Awareness Cards (for varying conditions) to use in difficult situations

[hazeyjane]

Ds is 4 he has a genetic condition, as he gets older we tend to get more 'looks', tuts and eyerolls when he gets overwhelmed, and some downright rudeness.

I have seen Autism Awareness cards like the one in the photo, and wondered whether something like this would be helpful in some situations.

I am not at all sure what I think about the cards, part of me thinks it would make life easier and help people be more understanding, and part of me feels uncomfortable about it, although I don't know if i can put my finger on why?!

I would really welcome other's opinions, and if anyone uses cards like this to help with their situation, did you custom make them, or download/order something?

thankyou

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I dunno. The French usually tut at you because you are English ime.

[tempe48]

I would say that with severe epilepsy, worrying about what DD might think in the future, about her confidential medical information being disclosed, is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titannic.

When you are out with someone, who can have 50 seizures a day, it is often necessary to explain, when people see her have one, that it is nothing to worry about for her - because they are offering to call 999. She would never leave A & E!

[theDudesmummy]

My ABA tutor grew up in France and still goes there a lot as her family are there. She says the attitude to autism there is still awful. I would not imagine it is just France though, and don't want to single them out, I just think that we are quite lucky here in generally enlightened attitudes. I work with people with different kind of severe disability, many of whom are from other countries, and I am well aware exactly how they are often treated in their own countries.

[Tooloudhere]

My ds is very obviously disabled to anyone who looks, he still gets stared at. We don't know if he will become an adult but I still wouldn't go handing out a card to the people who stare out of respect for him.

This is what the original poster is upset about boils down to is lack of respect from the public for her sons issues. I just don't see how giving out someone's confidential medical details without their consent is going to change that. I respect my son enough not to feel the need to justify his differences to strangers, that is different to saying no thanks we don't need an ambulance during a seizure (have been there too).

I honestly believe that to be so bothered by other peoples reactions you need to look inside yourself first, you could spend all day handing out cards and there will still be somebody else with a stare or badly thought out comment round the next corner. I am not trying to be controversial or provocative, I have been upset so many times in the past but on the whole I find it better to ignore and focus on my kids than getting involved.

[Tooloudhere]

I do not believe that any disability is negative, hence why I don't believe that anybody's differences should be explained to complete strangers especially a child who has no say in the matter. If I wish to hand out cards about my son now I think you also have to consider how that person would feel in ten years time about you doing so.

Using that analogy would you hand out a card saying my child has a fiery temper as they have red hair or whatever other stereotype? If the red hair did cause a fiery temper then that is an integral part of that person why apologise or ask for society to treat them differently.

I wasn't talking specifically about autism again surely the decision rests with the child not the parent whether they want to tell everyone what their diagnosis is.

I am not intending to offend anyone's personal boundarys but strongly believe that everyone has an equal value regardless of their disability or difference and that true acceptance and respect does not come from highlighting them.

[Tooloudhere]

That's being a bit daft, from my understanding these people weren't trying to communicate with the child just staring and tutting. Would you hand out cards saying my child only speaks German, uses sign language to any person on the street? No because it is unecessary and frankly a little odd, so is IMO a card stating someone's disability.

This is all rather strange, I do hope non of these kids are introduced to new people as .....with whatever syndrome, disability, cerebral palsy etc. just to save any further questions, these children are people and should not be defined by these issues nor should their own or society's expectations.

[Piratejones]

too. loud here you are making it sounds as if a child's.issues.must be kept secret or else they won't be seen as a person. I am.sure you don't mean this.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

When I say 'this is ds, he has autism', I am not disrespecting my son. I am giving him half a chance at acceptance and accommodations being made for him and increasing his chances of success.

I also get essential initial feedback from the person I told whether to stick with it or withdraw myself and my family from their company.

[Tooloudhere]

I thought the thread was about dealing with strangers staring and making remarks about children with varying disabilities. At no point did I say a childs issues must never be mentioned and kept secret.

I absolutely believe it is disrespectful to the child involved to hand out cards with their information on to aforementioned rude people. I think you will find in my first post I said that most of these starers have already worked out that there is something different about the child hence the staring and that if they carry on staring then to add tuts and comments then they are not worth my time. I find it better to stop looking for other peoples reactions and get on with our lives, I certainly won't be handing out a child's confidential details to random strangers who show such intolerance in such situations.

That is very different to not mentioning a child's issues to anyone, however I will not introduce my son as .... with ..... as he is not defined by his disabilities nor do I want others to see him that way. What chance do they stand at acceptance if the parents differentiate them?

[Piratejones]

what chance is there of accepting differences and understanding them If they are hidden?

it's not defining your child, it's openly accepting your child including issues.

[Tooloudhere]

I have no problems accepting my child's issues, highlighting differences is not acceptance. Genuine acceptance does not need a song and dance.

[Piratejones]

'genuine' acceptance needs openness and honesty

[Tooloudhere]

If another person suggested that our children should wear a tshirt, carry a banner, hand out cards etc explaining why they may behave differently, find things stressful or whatever there would be an outcry.

