How to tell child they are autistic

[arinya]

Our 11yr old is likely to be diagnosed soon. At this stage autism hasn’t been mentioned to them by us or anyone else. So far It has been framed as talking to professionals to try to find out why they struggle with certain things ( can be anxious and have sensory reactions). Child is female, very bright and high achieving, school have no concerns as she does everything she needs to there and appears to have friends etc. so is likely super high masking. Child has said before that they don’t feel different to their friends. Child has never said they feel different to others and generally has lots of same interests of kids her age, so this may all come as a surprise to her. Obviously we don’t want to say she has autism until we know for sure, but she needs to do the ADOS assessment soon so we do need to talk about that. Any advice?

[YourBluntCritic]

@arinya

Our 11yr old is likely to be diagnosed soon. At this stage autism hasn’t been mentioned to them by us or anyone else. So far It has been framed as talking to professionals to try to find out why they struggle with certain things ( can be anxious and have sensory reactions). Child is female, very bright and high achieving, school have no concerns as she does everything she needs to there and appears to have friends etc. so is likely super high masking. Child has said before that they don’t feel different to their friends. Child has never said they feel different to others and generally has lots of same interests of kids her age, so this may all come as a surprise to her. Obviously we don’t want to say she has autism until we know for sure, but she needs to do the ADOS assessment soon so we do need to talk about that. Any advice?

If she's as bright as you say, she'll likely know already. When she goes for the assessment, you could just say... "Its not an issue at all, they're just checking to see if you have any additional needs to make sure you get the best support at school". My kids are diagnosed and I never hid it from them at all. They knew from the beginning why they were being seen by different people.

[landofgiants]

“Hey DD.”
”So you know how you are really good at <insert strengths>, but you find <insert area of weakness> hard? “
”Well some people with similar strengths and challenges have a condition called Autism, so that’s what we’re going to this appointment to find out.”

As PP says, if she’s smart she’ll probably already have suspicions. With my DS, the clinicians told him at the appointment, which saved me a job. They said, “Congratulations, you have Autism” which I thought was perfect!