struggling with ASD and trying to discipline aggressive behavior

[SophieofShepherdsBush]

I am in tears daily because I can't protect my younger children from their 6 year old brother. Please can someone quite simply tell me how to do "consequences" for thumping, biting,throwibg furniture. I

I understand it may be caused by sensory issues, lack of routine, but I cant let him just do what he wants here.

He won't stay in any kind of time out, thinking time, quiet time. He breaks things, threw a stone through the glass door. It's not fair on the little ones if I can't protect them. We have tried 123 magic. It made him worse. I try a PDA approach but I have no idea what to do when his actions are really dangerous to others. He has no remorse or empathy.

Please just tell me the answer! Like I said, we are falling apart at the seams. It's only going to get worse as he gets bigger.

[SophieofShepherdsBush]

Yes knitting I think that's the case, but she's my baby as well as him. I can't push her away just to keep him chilled. Actually bad competitiveness with his brother, who is actually a good boy and usually had his back. I don't want that to change because he's scared of ds.

[knittingwithnettles]

If school starts tomorrow he might also be feeling very very tense about that too.

[SophieofShepherdsBush]

Ah yeah zzzz, I know he could be worse. He can be so ordinary. But shouting definitely makes things worse and I need to stop it!

[Tortoisecharlie]

knittingwith seemed to have a lot of good advice.

If he is hurting his siblings it does need to be stopped. That's the goal. It might help to keep that in mind, no matter what the reasons or difficulties your DS has. It is important to protect others.

I'd even sketch out a plan of action for your family. Get any professionals help too. Let your DS and your other kids know that it is important that this stops and that you all need to do your bit.

Your DS with ASD may need to have more control in other areas of his life, more routine and 100% supervision until this gets better. If he is generally calmer and happier, it should help. It all depends on his level of understanding, and communication, but some way of being clear with him that hurting others is not on would be good - at a time he can understand - I don't know if social stories?

Think back to what triggers it, you say 'provocative' and 'jealousy' perhaps? Or is it all too much for him? Is he being left on his own too much with siblings who he doesn't always understand and does this up his frustration? Think creatively at how you could help your DS not get to that stage. The more you know about what triggers it, and what he may be rewarded with unintentially from doing it, the more you could build up an environment where he won't have the same stresses.

Like another poster has said, are you getting help with childcare? Do you need some time to break up the kids, give them individual time? Is this possible?

I know with my ASD child that shouting at him is something he remembers, and can terrify him but he has very little understanding. But he does get a 'NO' said in a firm way. 'No Hitting'. He gets that this is something that he shouldn't do. If your DS gets that it is wrong, but keeps doing it, then reasoning with him won't work imho. But time out probably won't either.

[amunt]

As Polter says, the ABC often doesn't catch the problem. My biggest breakthough with Ds behaviour wise was realising that the constant opposition was like a stim for him and when we took a more positive approach as opposed to trying to stop it, he improved a lot. And like stim, when that one subsided, other stims popped up for the first time.