Members of society should be able to walk or propell down the street with each other without having to explain that each person is different and has different challenges. That is all that is being discussed here strangers judging and whether you should justify disabled childs presence by handing out cards .

[Piratejones]

not at all, people here are talking about cards which contain information and advice for others who are ignorant to a child's disabilities. specifically to be used in times when they have created a disturbance of.some sort.

they have not suggested singling a child with disabilities out using neon signs And t-shirts.

[Piratejones]

by your logic wristbands explaining allergies, necklaces with sezuire advice and contact information is also a bad thing. as it displays another person's differences.

[hazeyjane]

I am loathe to come back to the thread I started, because I am finding it a bit hardgoing tbh

I find it really hurtful that it is suggested that I feel the need to 'justify (my) disabled childs presence by handing out cards ..'

I don't necessarily think people that tut or roll their eyes etc are necessarily bad people, I think sometimes people are just unaware, they see a disabled child, but they don't know that that child may find noise overwhelming, or have no speech.

In a moment where I want to focus on making sure my ds and his sisters are ok, handing someone a card explaining that my child has a chromosomal disorder that may mean he struggles with things that others take for granted (which I would be happy to say to someone - if the circumstances were different) seemed like an idea that would help us whilst hopefully educating them. I hadn't thought of it as a betrayal, because ds's condition and its effects are him, they are not something I want to explain away, but something I want people to understand.

As for the disclosing medical information, in the situation we had a few moths ago, where someone was asking ds questions, and he wasn't responding, when the lady said, 'speak up then!' how would you respond? I explained to her that ds cannot speak, but he can sign - was this too much medical information?

[ouryve]

And I'm with Polter, here.

We had a rather sweet situation, this morning. Living in a village, everyone's far more in everyone's business than in a city, anyhow, but it has its advantages. I've hd people look out for DS1 when I've been stuck with DS2 having a moment, many times, for example.

This morning, I took the boys for their morning walkies (they need it and we try to fit it in, so long as the weather isn't too distressing for DS1). There's a couple of old guys who tend to spend their morning in one of their garages at the end of our terrace. They spent a year glaring at me, whenever I walked past, until they figured out that I might be a permanent fixture, then one of them very pointedly said good morning. That was several years ago. His wife is still highly suspicious of me because I'm an outsider.

Anyhow, we got home, this morning and as I was unlocking the back door, something shot past me. It turned out to be a greenfinch. It was tame enough to come within a foot of me and I noticed a ring on its leg. I remembered hearing bird noises, occasionally, from behind that shed, so I went down to ask the guys if they kept finches. Turned out they'd had a few escape, this morning.

I took DS2 with me (I'd sent DS1 in and he was safely occupying himself with eating a pastry!) he was rather confused by coming home, going back down the hill then coming up again. While they guys were trying to catch the bird, he'd plastered himself to the road. The older guy, who I used to think seemed a little curmudgeonly, was genuinely concerned that DS2 was scared of him, so I explained his confusion and that he had autism, so expected things to happen in a particular order. To him, you get home from a walk and you stay home!

Earlier, this week, the guy had said hello to him and he put his hand to his mouth and said "ho!" which is his way of greeting people who say hello to him. It would be daft to completely hide the basics of medical info when his actions are so out of the ordinary. It wouldn't help him at all.

OTOH, the boarded up window upstairs is the result of an unfortunate collision with a toy box.

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

If another person suggested that our children should wear a tshirt, carry a banner, hand out cards etc explaining why they may behave differently, find things stressful or whatever there would be an outcry.

This is going a bit overboard and is a little bit unfair don't you think?

Someone (one person, 1) asks a valid question about using cards to give information at times when it would be otherwise difficult to explain things about their son and you are making it out like they have asked everyone to stamp "disabled" on their childs head.
You don't like the idea, that's a fair opinion, but do you really need to suggest that the OP is being disrespectful to their (not your) child by doing it, or they are some how committing a massive crime against blind acceptance?

[Tooloudhere]

It is my opinion that I find it disrespectful to the child involved to hand out cards to complete strangers in the street. This being at times of the child being in distress or requiring medical procedures in public. Surely at that time the parents attention is best directed towards dealing with said situation and other their other children that worrying if strangers are staring.

At no point did I say you should never talk about a child's needs as that would be silly and detrimental. But do I think it is right to broadcast a child's difference and disabilities to people who are being rude and have nothing to do with the child, no I don't.

As far as your child telling people then that is fine and my whole point is that, it shouldn't be up to us to decide and how would the child feel in ten years about us doing so.

[magso]

When ds was a young child I occasionally told sympathetic (those interested or trying to help) people that ds has autism or learning disability - but more usually I would simply state his difficulty. (The noise hurts him, he does not understand words yet). I did wonder about buying cards, but felt uncomfortable about it (especially before he has his dx- ), and by the time he had his dx had decided against it. I feel it easier to just speak if I must.
Thedudesmummy we have found people in rural France to be mostly kind and tolerant now ds is older. As a small one -yes he was seen as a badly parented English child- especially in towns! My French is not really good enough to explain either.