Anyone have child with sensory sensitivities pls talk to me?!

[Purplerainbow2]

9 yr old ds1 has ASD (hf) with sensory sensitivities. The sensory issues have got worse with age. These last couple months has been hell. January he missed a lot of school saying clothes were irritating him. Mainly shoes, bought lots of shoes. Settled for a pair. School were good say he could wear what he wanted to get him in. Attendance board were involved ..... Sorry trying not to make this really long.... Anyway beg of feb I thought we were over the worse. Going to school every day. Then last week of term in February he was harder to get in. Then half term hit and he wouldn't leave the house for anything. Stayed in pjs and I was stuck in with him and ds2. Then managed to get a pair of joggers and only wearing them, slipper socks and a vest. He wouldn't go anywhere even in the car. School gave me a bit of work to do at home. Esbas have been round twice. This week gone for few days he has been coming with me to get ds2 from school (even tho we should walk) but in the car and he will sit in car whilst I get ds2.

Had meeting yesterday with school and esbas (school have done my head in but that's another thread I have on here!!) they have said on Monday tell him ASD co or donator will meet us at home and walk to school with us and that I'm going to work in foundation stage (their thinking he might feel safer/more willing to go if he knows I'm there) so he's all up for Monday, reckons he's going which is great but I know he won't. He is wearing the same clothes. I suggested we went to sports direct to get a size bigger trainer (as his slipper socks obv too thick to wear in trainer he has) he was up for that. We were sps go after dinner. He comes to the table starts yanking on his vest, crying saying it's irritating his armpits. Goes upstairs crying. Then decides he will come to shops.... Tries on various tops crying, shouting, ripping them off, saying they are irritating the crease of inside the elbow. I'm at my wits end. 4 weeks he's barely left the house. This means I can only leave the house when dh is home. I can't cope with it anymore it's so stressful. He was sps go to Camhs apt Friday but had same issues, spoke to her on pone instead. Next apt is after Easter!! Everyone keeps saying to me you've got to get him out of this cycle. I know!!!!! But I can't!! Has anyone been though this??

Tia sorry to rant

[Purplerainbow2]

For the last 2 weeks I haven't even mentioned going to school. Haven't even brought it up.... I'm not sure bat would help? If he doesn't go to school tomorrow he misses out on the first day of some world war 1 topic they are doing, workshops, 2 trips etc, lottery funded tbibg which he has been looking forward to. Head Said if he doesn't go in Tomo he can't go on the trips.

He isn't going anywhere At all. If it was just school related I wouldn't mind, it's everything. We aren't doing anything as a family as someone has to be home for him.

[Purplerainbow2]

He says he want to go

[Purplerainbow2]

Exactly polter, but what is it? What is going to have to give?? I literally don't know what to do. I can't cope with it anymore.

Camhs don't come to the house and can't see him until after Easter, school say they can't help as he's not at school, esbas say they can only help when he's IN school although she's coming Tuesday morning to try to get him there. Paediatrician doesn't care.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Does he know about the stuff about the trip and topic?

[Purplerainbow2]

Yea he does, been brought up a while ago. The head said I can go on the trip for him aswell. Not something Iv been able to do in the past.

[ouryve]

Agree about the spiral of a nsory isses and stress.

For totally unscented fabric conditioner, try surcare or M&s sensitive. Tumble drying softens fabrics a lot. Ironing helps if that's not an option.

When my joints are particularly painful, I find the sensation of sleeves around my elbows quite hellish. A lot of clothes hurt my neck to the point I get a headache, too. I can't wear hoodies or many bulky collars. Might be something to consider when trying to find clothes he's OK with.

[Ineedmorepatience]

When we told Dd3 that we would never force her to go to school she still tried to go and still got really stressed when she was there!

She didnt start to de stress until after we had de registered her when she knew she wasnt going back and that was it!

We have a rule about trips that we do in the day and that is that she gives it a try and if she hates it or cant cope we come home! We started off with short walks in our local park and a few little trips to the cafes and her favoured shops eg Home bargains to buy her beige food items when they were quiet and went from there.

