Crafty I was just reading this and thought of you!
"Help, my child is always resistant, oppositional, and noncompliant!
This message is long and includes a lot of strategies. As your read through the problems and strategies, simply check off the ones that may apply to your child.
Many children on the spectrum have problems with following the lead of others, and are frequently viewed as oppositional. This is frequently seen as “intentional” noncompliance, and the child is often labeled as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). These children frequently have to control all activity and interaction, lead the activity their way, and refuse to follow the lead of others. If we press the issue they will often act out to re-establish control. This reaction can occur if they do not get something that they want, are pressured to do things they wish to avoid, and whenever someone is trying to lead what they are doing. There can be a variety of reasons why a child on the spectrum will be so resistant. Here are several reasons why and strategies to support them. This list is not all inclusive, but common issues.
- Because of the variety of processing problems (sensory sensitivities, delayed information processing, auditory processing difficulties, etc.) many children on the spectrum feel safe only when they are controlling and leading everything they are engaged in. “Uncertainty” scares them, so they need to control everything in order to maintain predictability to their world.
Suggestions:
a. Respect and accommodate for sensory sensitivities and use a sensory diet to calm and organize the nervous system.
b. Break tasks down into smaller parts; make them concrete with visual strategies; provide information in small bits that are clear and concrete.
c. Let the child pace the speed that information is provided, and how they express what they know.
- Because of the processing issues listed above, these children can become overwhelmed very easily. By resisting and controlling what they are engaged in they can pattern how much stimulation they have to process, avoiding overload which overwhelms them. They can pace the information to meet their nervous system needs.
Suggestions:
a. Use strategies listed above under number 1.
b. Respect, avoid, and/or accommodate for situations that tend to overwhelm the child.
c. Teach the children coping skills for dealing with overload.
d. Teach the children (and those around them) how to appropriately escape situations that overload them (break card, say “no”, ask for help, etc.).
- Difficulty understanding what is expected. Children on the spectrum have difficulty appraising what is needed, so they are either anxious about entering into new situations, or dive in to new situations without understanding what is needed (then acting out when they struggle). For these children they (1) do not know what to expect, and (2) do not know what is expected of them. They need the world to be very predictable so they know exactly what to expect.
Suggestions:
a. Preview, clarify and verify: Prepare the child before going into situations with (1) what they can expect to occur, (2) what is expected of them, (3) how long it will last, and (4) what will come up next. Also, anticipate any problem areas and how to handle them (e.g. withdraw and regroup when overwhelmed.). Don’t assume the child understands, clarify and verify that they understand.
b. For new situations, while knowing the child’s vulnerabilities, try to make modifications and accommodations to reduce the impact. Again, preview these ahead of time.
c. During activities/tasks, “think out loud!” Provide a narrative of what is needed, and how to do it. This can help guide and coach the child through the tasks.
d. Use visual schedules to help provide predictability and understanding.
e. Ease transition by preparing ahead of time, “Johnny, when this TV show is over you will take a bath.” Then provide 5, 3, and 1 minute reminders before transitioning between tasks, “Johnny in three minutes we will need to put the game boy away and have your snack.”
- From a history of constantly being place in situations where the demands are stronger than their skills to handle them, they have learned that it is simply safer to escape and avoid any activity that is not initiated and lead by them. So, they have to control all activity.
Suggestions:
a. By understanding the sensory, cognitive, and performance issues of your child, always look at how the demands can be lowered, presented differently, or provide more support to make them match the current skill level of the child.
b. Do the tasks/activities as “we-do” activities (do them together, helping each other out) to frame and scaffold the activity to maximize success. Match the demands to the child’s skill level, and do them together to support the child through it.
- Many on the spectrum have strong task performance anxiety. So when we ask them to perform, they will resist unless they know that they will be “perfect” at doing it. Because of their “black and white”, “all or nothing” thinking, unless they feel completely competent (which is often just in their preferred, self-directed activity), they will pull back and resist. It is an all or nothing response; resisting any activity that will take some time to learn.
Suggestions:
a. Understand the child’s comfort zones and stretch slowly.
b. Start where the child is at; keep it simple, build one step at a time, and maximize success.
c. Find the “just right” challenge and stay within it. Providing too big of challenge may overwhelm them.
d. When possible, do the activity together (we-do activity) so you can take the pressure off the child, thus lowering the task performance anxiety.
- Some children have a hard time “initiating” a task. They simply cannot get themselves started. This is due to weak executive functioning (brain wiring). They need you to “jump start” them.
