Just waiting for DSS to arrive...

[travispickles]

... and really not looking forward to it. I must try to enjoy this weekend but am so tired and only just coping with major life change with having 8 week old baby, find it exhausting trying to make DSS not feel left out. DP seems to think he is fine but is clearly in denial/ not picking up signals. He took a photo of the baby sat next to hi m on sofa and the evil looks he is throwing say it all if you ask me! Why is it so hard?!

[wendihouse22]

I'd go with redhen.....let your partner "do" stuff with SS and YOU take care of you and baby.

[onlyone]

It is called sibling rivalry and has very little to do with steps. My eldest loathed the new baby for quite some time, Ex took him out loads let me bond but when home he was engaged with feeding the baby, working up to doing poo eventually!

tootingbec has it right!

[pfilfaerie]

thinking .. I know, just at the moment I really cannot be doing with it .. waiting for this very late baby is enough pressure ... the day got worse but hey its over now .. crowned once again with his mother being three hours late to get him.... but I am not going to let it get to me =0) ... not today x

[Tootingbec]

Hi Travis - wow! 8 weeks already! On the baby front, things do start to get a little bit easier from now on (says the woman woken up 2x last night by her 20 week old and at the crack of dawn by her toddler ready to start the day.....)

Echo what everyone else says, get your DP to take DSS out and do stuff together - this will not only give you some peace but show DSS that he is still very important to his Dad. And when they are back home, take the opportunity to go out with the baby - they are so portable at this age so make the most of visiting places you like (shopping/art galleries/coffee shops/whatever). Any chance you could go out for a few hours between feeds yourself without the baby? Your DP and DSS could then look after the baby, helping DSS "bond" a bit.....

I can't remember how old your DSS is, but if he is a bit older (8 or 9?) then he will quickly realise that his new brother/sister is no real threat to him as they are basically pretty boring and can't do "stuff" yet with his dad.....The other thing to do is try to engage him in helping out with the baby (helping bath him or even give him a bottle if you are formula feeding/expressing - obviously with eagle eyed supervision!)

My DSD loved my DD when she arrived but is now foul to her at times (DD is toddler so can be a right pain in the arse obviously!) but she loves her new baby brother because a) he is a boy and so no "threat" and b) he doesn't demand attention from her Dad because he is still permanently attatched to my tits (Tooting Bec wanders off at this point to the breast feeding forum....). The point I am trying to make is that sibling rivalry is sibling rivalry and you would prob be coping with it if DSS was your child too, but with more tolerence and less "arrrgggggg can't you just chip off back to your mothers?" (or is that just me?)

[thinkingkindly]

It is your ss's fault Pfil. He should be acknowledging you and treating you with respect in your own home, even if he doesn't like you. Get your DH to give him some clear rules about interacting with you - speaking directly to you when he comes in, answering questions with more than a monosyllable etc etc. Don't leave him in a rut when it comes to your relationship with him.

[pfilfaerie]

I am presently on day three with ss here .. after two years he still doesn't really acknowledge me .. baby due last Wednesday haha!
Battle on ... I see glimmers every now and then .. Its not my ss fault its his mother ... ;0)

[theredhen]

Yes, get DP to take him out and give you some space.

Don't try too hard to amuse him, make that your DP's job. Look after yourself and baby. xx

[thinkingkindly]

It does get easier, honestly. But at this point, don't try too hard. Concentrate on your baby, and just let things happen around you. You will feel less resentful that way - and will probably naturally do the right thing then. Great if your Dp can take DSS out, but not lots! You need some help too.

[Pancakeflipper]

Get DP to take him out alot. Park, cinema, bowling, meals out etc so you appear enthusiastic when they return home with a big smile ( and a pile of DVD's and popcorn for them). Grit your teeth. It will get easier.

[WinterLover]

Can you let him and DP have some time together? I'm dreading this, come august il be in your position.

Was DSS looking forward to baby?