Hi, I'm desperate for help with son's behaviour

[sahara]

I'm new. I need some advice on how to get my son diagnosed as having ADHD. He has been excluded from 4 mainstream schools and aside from now being at home with me all day. no one is helping. Does anybody know what I can do. My depression is out of control because I just can't face another day of his behaviour. I have no idea how to discipline him, no one is guiding me or helping me. He is going to be 7 in a few months and he is just sitting here at home. Social worker, educational therapist, doctors, even an educational welfare officer and still he is here at home because he is not actually diagnosed with having it. what should I do?

Please help a very frustrated mum reconnect with her kid.

[sahara]

Sorry i was starting to think that no one was replying to this post.
He has finally been referred to CAMHS, first app on 15.04 so I am truly relieved. I'm just so worried that they will tell me that he is fine because on many apps he always acts well. When being observed by people and he knows they are watching he doesn't act as bad as he normally does.
He display's many of the signs, Fidgety, restless,easily distracted, doesn't like what he calls hard work (which is school work). And he still throws mighty temper tantrums. He threatened to cut his brother up into little pieces the other day and self harms more and more.
My heart bleeds for my son, I can't help wondering if I did something wrong as he was my first child. Did I do something?
Because if they tell me he is fine that is what they are saying right?
I read that ADHD is genetic and I recognize so much of myself in him at that age, I might not have been removed from school but I was awful as a child. I used to bang my head against a wall until it bled when I was 5. But I had been abandoned and lived in a home so I just put it down to that. My son has everything I am able to give (without spoiling him) so why is he so sad, why does he want to kill himself?
What am I doing that is so wrong?

[sahara]

Jaysmum, just wanted to thank you for replying to my message. I was honestly nervous about contacting a MNer directly but your advice was good.
And again thanks to all those who have added some advice.
I appreciate all the support.

[Jaysmum]

I recommended CAMHS because in Saharas CAT to me she had explained about her son expressing a desire to kill himself....I didnt want to divulge the info here incase she didnt want people to know....am I right in thinking this was the best advice to give because he needs help to over come this desire????

I really think you should contact IPSEA to get help and support with regards to your sons school placement. They will be able to help and advise you.

[Chocol8]

CAMH is the right place for a child expressing these feelings - my ds was referred there as he was self harming and wishing himself dead.

I thought there must have been an unsaid reason as you were very adamant about it Jaysmum It isn't for CAMH to dx, only help as Davros said.

How are you today Sahara?

[sahara]

I'm coping this morning chocol8, thanks for asking.
I really had started to think that I was the only one. Ds1's last school spent most of the time saying "in all my years of teaching I've never come across a child as naughty as him" and the obvious "behaviour is taught and doesn't just come from nowhere".
I think I was handleing it well until this last school. The anger he feels since attending it is like nothing I've seen from him b4. Now he refuses to even consider school and tells me he will be naughty b4 he has even gone.
I hope CAMHS can help him. I really do.
He is restless right now as I'm on the computer so I'm going off untill his bedtime, as I don't want him freaking out. He likes being on the internet so I kind of just leave him to it. Until he starts trying to break it!!
Do you think it sounds like he has definately got an illness?

[Jaysmum]

Sahara....your son hasnt got an illness....illnesses get better.....not that his behaviour wont improve...it will given the right intervention and diagnosis.
If as you have previously said your son is being excluded from school, then surely it must be because his behaviour is not of the same as his peers...it must be pretty bad if the schools can't cope with him.
Had any of the schools called in an EP to assess your son? I would have thought this to have been normal practice, especially as it seems he has had quite a few school changes.
Please please get in touch with IPSEA.....they will be able to help you so much.
Take care of yourself......it sounds like you are going to be in for a long bumpy ride.....Ive been there so I know what it feels like....dont give up.

[sahara]

Yes he has seen an EP (2 actually). Just checked out the IPSEA website and can't wait until I can phone them. They are closed now and on limited hours during term time but it's another direction to take.
All your information has been really helpful. B4 this I didn't know much about how to sort it out. But I have spent some time checking out these places you have all suggested.
So come normal working days and I am out there getting someone to help my son.
Thanks all

[Davros]

Yes, I agree with CAHMS to try starting to resolve emotional turmoil and negative feelings. Would also be immensely helpful to see Dev Paed to get to bottom of developmental disorder or other cause for "feeling different".

[sahara]

will do Davros. I will try to get my GP to refer me even though the last time he said it was a school problem so it was down to the school to get him assessed.

[Davros]

Well he's an idiot Could you try HV if GP won't play ball? School would be fine if they will do it but, if not, then you have to go another route.

[Jaysmum]

I had enough of being pushed from one place to the next so I contacted the PALS service at the local hospital....they arranged for me to get an appointment with the Comm.Paed. You could try that route if you have no joy.