's permission (I'm assuming that he has PR?) and he doesn't have to tell her in advance - although I suggest he emails/txt'd her afterwards to let her know and reassures the DCs that he has told her, so they don't have to keep secrets or worry about her reaction.

[PrettyPaperweight]

Just seen that your DP doesn't know which dentist they are with.

Why doesn't he ask her the direct question? Please send me details of the DCs dentist. If she refuses, it might be worth escalating it to a solicitors letter - she is obstructing his responsibility as a parent if she won't tell him.

[Gingersnap88]

Have very similar problems with my DSS (7). Last year he had 7 teeth extracted because they were rotten :( and metal caps put in.
His mum swears blind that he brushes them and doesn't eat too many sweets and that he must just have bad teeth.

In reality, they eat a lot of highly processed foods, so hidden sugar in everything. Lots of fruit juice, ready meals, frozen meals, ready made sauces, sweets, fizzy drinks etc.

There's not much you can do really. We bought him 2 electric toothbrushes, 1 for here and 1 for at mums. I buy him mouthwash and we try to educate him on healthy eating. I try to make everything myself and to lower the sugar content but its hard. She won't even discuss it with us.

Now his big teeth are coming through, we just remind him that he needs to look after them if he wants to avoid going through it all again.

[Xalla]

We have the same problems with DSD7. She'd had 4 fillings before she was 4. I remember picking her up from nursery when she was 2 to find the 'drink' her Mum had provided her with was a bottle of Dr Pepper!

DH signed my DSD up for something called Denplan (free for under 5's and about £80 a year after that) and then registered her with a private dentist himself. Mum could have continued taking DSD to whatever NHS dentist she was registered with (she wouldn't tell DH which one it was either - kept 'forgetting') but as far as we're aware, she hasn't taken her to the dentist at all since DH stepped in.