i recently introduced my 2 DDs (3 & 6) to my new partner (of 4 months) who has zero experience with children... he's also an only child so no experience of having to even share a space, besides one previous adult relationship.
He invited us to come to his house for the weekend and it became clear when in his house, he found it hard to relax with two screeching kids running about. He'd be fine for a certain amount of time, playing and cooking for them, then the next moment, he's be looking frustrated and behaving impatiently. Nothing overtly rude, just a clear sense of being out of his comfort zone. When we were all out the house on walks/park etc, everything seemed totally fine. Soon after going back to his house though, again he seemed to only manage bursts of time with them before wanting space away from them. We spoke about it a few times over the weekend and he was very honest- that he found it difficult to adapt as he was so used to everything being a certain way and found it hard to remain patient. He asked me to be patient with him and allow him time to get used to things being different. At one point i got upset because he was snippy with the kids banging about after their bath as it felt like a direct criticism of them just being regular kids and i didn't want them to feel unwelcome. I felt hugely emotional about it as my ex has been behaving badly, using them against me, refusing to look after them so i can work etc. I didn't want them to feel in any way rejected by my new partner too so when i saw him upset with their noise, I felt incredibly protective.
Overall the kids really like him, especially my oldest daughter who he seemed to bond with very easily. he's fun and caring but set in his ways/quite particular and anal about cleanliness etc and i worry he won't manage to adapt and be more flexible about kids being messy/loud and demanding at times.
I wouldn't want to put my kids in a situation where they felt they were walking on eggshells so I'm not sure if maybe he's just not ready for a whole weekend of them and perhaps a more gradual approach might be better, although the weekend was his idea.
He says he feels positive that given time, he can adjust to the point where he's comfy with everything but is worried I'm feeling disappointed in him. I suppose I was a bit disappointed although I understood where he was coming from.... I'm one of 3 siblings and obviously have been a parent for 6 years so it's hard to put myself in his position.
any advice would be welcome.
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Step-parenting
New partner with no experience of children
10 replies
lahdeeda · 21/09/2011 11:31
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dadsgirlfriend ·
22/09/2011 14:12
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