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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

Mrs F are you around????

81 replies

Blossomhill · 01/04/2005 23:01

Hope you are okay.
Blossomx

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MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:43

The 'kids not remembering dust....but remembering mum too busy'...i had a poem like that once.....and it sure reminds me of my childhood.

one thing i am sure is they kniow i love them....and they 'joke' about my forgetfulness etc....

deep down i'm hoping for reassurance AND NOTHING ELSE from the Clinical Psychologist next week when she sees the boys....just to know that they ARE happy. Probably alot to ask a CP to do...probably best to let her 'just' deal with Leigh's Anger and general 'sibling rivalry' stuff as that's what i believe she has been asked to do.

Still haven't written her the letter that i prommised to for-warn her about alex being at the appointment too....better do that to post monday.

NIGHT NIGHTXXX

Jayzmummy · 02/04/2005 00:42

Mrs f...R hasnt always been like he is now....and the thing that changed his attitude was when we went to BIBIC. That was our turning point. he thought it was all a pile of mumbo jumbo and that J was just a hyper child who wouldnt talk because he was shy.
When we went to BIBIC it turned hubby right round. He actually asked the EP if J could be pretending to be the way he was just to get more attention off me.....EP explained everything in such simple terms for R and thats when his attitude changed. R is far better at understanding J now than I am.....Im the one who reads the books....R's the one who works through things in a practical way.
You have just got to find the key wich will unlock your dh's mind.....good luck honey. get some sleep tomorrows another day.XXXX

Jayzmummy · 02/04/2005 00:36

I so know what you mean Mrs f.....but a few years ago I was obsessed with cleaning. The house would be shining....nothing out of place....I even bleached the skirting boards daily. How many other people actaully moved their wardrobes every day to hoover underneath and behind them?. I did every day and I couldnt stop at night until it was all done.
One day a friends mom said to me "you do realise the kids will never remember the dust dont yu....but they will remember that mom was always to busy to play". I STOPPED that day and now I dont do a quarter of what I did do in a day in a whole week.
I spend my days playing with the guys and doing our thing.
I just wish I was more organised because I get mad with myself when I cant find something as important as the insurance cert and then I take it out on hubby for not putting up a shelf so i can have somewhere to store the important documents....truth be known the shelf would only get filled with clutter and I still wouldnt become organised!!!

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:33

TQu all for your 'motivational chat'!!

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:33

i'm going to go to bed in a mo..... everyone else is asleep....so nows as good a time as any!

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:30

But Jayz.... YOU and R looked and behaved such a lovely couple.

'singing the same tune'
'accidents waiting to happen'

A and I have NEVER been like that.

He still cannot accept the ASD stuff...like he said to you 'They'll grow out of it'....he won't listen,won't learn....and i ghave not got the energy for convincing my own husband....

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:27

J- what u said about your J being better if YOU were better is what has been foremost in my mind lately.

I get told 'it's not the result of bad parenting'....but surely to god if my sons were in a more 'organised chaos'...still with heaps of love....then surely the'd be better off???
I just feel so responsible and to blame...and this feeling wasn't hepled by my SIL saying that 'They are all fine when they are up their nans'

The rational me says 'so what...they behave and don't 'meltdown' for 1 hour'....try a week etc and then tell me they are 'fine'

but the main part of me hates how i am and cannot accept i am not ruining their lives.

Jayzmummy · 02/04/2005 00:26

Oh Mrs f....you poor lovey.....during the time we spent together it was obvious to me that your dh adores you and your lovely little forgetfulls.
You dont think things have just been a bit topsy turvy for you over the past couple of weeks and its just all got a bit much.

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:22

THing is BH.... we have been 'just haning in there' for 8 years..... and sometimes i just wonder how people know when it is over.

Jayzmummy · 02/04/2005 00:22

Mrs F...we had a giggle about the state of our bedrooms....and to be honest I think there are thousands of families out there who live like we do. My life is chaotic, I am disorganised, I rush from one thing to the next, my kitchen cupboards are a pit of despair....every time I open the cupboard under the kitchen sink stuff falls out.....I can never find anything....car needs taxing and I cant find the insurance certificate...but its the same every six months, I get on the phone to the insurance company and have to ask for a copy.....This is life...well its my life.
I hate it....I want to be organised. I know J would be better if I was more organised.....but I am not and am very unlikely to change overnight.
Just dont think you are the only one out there getting in a tizz about things.....we all have our moments....just some more than others.xxxxx

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:20

thanks chocs....i'm not a 'bleach-a-maniac' obsessive person....but i like to tidy my kitchen and stand back and feel good...and for 18months it's not happening!

