Awareness Cards (for varying conditions) to use in difficult situations

[hazeyjane]

Ds is 4 he has a genetic condition, as he gets older we tend to get more 'looks', tuts and eyerolls when he gets overwhelmed, and some downright rudeness.

I have seen Autism Awareness cards like the one in the photo, and wondered whether something like this would be helpful in some situations.

I am not at all sure what I think about the cards, part of me thinks it would make life easier and help people be more understanding, and part of me feels uncomfortable about it, although I don't know if i can put my finger on why?!

I would really welcome other's opinions, and if anyone uses cards like this to help with their situation, did you custom make them, or download/order something?

thankyou

[theDudesmummy]

That's my concern: the nice/enlightened people will not cause problems anyway, and the rude/unelightened people won't care about your card and may well be rude to you when you give it to them, thereby increasing your distress. Although if there are people there who are nice but just need/want a bit of information I can see how it could help. The problem is, you don't necessarily know which of these categories of people you are dealing with! And even nice people have days or times when they don't want to have information foisted on them, as I noted above.

[Coccousturia]

I really do not know how much a card is going to help. The reason I am skeptical is because I have seen some terribly horrible people in my day. If your son is actually hitting himself in public and they ask you “Why don’t you just tell him to stop?” it is really doubtful that a card will smarten them up.

[MeirAiaNeoAlibi]

I used a card once, on a train. To the ticket man, whose help I needed to get someone to move their bag so the dc & I could sit together.

He upgraded us to first class instead and brought me a free cup of tea!

[theDudesmummy]

Yes I really do see that having a card could be a good idea in some conditions and with some people. I worry however that the people who are being unpleasant or unhelpful passersby are the very people who may well be rude or worse if you hand them such a card, and therefore I could end up more angry than before. I am not against the idea of the cards, I just can't see myself doing it right now.

[hazeyjane]

Can I just clear up a couple of things

I m not talking about handing cards out to any old passer by, just in situations where someone has stopped to pass judgement,or are upsetting my family by staring and rather than me blowing a gasket, giving them a card saying something like Polter suggested -''minihazey has a chromosomal disorder which affects his x, y and z. He can get overwhelmed sometimes so please don't stare". I would assume (and hope that this would be a rare occurence!)

Ds does not have autism, he has a genetic condition, no speech, health problems and learning disabilities. I asked about the cards on the FB page devoted to his condition and many of the people on there had the cards (some for their adult offspring who carry them when they are out with their carers)

I am quite open about ds's condition, we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, I have found on the whole that people are very understanding when they know that ds can't speak, and is frightened by certain things etc. I may be naive, but I do think that sometimes explanation does help understanding, and whilst I don't think it is our business to educate, I know that I have been educated on here and real life by meeting others with disabilities, and have a greater understanding of why people might display behaviours which might otherwise have seemed peculiar to me. There are certainly times when people on AIBU have said that they have a greater understanding from reading posts by people from these boards.

As I said in my op part of me does feel uncomfortable about them which is why I was asking for opinions. My discomfort comes from the cards I have seen that state things like, I'm not naughty...I have autism' and 'love me unconditionally...I promise I am worth it!' (2 examples of cards that came iup from my googling). Really I just wondered whether something factual and informative would help. In my googling I have seen cards for dementia sufferers, people who are deaf, people with spd etc.

Thankyou to everyone who has given their opinions, especially those who did that without making me feel as though I am somehow letting down my ds, betraying him and acting akin to a nazi with respect to people with disabilities, by even considering it. I did not ask about opinions on this somewhere like AIBU where one would expect some pretty abrasive views, but on a board which, to me at least, has been a place for seeking support and advice.

[theDudesmummy]

I hope that does not sound mean! Of course I would help someone if my help looked like it was needed/desired. But in general I would simply behave like I do with any other members of the public...

[theDudesmummy]

That does not apply to my DS as he does not have that level of understanding, but I fully see where you are coming from there!

