That same old question ....MS or SN School ....AHHHHHH!!!!!!

[magsi]

Hi all.
Just wanted to put some thoughts down on paper (so to speak!). Its that same old bannana of which school is the best for my ds1. He is five and has cp. He is non verbal and uses a communication aid. He can walk although is a bit wobbly. He can only use one arm and hand. His biggest disability I believe is his inability to communicate and express himself confidently in a normal 'talking' world. Appart from all that boring stuff he is a lovely, bright, intelligent,social, sensitive, funny, cheeky little five year old. He is currently 2 days at ms and 3 at sn. I can tell when dressing him through the week, which uniform brings a bigger smile to his face and currently it his ms one, so from this I have come to the conclusion that he prefers ms school.
My ongoing problem is trying to imagine what is the best schooling situation for him in a couple of years time and onwards after that. I say a couple of years time because from what I have read, and from other sn peoples experiences at school, it seems that from the age of 7 or 8 onwards, this is the time when the 'social boundaries' seem to dictate who plays with who and who is not cool .
I am just so changeable in my opinion of where ds goes longterm. Who are we to say that putting a sn child in a ms environment is the right thing to do? By doing this, surely are we not just exagerating the many problems and struggles a sn child has anyway?
Ds's speech therapist came round today and we were talking about this very subject. We were talking about the secondary (ms) school that my ds would go to (if we thought that was the right road for him). I mentioned to her that there was a disabled lad who used a wheelchair and a communication aid there and he was getting along fine. Or so i thought when she then informed me that 'oh yes, xxxxx got excluded because he ran his wheelchair into another pupil .
Do ms schools really understand and are fully equiped and able to accommodate sn kids and the daily frustrations they have???
That is the question that is eating away at me and worrying me to death.
Your thoughts (again!!) would be greatly appreciated.....

[magsi]

Must go now, school run, back later

[sphil]

Could you keep him at m/s for now and think again when it comes to secondary? My Ds2 has ASD and the main reason he's going to special school in September is because of his social and sensory difficulties. If he didn't have those i think we would be very pro m/s, even if he was non-verbal.

Does he have friends at m/s now?

[magsi]

He does have a friend, Cxxxxx. This little boy is really Hyper and is always in his face, which has caused a problem for one little boy there. But ds1 loves him. I think that it is because Cxxxxx pays attention to ds1 more than the other kids.

[sphil]

I just thought that if he'd made friends already then they might go with him up the school, iyswim. This has happened with a girl with CP who attends DS1's school part time. They all think it's cool to be her friend!

[magsi]

It would be fab if ds1 had a firm longterm friend. Its part of what we all wish for our kids isn't it. I guess I just don't want him to be unhappy in his school, wherever it is. And, most of all, if I can do anything to avoid the inevitable bullying, then I will. Its the same for any parent I know, but I am just so consious that ds1 cannot talk, therefore cannot stick up for himself, express himself, tell the teacher, tell me etc.....
God this parenting lark is hard isn't it

[onlyjoking9329]

i have had many sleepless night over this question, my twin girls almost 13,they have autism go to SN school and it is perfect for them.
DS is almost ten, he had a statement at 3 and did two years at an ASD nursery then moved to a small village MS 18 in his class, he has done very well there and is very popular has lots of mates and a few girlfriends! it's always been cool to like him. this year big changes the class has been split all his class were told they could chose 1 person to be with , 7 of them chose to be with DS there are also 20 year six kids, the balance has shifted and now its not so cool to be mates with DS, there are 3 boys who enjoy teasing him, poking him and just being nasty, we have requested that he move in sept to his DD's school. we are confident that he will find new mates there and will still see a few of his other mates.
i would keep the split placement but perhaps increase the days in mainstream and see how it goes, Do not give up the SN place cos it can be very hard to get another place should you need it.
as for secondary i don't know any kids with SN that have done ok in mainstream secondary

[magsi]

onlyjoking....Thanks for your reply. It sounds like your ds is having a hard time now. Its a fact isn't it that as they grow up, novelties wear off and it is not so cool to befriend a sn kid . I think the patience only lasts so long and then 'class' comes into it.
I am very aware that ds1's place in sn school is valuable and am not about to give it up lightly. If I am honest with myself, I know there will come a point when ds will return to sn school full time. Hopefully, keeping any friendships he has made at ms.
In the meantime, it goes on......

[twoisplenty]

Hi Magsi. We all need the crystal ball, don't we, to know what is around the corner.


Just wondered what your latest thoughts are. I'm also having lots of worries with a similar dilemma, and it's just not a happy time for anyone. If you're anything like me, I keep changing my mind every day on what education my ds needs...I need to get loads more advice.

If your ds is happy in ms, but doing ok in sn, then at least you don't have to rush into anything. Are the "experts" (LEA, teachers etc) trying to push you in one direction?

[magsi]

Hi twoisplenty
I am like you. My mind is ever changing on this one aswell. I was talking to a friend whose dd is at sn with my ds1. We were talking about this very subject and the prejudices at school towards disabled kids. I thought that ds1 was quite a way off the 'bullying' starting being in reception, but it seems 5 year olds can be mean aswell . My friend helps out at a ms local school in her village and at the christmas party she brought her dd along (she was premature and is disabled). She was happily playing on the floor whilst the other kids were running around etc, when one little boy (5) said "what is she doing here, she is dumb, shes wierd". Of course, he picked the wrong teacher to say this to, as it was her daughter he was talking about!!.
At the moment to be honest, I am really seriously considering a longterm education for ds1 in his sn school. I had doubts whether his educational needs would be met because he is quite bright (if you see what I mean), but he is not the only bright kid in the school, and just because he is bright, it doesn't mean the school (a severe learning difficulties school) would not be geared up for him.
I just think (said this so many times ) that even though he has a communication aid which he is not proficient in yet and does some signing, because he cannot speak ms would be REALLY tough for him. God its bad enough anyway isnt it!
I have a review meeting (next week I think) at his sn school, to discuss how he is doing etc. I think that is my chance to speak my thoughts and let them know what I am thinking for the future. I am not sure how this will be received, as provisions have been put in place for ds at ms, e.g his 1:1 etc.
For the moment anyway, ds1 will continue with his split placement as it is going well.
I am not just basing my decision on the 'bullying' thing although this is the main reason, it is also about ds1 not feeling alone, isolated, different, not accepted...I could go on.
Anyway, I have two other children to worry about (sometimes you forget!) aswell, got to save some worry for them

[twoisplenty]

magsi, my dh and I have just come back from our meeting with our ds sn school, I spoke about it on my thread, about the worry over sn school or possibly considering school for the deaf. The headteacher had some interesting things to say, so I shall discuss on my thread, rather than interupt yours! Hop over if you wish, I shall describe our meeting a bit there.

If my ds was of near-normal intelligence and keeping up fairly well with ms education, then I would worry about how sn school would accommodate his ks2 work. But if you are happy that they could teach him to the correct level of ability, then I would also prefer sn school. As you say the bullying is a big worry. But also just being accepted, keeping friends, and having peers of similar ilk so abating the frustration of being "different" would also worry me.

I always think of the future in school - ms secondary school is not for the feint hearted. Without wishing to wrap a youngster in cotton wool it is imperative to keep them happy secure safe and keeping a good self-image and confidence.

For all of these reasons I would be unsure to let go of sn school. But it really depends on the sn school...

Let us know how the meeting goes.