Just had a lightbulb moment. Does anyone else struggle with this...

[pagwatch]

I have just realsied that one of the effects of DS2's problems is that I struggle to maintain relationships.
I seem to only be able to cope with a few things at any one time and, once term starts I find myself hiding from people to avoid coffees etc as I get quite panicky.

I have a very few close friends who I see regularly but beyond that I struggle.
I am always polite to people and I am very very grateful that people want to spend time with me. I feel really crappy about myself that I end up avoiding social situations.

I don't think I was like this before DS2 and I think it is just that I am often right onthe edge of being overwhelmed in most areas.
But whilst I am keep my family and close friends going , everything else gets lost inthe mix as soon as I have a bad day.
Is anyone else like this?

I think I worry about it because my DCs are already a bit 'different' because oftheir brother and I just can't do the school fetes/PTA/mums coffeees that everyone else does.
DS1 seems to have managed fine but I wish I could make more effort for DD.

Anyone had this and come out the other side.
Or am I just a miserable cow

[vjg13]

We were really lucky and found a brilliant group for children and parents when my daughter (now age 10) was 4. It meets every 2 weeks on a sat pm and the kids and siblings play, do activities, computer games etc. They pay for additonal workers but everyone helps out with each others kids. We also have trips and parents weekends away with Mums and Dads at different times so no childcare problems. It was a turning point for us and we have made some lovely supportive friends.

[kt14]

For me it's extremely important to keep friendships going, knackering though it is! It reminds me that I'm a person in my own right, not just the mum of a child with language difficulties. Now DS1 is at preschool I try to arrange coffee meetups with DS2, who is developing typically at the moment, and who I don't feel the need to explain/monitor constantly!

I once read something in a book about helping children with ASD which I thought at the time was really odd, but has actually been a strange comfort. It was a paragraph which kind of said that although the reader/parent was right to feel sad over their child's social difficulties, the reader/parent should also be very grateful if they themselves do not have the same issues, and fully appreciate the friendships and social bonds that being ASD free means they are able to make more quickly and easily with others.

I know that I would give my "NT ness" to DS1 in a second if I could, to spare him the difficulties he currently has. I think through reading posts from people like Amber, (who btw I think is totally amazing in the way she reads people and explains ASD so clearly to us all) I now feel very grateful for what I've taken for granted in my own life until DS1 came along.

I hope this makes sense, I've hesitated over writing it as it took me a while to get my head round the concept when I first read it. It isn't meant to sound smug, or imply that only NT or ASD free people can make fulfilling friendships and relationships, which is absolutely not the case, thank goodness. It's just a different way of looking at DS1's problems which has actually helped me appreciate my own life.

Anyway, enough of the heavy stuff, back to tackling my huge pile of washing now!

[Peachy]

I do the same- I have a faw light-friends I see about but only one I really make a proper effort for. Sad really. Lots of great people gone by the wayside but....