One of the things that means most to me is when someone treats me like I'm a 'normal' parent - which I am (both of ds with autism, and dd who is nt). Disability doesn't discriminate about where to strike - anyone can have a child with SN, and being a parent of one doesn't make me any different from any 'normal' one. Just have a slightly different set of circumstances to live with.
Another thing that makes me sad/angry/despairing is when it is obvious someone is squirming with embarrassment and won't/can't bring themselves to use the 'A' word. Like ds's condition is something taboo, to be embarrassed about. I would love to talk more to people about him and his condition (as long as it's because the other person is genuinely interested, not because they're only asking out of prurient curiosity iyswim).
Suppose it's a balance between acknowledgement and understanding of ds's condition (and how it might make things difficult for him and result in 'different' behaviour), and that not meaning they see him as a lesser person, or me as a 'different' kind of parent or person.
Since ds has had a dx, the true friends I've made are those people who aren't frightened off by him and genuinely interested to know more about him (both good and bad stuff), and the more they know about him the more they'll understand him - like any child I guess. If someone treats it like a taboo subject it's like denying his existance.
Then there are those who seem interested him but whose eyes glaze over when I start talking about the boring stuff like getting support at school etc
So, very rambling I know but I spose the 3 things would be:
- don't be scared to bring up the subject - the mum/dad might be really pleased that someone is interested for the right reasons (ie not out of freak-show motives)
- try to see the child as a child first and foremost. A child is not a disability.
- treat the other mum/dad as you would any other - they're just normal people with different circumstances, and you can be friends while still acknowledging and understanding their child's disability
And 4. pass on the attitude to your children that other people who are different (in looks, behaviour, mobility etc) are nothing to be feared but a part of our society