Hi, I'm desperate for help with son's behaviour

[sahara]

I'm new. I need some advice on how to get my son diagnosed as having ADHD. He has been excluded from 4 mainstream schools and aside from now being at home with me all day. no one is helping. Does anybody know what I can do. My depression is out of control because I just can't face another day of his behaviour. I have no idea how to discipline him, no one is guiding me or helping me. He is going to be 7 in a few months and he is just sitting here at home. Social worker, educational therapist, doctors, even an educational welfare officer and still he is here at home because he is not actually diagnosed with having it. what should I do?

Please help a very frustrated mum reconnect with her kid.

[Jaysmum]

I had enough of being pushed from one place to the next so I contacted the PALS service at the local hospital....they arranged for me to get an appointment with the Comm.Paed. You could try that route if you have no joy.

[Davros]

Well he's an idiot Could you try HV if GP won't play ball? School would be fine if they will do it but, if not, then you have to go another route.

[sahara]

will do Davros. I will try to get my GP to refer me even though the last time he said it was a school problem so it was down to the school to get him assessed.

[Davros]

Yes, I agree with CAHMS to try starting to resolve emotional turmoil and negative feelings. Would also be immensely helpful to see Dev Paed to get to bottom of developmental disorder or other cause for "feeling different".

[sahara]

Yes he has seen an EP (2 actually). Just checked out the IPSEA website and can't wait until I can phone them. They are closed now and on limited hours during term time but it's another direction to take.
All your information has been really helpful. B4 this I didn't know much about how to sort it out. But I have spent some time checking out these places you have all suggested.
So come normal working days and I am out there getting someone to help my son.
Thanks all

[Jaysmum]

Sahara....your son hasnt got an illness....illnesses get better.....not that his behaviour wont improve...it will given the right intervention and diagnosis.
If as you have previously said your son is being excluded from school, then surely it must be because his behaviour is not of the same as his peers...it must be pretty bad if the schools can't cope with him.
Had any of the schools called in an EP to assess your son? I would have thought this to have been normal practice, especially as it seems he has had quite a few school changes.
Please please get in touch with IPSEA.....they will be able to help you so much.
Take care of yourself......it sounds like you are going to be in for a long bumpy ride.....Ive been there so I know what it feels like....dont give up.

[sahara]

I'm coping this morning chocol8, thanks for asking.
I really had started to think that I was the only one. Ds1's last school spent most of the time saying "in all my years of teaching I've never come across a child as naughty as him" and the obvious "behaviour is taught and doesn't just come from nowhere".
I think I was handleing it well until this last school. The anger he feels since attending it is like nothing I've seen from him b4. Now he refuses to even consider school and tells me he will be naughty b4 he has even gone.
I hope CAMHS can help him. I really do.
He is restless right now as I'm on the computer so I'm going off untill his bedtime, as I don't want him freaking out. He likes being on the internet so I kind of just leave him to it. Until he starts trying to break it!!
Do you think it sounds like he has definately got an illness?

[Chocol8]

CAMH is the right place for a child expressing these feelings - my ds was referred there as he was self harming and wishing himself dead.

I thought there must have been an unsaid reason as you were very adamant about it Jaysmum It isn't for CAMH to dx, only help as Davros said.

How are you today Sahara?

[Jaysmum]

I recommended CAMHS because in Saharas CAT to me she had explained about her son expressing a desire to kill himself....I didnt want to divulge the info here incase she didnt want people to know....am I right in thinking this was the best advice to give because he needs help to over come this desire????

I really think you should contact IPSEA to get help and support with regards to your sons school placement. They will be able to help and advise you.

[sahara]

Jaysmum, just wanted to thank you for replying to my message. I was honestly nervous about contacting a MNer directly but your advice was good.
And again thanks to all those who have added some advice.
I appreciate all the support.

[sahara]

Sorry i was starting to think that no one was replying to this post.
He has finally been referred to CAMHS, first app on 15.04 so I am truly relieved. I'm just so worried that they will tell me that he is fine because on many apps he always acts well. When being observed by people and he knows they are watching he doesn't act as bad as he normally does.
He display's many of the signs, Fidgety, restless,easily distracted, doesn't like what he calls hard work (which is school work). And he still throws mighty temper tantrums. He threatened to cut his brother up into little pieces the other day and self harms more and more.
My heart bleeds for my son, I can't help wondering if I did something wrong as he was my first child. Did I do something?
Because if they tell me he is fine that is what they are saying right?
I read that ADHD is genetic and I recognize so much of myself in him at that age, I might not have been removed from school but I was awful as a child. I used to bang my head against a wall until it bled when I was 5. But I had been abandoned and lived in a home so I just put it down to that. My son has everything I am able to give (without spoiling him) so why is he so sad, why does he want to kill himself?
What am I doing that is so wrong?

[Davros]

I wouldn't ask for a referral to CAHMS. I've banged on about this before, but I don't think this is the right place to find out if a child has a disorder. I would ask GP for referral to Developmental Paediatrician and/or Child Development Centre. It is not up to the school to do it, they CAN do it but you have every right to be referred via your GP or HV. My son is also on medication (Risperidone) and it has also saved us from what was becoming a hellish situation.