Yes, I think it would be lovely to believe we live in a world where everyone cared about what that child in the corner making funny noises is doing and why, and how they can help, but it does not work like that. Even I don't always feel like engaging when I see someone with a disabled child or person. I would never be horrible, but unless someone really looked they needed my help I would usually simply get on with my own business. I care deeply about the rights of disabled people and societal attitudes to them (not just because of DS but also because of my job) but I don't always have the time, energy, or inclination to get involved with every disabled person I see and wonder exactly what is going on.

[theDudesmummy]

My DS wears engraved tags on his clothes that say "I am the Dude, I am autistic and cannot speak" and giving my mobile number. That is in case (God forbid) he ever gets lost. They are obvious but too small to read unless you are very close, so it is not immediately obvious what they are. I am also always happy to tell people that he is autistic and can't speak, and to try to explain why he is behaving in a certain way. I do it all the time.

But for some reason the cards don't seem right to me. It seems like an invasion of other people's space and time, in fact. I certainly don't always feel like people giving me information about something when I am just going about my business. I hate having flyers and such like thrust at me and I dislike charity muggers. So I would not feel comfortable forcing on random people written information which they don't necessarily want. If anyone is interested in talking to me about DS and his autism I will be very happy to do so, they just have to ask. I don;' have a problem with the confidentiality issue. As far as I am concerned DS's autism is not some confidential medical information, it is who he is.

[Stilltooloudhere]

No top trumps why would you assume that, at any point did I imply that?

Oddfod by saying I was thinking of whether my child would mind in ten years time, I was accused of thinking that a child would outgrow their disabilities. As though a disabled person was not worthy or capable of having feelings about a decision the parent made.

I am not angry, it is all rather sad really, please read my first post.

[OddFodd]

I don't really understand why you're so angry Tooloud. And I also don't get your point about growing out of something.

AFAIK, you don't grow out of disabilities. That's why they're disabilities. Sure, you can learn to manage and cope with (some of) them better so as to mask them but you've still got them.

[ouryve]

Tooloud - both of my boys have a primary diagnosis of ASD, so that is what I will base my decisions about. They have many of the usual co-morbids which also influence my decisions. 99% of the people we speak to seem to be disposed to be kind, so if one of them is in an absolute flap about something and on the verge of meltdown, it would show no respect to either of them if I didn't explain, as briefly as possible to someone that their well intentioned attentions are just plain overwhelming for him (kind people instinctively want to jolly them along and cheer them up, I find and standing back and keeping quiet goes against the grain for some).

Other disabilities don't feature in my boys' lives, so why would they be relevant to me in a tricky situation? Or are you, perhaps, advocating SN top trumps, here? I'm sorry my child flopped down in front of your supermarket trolley. I shouldn't explain why he's so distressed that he did something so unexpected, but at least he can walk, most of the time, eh, and he's not unconscious, or anything, so mustn't grumble

[Stilltooloudhere]

Thanks Jason but my tone was meant to be patronising in my last comment. My first comment wasn't but to be frank I am finding the attitude here pathetic.

It seems that prejudice and preconception of disabilty is ironically rather rife here. That to suggest a child is disabled yet capable of comprehension, no having an arf or expecting it to be grown out of. To say that a child's feelings in the future should be considered is something to be slated for. Yes if this is your attitudes towards your children then it is a lack of respect.

Why start a thread asking for opinions if you don't want them!

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

Seriously there are other disabilities out there other than autism, social and communication disorders. I do not expect anyone to be magically cured or grow out of it though it would be nice. There are children out there who have severe medical and or physical disabilities with no cognitive impairment despite first glance impressions.

You probably don't mean to, but you give off a very patronising tone, do you know that?

[Stilltooloudhere]

Seriously there are other disabilities out there other than autism, social and communication disorders. I do not expect anyone to be magically cured or grow out of it though it would be nice. There are children out there who have severe medical and or physical disabilities with no cognitive impairment despite first glance impressions.

It is completely right to know that decisions made now are the best for the future too and that their feelings are taken into account. Lots of children don't like being talked about including some disabled ones surely that counts for something.

It is plain rude to suggest that I am not comfortable with my son for who he is. He is entitled as everyone is to be accepted for who he is which I why I will not be explaining about him to strangers with a card or otherwise for the sake of their ignorance and rudeness.