very low pain threshold and how to help them when they get hurt

[yawningmonster]

Sorry I have been on a lot lately about ds but we are struggling with loads of meltdowns and parenting him in general at the moment and have found you lot very supportive with some great suggestions, book recommendations and reassurance...so bear with me

DS stubbed his toe this afternoon!!!! Well! Lets just say it was dramatic enough that both sets of neighbours came running to see if they could help as they thought he had broken his leg!!!

He screamed and thrashed and screamed some more

It took about an hour to calm him down enough to actually look at the toe. Definately a goodun, he has lifted the nail and there was a bit of blood.

Man can he scream loud and trash hard....how do you deal with this.

I just tried to reassure him and tell him that until he calmed down I couldn't help him. Neighbours scarpered when they realised it wasn't the emergency it sounded like but my ears are still ringing.

My ears are actually quite sore....do you stay and try to reassure and consequently get caught up in the crossfire of thrashing and screaming?

I did give him a pillow to bite and held one in front of me to protect myself which helped a bit but man oh man...I am absolutely exhausted (he is recovering with jelly.

[porridgelover]

yawning, I dont know the 'story' of your DS. Have you considered that he may have sensory processing difficulties, which would usually be seen by an OT?

Having an extreme reaction to pain, or perceiving 'normal' bangs/scratches/touch as painful is often seen with children who have tactile defensiveness.

As a very general rule, to 'calm' a child with an aversive response, use proprioception.

Hope that helps.

[yawningmonster]

thanks porridgelover I didn't think anyone was going to answer.

Short story for ds is diagnosis of Aspergers, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia. He has SPD as part of all this. He is has only had 2 times with the OT last year but I am hoping they will take him more this year and give us some things that will help.

At this stage I think he would actively resist some of things mentioned on the site such as brushing...hopefully they start slowly to build their tolerance???

[lougle]

With regard the touch sensitivity, you'd need to explore what sort of touch he tolerates. Some children can't bear light touch, but can cope with firm touch and vice versa.

DD1 did well with compressions, but the brushing sent her absolutely giddy, just too stimulating.

DD2 (seeing paeds today for the first time) reacts badly to pain. We find that once she starts screaming, any attempts to calm her just fuel the fire, so once we have dealt with her, we have to just say nothing until she calms down.

[yawningmonster]

thanks Lougle...the answer to touch sensitivity and what he will tolerate the answer is not much unless on his terms. He has had a weighted blanket but hated it, hopefully OT's can help us to figure out how to help.

Yes I agree that we were not going to calm him down in a month of Sundays, he had to reenter his calm state in his own time, however we did need to look at the toe and he was demanding that we fix it but we couldn't get near him to do so for a long time so we cannot deal with him until after he calms down if that makes sense rather than deal with injury and then allow the reaction to dissipate.

[porridgelover]

yawning, I am so sorry.

The second link on my last post was supposed to be this. (major link fail)

Yes, brushing is something to approach and use cautiously. For a while it was seen as a 'cure-all' for tactile issues but that is not the case. Many kids just cannot take it at all.

No. What I had meant to say was that in virtually all cases, proprioceptive input is calming. Some children (e.g. my DS) cant take any external proprioceptive input e.g. weighted blanket, being wrapped in a 'sandwich'.

But he loves, and seeks internal proprioception. Thats where he is using the force of his own body against gravity or against resistance. So he loves to wrestle with me (where I am quite passively holding him) or to crawl through an obstacle course on his tummy. Lying on a scooter board to propel yourself in a pile of pillows is another good one.

Apologies again. That was bad advice in my first post.

[yawningmonster]

porridge please don't be upset with yourself...everything you have said and linked to has been appreciated and the first (second) link was still interesting and had appropriate information in it.

At the moment despite knowing this child for 8 years we are still trying to work out what helps to calm him down and what doesn't.

I find it hard because he projects so much on to me...he can't always get that I am not responsible for everything that happens to him and I find that very hard too.

The stuff you say about internal vs external proprioception is interesting. I think like your ds that mine would find external input very very challenging. I'm not sure about the internal, one of the things you mention would be things he would enjoy but he does have a bit of an enclosure thing. It doesn't involve pressure but he likes to curl up at the bottom of sleeping bags or inside duvet covers or sleep under the bed or in a cupboard, he loves huts and bases and little crawly holes to hole up in. I wonder if that is a proprioception thing...I have always seen it as a way for him to shut out sensory input as he is very defensive.

Strangely he is also seeking and is a chewer, sucker, spinner and jumper. He also loves, loves, loves to get wet (as log as it is on his terms not someone else with a water pistol or hose but him with a hose if that makes sense.

I sometimes feel that other people are much better at being in tune with their children and know what works and what doesn't. I still feel everyday that I am making it up as I go along. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and what worked yesterday won't work today.

I feel like I don't know or understand my son very well which makes me sad and guilty.

[porridgelover]

yawning I hope nothing I said led you to feel that.
I work in this area, have years of experience....and I can look at another child and work things out.
But I still struggle with DS and DD1.
I do feel guilty and sad but decided a while ago that it doesnt help me to be a good mum. It's like trying to put the sails up while my anchor is down IYKWIM.

WRT your DS, it seems to me that the crawling into small spaces ties in with seeking proprioceptive info to calm himself. Would he like something like this?. Wanting to be wet could be tactile as it gives him greater feedback from his skin (DD1 is tactile defensive but can be brought back to ground with a firmish foot massage).

And the spinning/jumping is seeking vestibular info; it's possible that he under-registers (my DS is hpersensitive to vestibular and goes white when he spins). Would he get dizzy when spinnning around?

[yawningmonster]

Hi porridge no you haven't led me to feel like this...just very hard, I so much want to get into his world and guide him through but I can't always get there no matter how much I try. I will show him the sock and see what he thinks.

It takes a fair bit for him to get dizzy but he spins in quite a controlled way...office chair but rotations are quite controlled.

Thanks for all the information, it is really helpful.