DS and School refusal

[Orange32]

DS, 10 years old, got final diagnosis of Dyspraxia about 2.50 months ago and ASD about 6 weeks ago. For this school year getting to school on Monday's are very hard. I have had some days where I have not sent him in as he has been so upset at the idea of going. Other days are fine but Monday's are really hard. Should have gone back today after Easter Holidays but he was up last night with a sick tummy with the worry over it and then today refused to go to school. He said he was too sad to go to school and was crying so hard. He went back to bed and slept for a few hours after he calmed down

How do other parents handle this issue with school?

Thanks

These days we say it is the ds's choice whether to go in or not. We also give them the opportunity to go in late rather than not all. ds2 is very demand avoidant when stressed and giving him an element of choice and control really helps. In the past we exerted a lot of pressure on them to go in which in retrospect was very bad for their mental health and I do regret it.

At the same time we try and work hard with school to reduce the stresses. We have asked ds2's school for instance to make sure he starts the day with something he finds relaxing so he is now allowed 10 minutes on the computer before school starts. At a previous school the first thing he did with his TA was feed the birds which made the transition between home and school much easier. For ds1 what has helped is a really good Friday afternoon - he now does Forest School - so he ends the school week on a positive note.

It is really hard, I had it this morning with Dd3 (as expected). Like one I have stopped forcing her but today I had no choice because I needed to go to work, it was horrible

I have also on the advice of this board stopped calling it "School refusal" and started saying " Unable to attend due to anxiety" Which I know is a mouthful but it takes the emphasis off the behaviour of the child.

I am not the best person to give advice because we are just about to throw the towel in with school!!

Remember that school is not the be all and end all and that you need to protect his mental health.