[Ineedmorepatience]

If the trip and topic are something that he wanted to do but is unable to cope with at the moment he might be torturing himself but not able to tell you! My feeling is the same as polter and that is that he is really struggling poor boy

[Purplerainbow2]

He's so horrible to me at times though. It's really hard not to resent him at the moment. Please don't flame me, I still have bruises on my arm from him biting me last weekend because I told him he had to get off the tablet.

[Purplerainbow2]

I'm fed up of everyone saying 'you've just got to break the cycle'. I hate this, people seem to think I'm encouraging it. I'm not. I hate him being here 24/7.

[Purplerainbow2]

By everyone, I meant RL.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Not flaming we never do that on here, just trying to offer as many suggestions from things that we have tried and tested as possible!

I am sure you dont want to encourage it but you do need to break the cycle of stress! If you need him to be in school then you need to try to come up with a plan of how you are going to ease him back in! Is there a clash with this yrs teacher? Is it the classroom? We managed to get Dd3 back into school after her crash in yr 6 by getting her moved to a different class with a teacher she related to in a better way!

Would more support help him so he can have sensory breaks!

[Purplerainbow2]

I have another thread about getting him an EHCP. He isn't statemented. The school says he has more support than any child has ever had and there is nothing else they can do.
There isn't anything else I can do to break it, he's had 4 weeks now solid off school. I haven't mentioned school to him for the last 2 of those weeks. School won't give any more work for home as they say that would be giving him the choice of not going to school to do the work

[Purplerainbow2]

Paediatrician pooh poohed PDA when I said he has a lot of traits. I use the giving him an option when I need him to do something such as do you want to brush your teeth or shall I do it etc. been doing that for a while

[Purplerainbow2]

Getting dressed I give him the choice, do you want to get dressed upstairs or down stairs. Give him a choice in what socks he wears etc

[Ineedmorepatience]

Firstly you could see your GP and get him signed off with anxiety and then school cant use that excuse!

You dont need a diagnosis to use the strategies, if PDA strategies are helping then keep using them, use more!

Do what ever you need to do to make yours and his life less stressful! It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks only what works!

I still think that school is likely to be the ultimate cause of his stress levels increasing, have a think if anything triggered the initial absences and see if you can solve that!

In the meantime, reduce demands to an absolute minimum and use choice to help you! If Dd3 was refusing to get dressed and I needed her to I would say, these trousers or these [hers are all the same anyway]! Then I would say, You need to be ready by XX O'clock and then walk away! All the control is with her and I always make sure it doesnt matter if she isnt quite ready for the set time! She normally is though!

It is very hard when she flatly refuses to do something but I have to keep in mind that she is not being badly behaved she is struggling for some reason!

[Purplerainbow2]

He has struggled all of year 5, this has been his worse, he is very good academically. Love to learn. So nothing happened over Xmas to make this bad in jan

[Purplerainbow2]

The thing is though he has no demands. His only demand is getting to the table for dinner time and even then if he is on the tablet before dinner which he generally is because Fte school time is only time they are allowed on them, I don't allow screen time before bed.

[Ineedmorepatience]

If he has been struggling all through yr 5 he probably just reached over load at christmas! Christmas is an awful time of yr at school especially for a child with sensory issues!

Does he have a special interest? Just out of interest?

[Ineedmorepatience]

The yr 5's dont by any chance spend time with the yr 6's do they?

The crash that Dd3 had in yr 6 started before she broke up at the end of yr 5 and was caused by staff going on and on and on and on and on and on about SATs!!

Dd3 is academically able but the constant pressure nearly broke her!

[Purplerainbow2]

The school are blaming me saying that it's because he knows I'm at home. I had to give my job up last summer due to missing too much of it because of ds and the stress he was causing. I get what they are saying but I had to stop working otherwise I would've a) been sacked and b) had a break down.

Science is his main interest

[Purplerainbow2]

I think it's the pressure since the curriculum changed, the extra pressure. Iv heard lots of parent say that. I told h school that in Friday and all they said was well it's the government not us! Didn't help!