Blossomhill · 02/04/2005 00:19

Oh MrsF - you know deep down you can trust him though don't you!

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Chocol8 · 02/04/2005 00:19

Mmmm, [seething emoticon] see what you mean.

15th May eh? I am gonna have to look you up in my birthday book and let you know what it says - it is pretty accurate. You share your birthday with your dh???? Strange!

I have to go to bed now as my eyes are slowly closing after a day in Camden with ds (!). Sweet dreams, will catch up tomorrow. x

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:19

his boss,by the way.....has become a 'friend' to me....but she's told me some pretty sordid details about what she has done to thneighbours husband...AND to the boyfriend of a collegue.
So....I feel paranoid most of the time that she is only 'friendly' with me to 'get closer to my dh'....he ofcourse laughs this off...and i keep telling him it's not because i think he's anything special that anyone would want to do anything to him etc.....but....just that i know she is prepared to behave like a whore....when on drugs....and lets face it if you can guess the kind of stuff i am on about...wot nice girlies do'nt do etc...then get a man drunk...especially one where he's ahaveing rows with his wife all the time....and well....i dunno.....takes a bit of self control.

Chocol8 · 02/04/2005 00:15

I have always been a hoarder - and my kitchen especially is the dumping ground - people have actually said to me "how can you cook like this?" Somehow I manage, but it's hard. If I had to decorate my kitchen I would have a meltdown. The fact is, I really do need to renovate it, but the thought of it just turns me cold. You're not alone MrsF.

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:13

J- it's both our birthdays on 15th may...so i asked him if 'for my birthday ....6 weeks away....he would finish the kitchen"....he said yes....4 days later ....still no more done....yet Hey!!! Plays Golf....no probs.....chats on mobile to boss....no probs.....she suggests he joins them at the pub (11.15pm)...lucky for him he didn't go....locks changed or what.

Chocol8 · 02/04/2005 00:12

Sounds like a good ultimatum to me! I really don't think I would cope well with this either - my sister is having her house renovated (changing rooms around, re-wiring, new windows etc) and it's been going on for over a year. I wouldn't be able to live in the mess she does, and as you say MrsF, it's not houseproud it would just do my head in! My idea of a nightmare.

MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:10

I love the thought of what chocky said...then read jayz stuff!!!!

What i was trying to say on my kitchen bit is that if you are OCD -ish and 'what you are obsessive about' is mucked up by someone....bit like our ASD kiddies having their rouutines messed up....then you just fall to pieces.... i cannot 'move on and do other things' because i am 'stuck.FULL STOP.'...because i cannot walk away from my crap kitchen...cos i NEED to get it RIGHT!!!

My psychologist has been tring for 2 years to get me to 'challenge' this problem....infact this is where the 'hoarding' started as i kept clearing what 'didn't belong' in the kitchen ....and moving it into the cupbOARD UNDER THE stairs...then when that got full...our bedroom....and i suppose i am at crisis point now because there is nowhere left to 'dump it all' ....and the whole house is in chaos as a result.

Sorry....but now you know what's churning around in my mind!!!

Jayzmummy · 02/04/2005 00:08

Give him an ultimatum....the kitchen gets done or else his golf clubs get lost......

Chocol8 · 02/04/2005 00:07

Sounds a nightmare - I think I would have gone mad by now. Is there anything anyone else can do regarding the kitchen? Alternatively there's always feeding him to the laminator...?

Blossomhill · 02/04/2005 00:04

Sorry the grins were to Jayzmummy's post!!!

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Blossomhill · 02/04/2005 00:04

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MrsEffingFedUpful · 02/04/2005 00:03

18 months ago he started my new kitchen....using my mums old one . Still unfinished....still half the cupboard space i had b4.... and one of my 'problems' is i have 'Obsessive Cumpulsive Tendancies'....apparantly NOT OCD...though i wonder sometimes....so i find not having 'THe RIGHT place to put things ' VERY stressfull....it's totally different to being 'FUSSY or HOUSEPROUD'....i used to empty my cuboards at least once a month and move the whole lot round 'hoping to get the perfect solution'.....and so for 18 months i have had missing cupboards....no plinths.....crumbling concrete floor under cupboards....and no sealant along work tops....so edges by sink are raised now due to moisture.

Jayzmummy · 02/04/2005 00:03

Mrs f has gone quiet.....you dont think she'ds burying hubby under all the clutter do you????

Chocol8 · 02/04/2005 00:02

Nice one Jayzmummy! Of course I don't understand....!

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