My 8 year old son has recently had his diagnosis of AS. He's borderline (on the scores) bright academically, but really struggles with groups and friendships at school. He hasn't been aggressive in the past, but unfortunately is just now starting to get more confrontational, (sadly, with the one and only NT child who has so far really tried to be his friend)....so seems hellbent on spoiling his own chances socially at the moment. He's worked out that he himself has special needs, but we haven't yet told him the terminology, or technically 'broken the news' to him....So, first of all, it would be so helpful to hear of some other's experience on the positives/negatives of any disclosure of his diagnosis, to a child of that age...eg: any lessons learnt? etc. (Any regrets or wishes about telling him/ not telling him/ telling him at wrong time etc? ISWIM).
Secondly I'm sure some other Mums and kids in his class must know/suspect that he isn't quite as other kids are....Do they need to know? If so, what exactly do they need to know? and might their 'knowing' just actually make things harder in practice for DS? eg. some kids might use it as a new way to tease or bully him in the playground. I can't make up my mind whether it's better to keep him in the dark for the time being, (as he is so young -of course he must know when he's more ready for it), or whether it will help him to know anyway sooner rather than later. His teacher and SENCO say don't tell him yet, but it makes life harder for me also with other Mums at the school gate wio can sense something isn't 'right' but I don't feel free to be open about it with them. Any wisdom gratefully received....
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
Asperger's: to disclose or not to disclose? and if so, to whom? and how?and when?.....
phoebus · 15/05/2012 14:48
Hi helen I think it is really hard when children are older and have their own opinions on themselves.
My Dd3 was 9 when she was diagnosed but I didnt tell her till she was nearly 10.
She is very certain about who we should tell and who we shouldnt.
She has just started on a course at school which is called "understanding me" [i think]. It is all about understanding the diagnosis, what it's implications are and how it affects each of the children in the group.
She finds it tough to accept that there are things that she is not good at and social skills are one of those things.
Maybe you should start your own thread on the board, some people might see the original date on this thread and not read to the end.
DS2 was diagnosed soon after his ninth birthday. The diagnosis was given while he was in the room. After we left, he asked "Why were they talking about Asparagus? I don't even like Asparagus!". At the time I was a bit put out that they'd disclosed the diagnosis to him without asking us first, but as time has gone on, I'm actually grateful that we never had to face that decision of when to tell him. He sees it as a difference rather than a disability, so isn't bothered by people knowing at all. In fact he is going through a stage of leading with this when he introduces himself to new people! 
He will be moving to secondary next Autumn, so not sure whether to talk to him about maybe saving the information about Asperger's for once he gets to know people rather than opening with it in the first 30 seconds...
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