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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

Feeling down!

69 replies

sparklymieow · 15/03/2005 21:13

Today I had a breakdown after Dd1 put toothpaste all over the bathroom. I just feel crap and don't know how much more I can take. SIL phoned me just as it all happened and I sobbed down the phone to her. Of course DH now thinks I don't want to talk to him about it all. He seems to think there is a problem with with our relationship when actually its nothing to do with that at all. I just can't handle her behaviour much longer. I feel like a crap mother and feel guilty that I have thought about foster care.

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KarenThirl · 16/03/2005 20:27

Hey, we all gotta go sometime ...

sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 18:17

I actually read it as crap day tho....

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nutcracker · 16/03/2005 18:16

Still giggling now

Blossomhill · 16/03/2005 18:15

Nutcracker lol

nutcracker · 16/03/2005 18:14

PMSL, I am not having a crap at all, i meant i am having a crap day and not coping very well.

nutcracker · 16/03/2005 18:11

Sparkly, i am having a crap and not coping very well today and i have far less to deal with than you, so don't feel guilty please, you are a great mom.

sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 17:54

I had a phonecall from our fieldworker from Scope today, and I told her everything that had happened, she said it wasn't like me to feel like this, and she is £250 for our break away. What a sweetie eh?
Still feeling down and tearful, but I still feel really rough with this cough and cold, hopefully when I am better I will be able to see things more clearly.
Not sure whether to go to the GP myself or make an appointment for Dd1.

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sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 12:57

I have just had a nap, feel a bit better now, I think I need to go to the GP and get some drugs, maybe I am depressed and that is not helping me deal with her easily IYKWIM. I was just chatting to SIL and said that if I move away and get away from all the sh*t that is also making a huge impact on our lifes, I might still feel the same because I will still have to deal with Dd1

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MandM · 16/03/2005 10:30

Sparklymieow - Just read this thread and the break will do wonders for you - take it from one who knows!!! My dd also has cp and williams syndrome and although I think I cope quite well most of the time there are days when I just flip and can't take anymore - I know now that it's normal!! Anyway, last year dh decided I needed a break and booked us a two week trip to Barbados and Antigua , arranging for my mum and my mil to share looking after dd. It was a long time to be away from dd and although we both missed her terribly the time together just being 'us', not having to get another little person ready to go out to places, not having to keep our eye on her all the time etc was wonderful. The reaction we got from her (and she got from us!) when we got back was amazing and it has done us all the power of good!!! We appreciate her so much more after missing her so much, but also fully appreciate that for the sake of our marriage and our sanity there are times when having a break is a 'neccessity' not a luxury. Hope that your break does the same for you and that it reinforces the strong love and bond that you have with dd. xxx

sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 10:03

my parents are having the girls and mil is having DS.

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KarenThirl · 16/03/2005 10:02

Sounds like you really need the break, SM. Who will have dd while you're away? Hope you enjoy it and come back refreshed. Might just reassure dh too, I think.

sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 09:59

I will so glad to get away in a 3 1/2 weeks, me and DH are going away for a weekend, I will be able to recharge myslef and then come home all refreshed!

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sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 09:40

thats what we are worried about with the shared care respite, I can barely manage her behaviour, so how will a stranger? The school said "she is implusive and does shout out, and doesn't always sit when she is asked to, but they are coping" I know its the teachers support that has to spend so much time with her. The teacher said it would be nice to get a 1~2~1 for her but she knows the likehood of that actually happening in our area is small.

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KarenThirl · 16/03/2005 09:35

I know I couldn't resort to foster care. If I'm having this much trouble handling J, how could a stranger who doesn't know him do any better, even with all the training? I'm rapidly finding out that there is no 'typical' AS child and the line is blurred between personality and the condition, so nobody could manage this better than I can. Besides, he needs me just as much as I need him and I don't think time out would help either of us, tbh.

SM, hold on tight to the amount of love you have for your daughter, and she for you. It will help to get you through.

sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 09:34

I know she is a gift and thats what makes it so hard, she is nuts tho... she does things that make normal kids behaviour seem tame... I asked DH if am I expecting too much from her because the other two are good, they have temper tamterns (sp??) and they do try to push it but she takes it one step further. I know many premature babies have behaviour issues and I understand that many normal kids do too, but I feel that she is so different. I can't do this anymore, so many times I have thought about walking out the door and leaving, but when she cuddles me and says "I luve you mummy" I melt, I feel awful knowing that I can't get the help and support she so much needs.....