Suggestions:
a. Assist them in starting the activity, then fade out the assistance as they get going.
b. Some of the kids with executive functioning issues cannot remember multi-step directions. You may need to provide visual prompts for each step. When you give the child a task, give them verbal instructions and then walk away, they may not be able to organize what is needed to carry it out. Don’t label this as noncompliance. Provide the necessary support.
c. Give written directions and a written outline (worksheet) to lead them from one step to the next. Be nearby to redirect and assist as needed.
- Lack of motivation. Many children on the spectrum have low motivation to do things that are not exciting for them.
Suggestions:
a. Increase motivation by following “nonpreferred “activity with “preferred” activity. Simply use the activity that they enjoy to reinforce completion of other activity. First do homework, than watch T.V.
b. Catch them being good! Provide three times more praise and positive attention for being cooperative than for being resistant (scolding, coaxing, etc.). Minimize attention for noncompliance.
c. Build in token systems, star charts, sticker programs, etc, only if needed to increase motivation.
d. Some children are resistant when tasks are boring. Try and build new learning around their strengths and interests to increase motivation.
- For children that say no and fight all “directions”! Often labeled ODD
Suggestions
a. Pick your battles. Reduce 80% of all “requests”, demands, and directions. Telling them, or asking them to do things, will elicit an automatic no! They will resist all imperative statements (questions, prompting, instructions, directions, requests, etc.). It just gives them ammunition to be noncompliant.
b. Use more declarative language to invite engagement. For example “Wow…I could really use help with this!” or “I bet you are better at this then me!”, rather than “Billy help me do
_.” Invite without asking. It allows the child to feel himself volunteering to help; being in control under his own volition.
c. Provide no negative emotion to refusal. The two main things to avoid when child is resisting is “strong emotion,” getting upset, and any scolding, negotiating, coaxing, or bribing. They feed off the negative emotion (helps them feel powerful) and the attention that we give counseling, scolding, and coaxing. However you choose to respond to noncompliance, do it with little emotion, and with minimal talking.
d. For requests that the child “has to” do, use the following:
Get the child’s attention, face to face, eye level.
State the prompt in short, clear, concrete language.
Provide the child 10 seconds to respond (longer for delayed processing)
Repeat the prompt in firm manner; using same language.
Still no response (as long as you have been using the strategies above to support all vulnerabilities) then continue to stand your ground, saying nothing but repeating the same statement every 30 seconds.
For some children increase the assistance with physical guidance (unless it agitates them more), or simply wait until they are ready to respond.
Once the child responds, provide support as needed and reinforce all cooperative participation.
e. Often these children respond negatively to positive praise (just the opposite of most children). They read “praise” as you controlling them to do things. So, for these children do not praise performance, just let mastery be motivating.
- Because of our wish to avoid a fight, many children on the spectrum have learned that by resisting, people back off and withdraw the demands in order to avoid a meltdown, or destructive behavior. By doing so we often get to the point where we pacify the child so he will not get aggressive. We coax and bribe the child to do things. Consequently, the child learns that by being noncompliant and acting out, he can manipulate the people around him to give him what he wants and to escape and avoid everything he wishes to avoid.
Suggestions:
a. Of course, build in above proactive strategies to match the demands to the child’s current skill level.
b. Use a visual schedule so the routine is consistent and predictable for the child, with preferred activity built into the schedule every 2-3 activities.
c. Do the activities as we-do activities as much as possible. Providing support and praise as you go along.
d. When child is resistant do not argue, negotiate, or justify your request at that time. Take away the battle and let the consequences teach the behavior. Tell the child “You are too tired to do it right now. That’s ok, you let me know when you are ready, and I will help you.” Show no emotion, simply back away and ignore noncompliance. However, the child cannot do any preferred activity until they follow through with the routine task.
e. If they complain, simply remind them that it is their choice and you are there to help them when they are ready.
f. It is important that you are very clear in the expectations and consistent in following through with “life stops” until the child becomes responsive again.
As you see, there are different reasons why children on the spectrum are oppositional. However, assume that the child is doing the best that he can, given the situation he is in and his abilities to deal with it. Also, assume that the more oppositional, the more incompetent the child feels. Focus on helping the child feel competent, and responsiveness will increase. We tend to focus too much on forcing compliance, when we need to be assisting the child by taking away the fight, lowering the demands (at least at first), providing increase supports, and focusing on what they are doing right. Help them feel more competent, and they will follow your lead"
