How to come to terms with your child's ASD diagnosis?

[Nezuko]

To all the wonderful parents that have autistic children. How did you cope with your child's diagnosis and come to terms with it? Will it ever get any easier?? I believe that my sweet 2.5 year old boy is on the spectrum. My son is completely non verbal, vocal stims all day and has most of the common tell tale signs of asd. He's currently on the pathway to getting diagnosed but I've suspected for a long time that he definitely has autism.

I gave birth 4 months ago, my toddler had an incredibly hard time accepting his new sibling (who also is very high needs) and adjusting to our new family dynamic. If I had known what I know now a year ago, I would have thought again about bringing another child into the world. Not a day goes by where I don't have a break down, I feel like ever since I've given birth I cry myself to sleep every other night. Part of me still doesn't want to believe that he is autistic eventhough it's very evident that he is. My son's repetitive behaviour (especially the constant screaming and high pitched squealing) is really getting to me and I'm finding it hard to cope with him on top of looking after a baby. My 4 month barely sleeps throughout the day because of him. My husband works full time so isn't home most of the week, I can't reach out to my own family or in laws for help either bc no one can look after my son for prolonged periods, he's a handful. Please tell me some positive things about having a ND child and whether things will get easier in the future

[Soukmyfalafel]

Hi Nezuko, I haven't got time to post a full response yet, but I have experienced similar with my youngest child. I am still getting used to his diagnosis if I am being honest. We knew for a while, but we were relieved once we got the diagnosis and then the realisation hit about what the future held.

My son has got a bit better with age, but he is still challenging and non-verbal at 5. He is absolutely adorable though, a lovely gentle soul, but very visibly different to other kids his age now and it does get more obvious as the gap widens with their peers. I think it is too early to tell at 2.5 how they will develop and you may find he will start talking soon and developing in other areas too. My other NT son had very few words at that age too.

I think you just get used to your situation over time. Make sure you look at your councils local offer page for support and speak to your HV who may be able to help you. There are usually local ASD/parent carer groups that can help who have lots of knowledge of the system.

Is your child in nursery? My advice would be to get on the SEN support/EHCP path way as soon as possible, particularly once you have to diagnosis. You don't always need a diagnosis, bit you need to provide evidence of how your child needs more support over a typical child. Your nursery should be able to help with this if you use one.

You can also apply for DLA if you haven't already, you don't need a diagnosis for this.

You are in a very challenging situation, so please remember that you are doing a good job. Life with a 4 month old is hard enough. You are doing well to cope, and you are, even if it doesn't feel like it.

[Nezuko]

Thank you so much for your response, it honestly means so much. Genuinely crying happy tears, I appreciate the advice you've given me. My son doesn't attend nursery yet but I'll keep all the things you've mentioned definitely in mind for when he starts. Someone I know has a son aged closely to yours (he turned 6 couple of days ago) and has recently started using words and small sentences despite being non verbal for so long! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you & wish you all the best

[openupmyeagereyes]

Nezuko it takes time, people often have to go through a grieving period. This is quite normal and it doesn’t mean you don’t love or accept your ds. Have compassion for yourself

If your child has lots of sensory issues then have a look at the book The out of sync child so you can introduce the right sensory supports. You can also work with an occupational therapist who specialises is sensory integration to help with this.

I would be speaking to the health visitor about SEN nurseries. Are you getting any support? Does your area offer portage?