[Jaysmum]

Just bumpety bump bumping......

[xkezx]

hi sahara just wanted to say im thinking of you as mum of a child whos autistic i know how fustrating it can be and very hard work on you....i had alot of problems to getting stuff sorted regards his education i found that by going to the education department an speaking to them was the best solution gettting to know one education officer and asking for their help,also my son is on medication which as any mum knows its the last thing you want...for him it makes all the diffence at school he was out of school for months at a time,but each situation is different...i hope that you get things sorted if you ever want to chat i can be contacted at [email protected] takecare kez

[Chocol8]

Sahara - i'm sorry I missed this thread - I have been offline for a while. My heart goes out to you - I know exactly how you are feeling.

My ds is now 7.5 but he was undx when he was excluded from 2 nurseries when he was young and nearly (alot of fast talking and involving myself in the school events/after school club) expelled from his present school in his first few months there. He was dx at 5 with ADHD and Aspergers (the latter came as a bit of a surprise tbh).

Even though, like you and many others here - the thought of medication was not a good one/not an option, I did my homework and spoke to other Mums whose children were on it, and decided I would trial it.

The difference it made was life changing! He is now on Strattera one a day and although his behaviour can still be bad (we had Bad Friday, not Good Friday yesterday), it is a hell of a lot better than without it!

I know it's hard, but you have to bang on some doors - my ds was dx, then medicated, his school work improved, but then he started self harming so he is under CAMH too now. He generally appears a chatty, charming, well behaved child to the public (except for yesterday).

The website for CAMH is www.camh.org.uk (I run a website but I still can't do links!!!!!) and tells you about ADHD and gives you helplines and organisations to access.

Jaysmum knows her stuff and the information she has posted is wonderful - go for it - I know it's hard but you need help for both your ds and yourself. If we can help and you need just to have a good cry/moan/whinge - we're ya guys so don't hesitate. You are more than welcome to CAT me if you like. Thinking of you. xx

[Jaysmum]

Sahara.....Bumping this for you .

For what its worth here is my opinion.

1. The LEA are duty bound to provide Link Education for any child who is unable to attend school because of a medical condition.
   From what you have written in your email to me, your son is unfit to go to a mainstream school because of his psychological upset. So go to your GP's....tell them what he has tried to attempt.....get GP to write a letter saying your son is unfit to attend school because of his psychological distress. Then send a copy to LEA with a letter formally requesting LINK EDUCATION.The LEA are then duty bound under section 19 of the education act to provide your son with the minimum of 5 hours home education.
   
   
2. Your son not being in school because he is excluded means the LEA are responsible for ensuring he receives an education somewhere.
   
   
3. Your son NEEDS to be referred to CAMHS immediately.Demand that this is done. If the GP refuses....get back in touch with me and I will point you in the right direction.
   
   
4. The statementing process will be slowed down if your son is not in school.....this is not on. The reason your son is out of school is a direct result of the schools failing to meet the needs of a child.
   
   Come on ladies....this mum needs some help....FAST!!!!
   
   Sorry I missed your post.....good job you mailed me because there are so many people here who will be able to help you get this sorted.
   
   JMXXXXXX

[sahara]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied so far. I have visited the suggested websites and just wanted to say thanks

[sylvm]

Try this one too www.ace-ed.org.uk. Good luck.

[sahara]

I have heard so many horror stories about meds that I fear greatly doing any thing that might cause him risks. And I think that until he is diagnosed as having it, it wouldn't even be an option. Not to say that I wouldn't look into meds more but I am genuinly frightened of hurting him more.

[justamom]

they don't have meds for that? ADHA like ADD? Only more hyper? my daughter is ADD borderline ADHD and she was failing school i mean Ds and Fs....they put her on adderrall (spelling?) but it made he stomach sick then they tried ritalin and she is an A student, literally hardly ever even makes a B...I know lots of people are against meds, heck i was one, but when it is your child's future not a personal opinion at stake,,,,well i would just ask..

[Saker]

I don't know much about ADHD but found this website which you might already have found yourself. It has a helpline number to ring and also contacts for local support groups who might be able to give you some advice. Sorry it's going so badly for you at the minute.

[coppertop]

I think MrsF is offline this week. You could try contacting Chocol8 or Jaysmum by starting a thread with their names in the title so that they will see it.

[sahara]

Sorry, had to give Ds,Ds & Dd some lunch. I have tried to get my GP to refer him but they say it's down to the school and the school is extremly unsympathetic to our problem, they won't even send me work for him to do at home even though I have asked on numerous occassions.
But thanks everyone for responding it has really helped cheer me up. Even being able to say help is great as all I ever get is the looks and the OMG isn't he a horrible child. Which he is not.

[Cosmo74]

Sorry - started to write my message before anyone relpied then got called away!!

[Cosmo74]

Sahara - sorry you are going through a rough time - have you asked your GP or school to refer him for assessment?


I am waiting on getting my DS (5) assessed as his school recommended it - also started him on Omega fish oils about 4 weeks ago and think this has helped him calm down and concentrate a bit better.

Take care - Phone your GP or HV and ask to get him referred for your sake and his...