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mamadadawahwah · 16/03/2005 09:00

I have a friend who had a child late (age 44). Her child is perfectly normal, beautiful child, smart, bright and bubbly. Yet, when talking to my friend a couple years back, I asked her if she knew what it would be like having a child so late, would she have done it again, she said resoundingly NO! She just didnt realise the pressure a child would bring on her life and especially at age 44 (slightly different having kids when you are young)

anyway, my point is, I am sure all moms go through a "wishing" faze, i.e. "if i hadnt had him/her, etc. Its normal, it will get better and most of all, your child is a gift from God, no matter how exasperating, frustrating, etc they are. Nobody said being a mom is easy and thankfully, venting off steam is for free and very helpful in my estimation. What would you REALLY feel though, if you put your child in foster care? Theres a big difference between thinking something and actually doing it.

sparklymieow · 16/03/2005 08:46

OMG, what would people say if they saw this thread, people admitting things that are terrible I Woke up to a flooded bathroom AGAIN!! She woke up in the night a couple of times, I have got up with a cold and sore throat so I still feel crappy. She screamed at me because I wasn't fast enough to get the drinks this morning and then nicked the others breakfast because she wanted a bigger bowl of cereal...... I can't believe I have thought about foster care and can see it as my only option.... because I am scared that I will snap and hurt her, I have smacked her and sent her flying (because of the CP) and then she crys, and I feel bad. I can't believe I can go from one emotion to another her, I hate her and then I feel so much love for her. I know its not all her fault and I feel guilty because I can't get the help and support she needs

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KarenThirl · 16/03/2005 08:10

SM, sorry I haven't time to read this whole thread, but from your original post I have to add my sympathies and support. I do know how you're feeling as bathroom-time is horrific in my house and the worst blow up time for me and J. Lost count of the number of times I've lashed out at him and we've both ended up screaming at each other and in tears, and STILL rushing to get to school on time. If it's any help, I actuall picked J up by the hair a couple of weeks ago and flung him to the ground - not one of my finest moments I know, but friends who know me have said that their only surprise is that it hasn't happened before. It's so hard for people not in the inner circle to understand just how hard it is to deal with 'minor' outbreaks without the full appreciation that it happens day in , day out and it wears you down to the edge of your resources.

Don't feel bad about it, I'm sure we've all lost our tempers and reacted inappropriately at times but we're human and have to go easy on ourselves for it.

Give your DH a hug too, they're sensitive wee souls and generally can't handle the fact that women need to offload in more than one direction.

JaysMum · 16/03/2005 00:04

Oh you poor lovey....I know what its like to go days on end with no sleep. Last weekend was a killer for me. I got up at 6.30am on Friday morning after having just 4 hours sleep.The next time I saw my bed was at 1am on Sunady morning.....and the I got up twice to see to J. I did manage to catch up on Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours.
The problem I have now though is that I cant sleep!!!! My body clock is so shot that I tend to just go to bed when I am exhausted...and on those nights J gets seen to by hubby..I do put my feet up and have a rest though every day from 5-7pm.....hubby comes home from work and he takes over whilst I either veg out or go and lie on my bed and read.....or snooze!!!!

You take care of yourself......remember you are not alone!!!

sparklymieow · 15/03/2005 23:50

she's up!!

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sparklymieow · 15/03/2005 23:44

Thanks Jaysmum, I am going to go bed soon, before DD1 wakes up for the first time, i know she will be soon.

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JaysMum · 15/03/2005 23:32

Oh sparkly ......have read through this thread and just want to say you are not the only one who feels like you have today.....dont worry....its only natural.

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sparklymieow · 15/03/2005 23:20

thats what the docs have all said up till now, they say its because she is immature and her CP makes her younger than her actual age. We have reports that say she climb on things even after being told not to, that she has no sense of personal safety, that she escaped from the room, that she refused to sit still for examination etc etc. Does your DD "forced" friendships on other kids??

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Blossomhill · 15/03/2005 23:10

God mieow she sounds like my dd. We have never taken her to a cinema for that very reason. feel bad though as take ds a lot and want to take dd but think she would find it too much
Could the cp not throw out symptoms such as adhd/as??? I know it's common for children to have dual dx?

sparklymieow · 15/03/2005 22:51

just done an online checklist for DD1 and she has all the symptons of ADHD. I did speak to her teacher and she said that DD1 does shout out answers, can't wait her turn, appartently she is popular but I wonder how much of that is "forced" on the other kids, I know what she is like, and seen some kids back away from her when she thinks they are her best mates. She has been invited to a cimera party and I am so worried about it, as I know she won't be able to sit still that long....

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