Hi lars, sorry not closer! My experience with mainstream school is crap! From the types of problems you have with your kids it sounds to me like you need to look closer into special school. Am hoping to send Jake to MLD which is mild to moderate difficulties school. I have stated this is my parental right to choose and have told all parties concerned in the accumulation of info for his Statement that I will not deter from this.
ODD is what I thought my J had as everything fits with his behaviour although been told ASD and Pervasive Development Disorder, J was diagnosed being Verbally Dyspraxic when 2 1/2 years and I fought and fought through SALT minefield until he was 5 then thought hold on a min there's something else. I've been fighting the mainstream understanding, approach and ethos to "different" children ever since. My advice to you is go visit special schools, the head teachers have always welcomed me in and shown me around. Go see for yourself. Sometimes it is our fears and prejudices that stop us thinking this is the right place for our sons! I have now come to conclusion that nothing is forever, If J goes to this special school for next few years and then looks like he could return to mainstream then thats the better way round for me. I know that nothing can be worse than what he's been through since he was 4 and entered school. He's very suicidal and talks about wanting to die and has actually been found with a 7" knife held to his chest "looking for his heart" so he said!!! What has prompted me to act fast is that "over my dead body will J go to mainstream secondary school" and this was my worst fear. So I am happy that he will enter into special school now and have year 6-11 in an environment which is understanding of him and his needs. Definitely need support group in Essex although I have joined the S.A.F.E meeting which is held monthly in Great Tey. This is Supporting Asperger Families in Essex. It is a bit far for you though I suppose although we have members from all over. Perhaps we should set up something more central in Essex eh?!! Until I have my Willy Wonker Golden Ticket into this special school I am not hanging out the flags, I have been too disappointed in the past. Will keep you posted. Go look and see for yourself OK?!! xx