DS has autism, dyspraxia, SPD and Hypermobility. Obviously these multiple conditions have a great impact on his behaviours and he can be extremely challenging, especially at school and when away from home.
However he appears "normal"much of the time and functions well. Various family members inlaw grandparents do not accept that he has any of the above condtions and therefore do not make the allowances needed for him.
They don't say too much to me but to any other family member who will listen they have stated that it is me making it up for attention, that ds has issues because of the problems me and his dad (their son) had in our marriage. He loves them and I know they love him but after has visited them unsupervised by me there is always a massive meltdown and I know that their dealing with him ie by being super firm and sharp toned with him to prevent any "nonsense" makes him massively anxious because he simply cannot process why they appear to be angry with him. The meltdowns have happened in front of them also and this simply cements their view of how badly brought up and naughty he is.
He cannot manage at school at all, his anxiety there makes him a danger to himself and others my inlaws tell me that he needs to be "sorted out" and he is going to "have to learn to fit in!" I have tried to discuss it calmly but they simply do not listen. They also suggest ridiculous activities for him eg quad biking which he is not physically or mentally capable of doing. On holiday I practially had to physically hold onto ds to prevent them from putting him on a bloody jet ski!
I try not to let it worry me but I get more and more unhappy about it and I know that one day it will just explode out of me how stupid and ignorant and cruel they are towards ds 
because of their unwillingness to accept his conditions. They are his family for crying out loud, supposed to love him.
I suppose this is more a rant than anything else because I can't see a solution that does not involve me verbally ripping heads off next time a situation arises.
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
How do you deal with a family member who will not accept that your child has SN.
akaemmafrost · 07/12/2011 17:56
The annoying thing is DS's uncle on the paternal side has classic autism so they know there is a strong possibility of the hereditary link there but are blatantly ignoring it! 
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THAT is a lovely poem! :)
I am not being spoken to at the moment by the inlaws because I have refused to subject ds to the annual boxing day visits. Every year its too much for him. We have to travel for it, he has to wait to open each present one by one in a turn take circle in a hot stuffy front room. Then once done they expect him to sit quiety still so that they can watch the football and every time he speaks it is a shhhhh! Have tried and tried to suggest they visit us as he is better in his own home and can escape to his room or somewhere else in the house if its too much.
They didnt get it in the beginning. Thought they got it when I explained to SIL who gave MIL net research to look at. Now they come crouching infront of DS and speaking softly too him like he is an idiot. Of course he just looks at them like they are nuts and walks off. I dont know which was worse, them not visiting or now visiting. Now all of a sudden because of christmas they dont get it again.........
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