Having second thoughts. Am I walking into a disney situation?

[MrsDexHolland]

Been together around 2 years, met each others kids after 8 months. He has a 14 year old DD who lives with him and rarely sees her mother and I have a 13 year old DS who lives with me. We have been out all together on a few occasions and it has gone relatively well but there is always that part of him that seems terrified of upsetting his DD to the point where she just seems to walk all over him. Example of this was he had a house inspection last week and kept telling me her room was a disgrace and he was going to see to it that it got cleaned - half an hour later he sent her a text message whilst she was at school saying "Hi xx don't suppose you'd mind getting the bus home tonight so I can get on with cleaning the house? I'll tidy your bedroom for you if you do :-) xxxx" The school is a 10 minutes away on bus or a 25 minute walk yet he arranges his days like this so he can taxi her there and back. It's like the roles are reversed, she's the adult and he's the child creeping for things he wants frightened to death he will get in trouble! anyway she sent a message back saying "I suppose so but you're cleaning my ENTIRE room and I want it done before I get home" so he replied "ok hehe xxxxx" ???

Like I say there are a few examples, too many to list here really but another thing is she controls their TV, he has to record all his stuff and watch it when she's out. I saw a message he sent to her once saying "will you be out around 9pm?" and she text back "no, why?" so he replied "the new series of bones is on, do you have homework or anything?" she she replied "no you'll have to record it" so he sent back a message saying "aww booo"

She dropped her laptop and completely broke it last month so he raced out the same day and bought her a brand new one on his credit card costing £500. He said it was an early christmas present and she would only be getting stocking fillers at christmas. Since then he's bought her a new smart phone costing £150 and a new camera costing nearly £100.

It's absolute madness. When we're all together she seems like a normal teenager and we do all get on but their home life seems so back to front. I've heard of spousification and this reminds me of it. The reason I am making this "my" business is because he wants us all to move in together. Am I right in thinking I would be walking into a Disney situation?

[Gooshka]

Keep your own houses for goodness sake. Wait till the children have grown up and left - honestly, it would be a living nightmare if you all lived together. If he is this soft with his daughter now, it will be even worse if you and your son move in as she'll demand even more control to ensure she stays 'top dog' in the famy. God, i can't imagine a worse situation. Thankfully my husband has always been a proper "parent" (ie not trying to be 'pals' with his kids) and makes it clear that he and I are the hub of the family (he's very protective of our marriage). Yet STILL step family life is hard so it must be impossible if the children rule the roost!! You can still have a relationship without living together .

[sincitylover]

Do people think then as a general rule that it might be better on the whole to wait in these situations until the teenager has left home?

I ask this because I simply can't imagine a man moving in with me and my two dcs. Unless he was a saint!!

Maybe too negative but just see endless attempts for ds1 and him to be top dog/alpha male - call it what you will whilst I would be stuck in the middle trying to smooth things over.

I don't think I could stand the stress tbh.

So rightly or wrongly I have more or less decided to wait before living with another man when they are still here.

Sorry to sound so negative. I think in this case it would be hellish to move in with this man.