Opinions please - is there something 'wrong' with my son?

[GGandT]

DS is 6.8 and I've had problems with his behaviour since he was a toddler but I feel nobody is taking my concerns seriously.

He does well at school, is exceptionally good at Maths and is also very good at reading, although he doesn't enjoy writing much. He is well behaved in school too, has lots of friends and generally keeps his head down and gets on with his work.

However, it can be challenging for me to get him to school in the morning, he hates getting ready, getting dressed and getting to school, will often refuse, there's been many times when I have had to pin him down and get him dressed (which isn't easy as he's tall and strong!).
He gets very anxious and worried if we are late or if he has forgotten something, eg if he's left his book bag at home or if he's forgotten his homework, he'll refuse to go in school out of fear of getting in trouble, he's even tried to run off a few times.

He'll sometimes refuse to go to new places, gets very apprehensive and anxious about new things/people/places.
Eg he was invited to a party at a trampoline park a few weeks ago, he knew all the children there but he refused to go in or take part. He ran off out of the building.
Once we got him in the cafe and he had a drink and a cake he soon cheered up and went and joined in and had a wonderful time.
This kind of thing happens often, we have missed out on doing so many things because he refuses to go.

His behaviour is really unpredictable, one minute he can be fine, the next he can be having an almighty tantrum about almost nothing.

He gets very angry about little things, sometimes he lashes out and hits and kicks me.

He doesn't seem bothered about people seeing him having a tantrum, he lashed out at me in front of his friend the other week, hit me and kicked me and ran away and hid from me. Wasn't bothered in the slightest about looking silly in front of his friend.

He's very very sensitive to being hungry, he has a good appetite and eats well but he claims to be absolutely starving when he comes out of school, 9/10 times when he has one of his melt downs it is after school or when it is approaching a meal time.
However, the dentist has told me to try and avoid snacking as he's developed a cavity, so what am I to do?

He's also very sensitive to sounds eg hand dryers (he always uses disabled toilets to avoid them), hair dryers, the sound of hair clippers in the hair dressers etc.

I think he's quite possibly depressed, he keeps saying that everybody hates him and that he wants to run away, he's made comments about just wanting to stay in bed all day.

I've spoken to his teacher about his behaviour and his mood on numour occasions but she hasn't done anything to help. At his last parents evening she said she would speak to the SENCO to see if they could offer any support but I've heard nothing.

I've also spoken to GP about it and again she just shrugged it off, I mentioned that I have wondered if he has SPD but she said she has never heard of it and just said ''well every child is different''.

I just feel that because DS is doing well at school and his behaviour is good there, they're not really too bothered about what is going on at home or how he is feeling.

This weekend I sat down with DS to do his homework and we read that his teacher has written on last week's homework ''this is very messy work'', no comment about the wonderful sums he has done all by himself. He got sooo upset by it, said he was going to punch and kick his teacher etc etc. He was heart broken, said he was never going to school again.
I just don't understand why a teacher who knows how sensitive he is, who I have spoken to about how unhappy he is, about how he doesn't like going to school, would write that comment. I'm so upset by it.

I've emailed school and asked to speak to the Head about it.

I think when DS was 3/4 years old his behaviour could just be passed off as 'normal' but now as he's getting older I really think it's not typical behaviour and he needs to some help.

I feel like I'm going mad here, can anyone relate to these problems and help me get the help we need?

Sorry for the huge post, just didn't want to drip feed.

[tartanterror]

Sorry forgot to say that because age 7 he was doing really well academically, the school senco didn't think he had issues that she could help with, but the SALTs had more experience spotting higher level communication/rigid thinking problems. Maybe you could try your local service? We have drop is sessions at the local children's centre which might be a first port of call?

[redcaryellowcar]

I read a book by Jamie Williamson about highly sensitive children at te weekend because my ds does similar things to yours, I'd highly recommend it as a starting point, I have the highly sensitive book by Aron to read next which is more detailed. It basically describes being highly sensitive as a personality trait? Eg at parties he will have a higher awareness of noise, danger, excitement etc and as a pp suggested may need time to absorb the atmosphere before he can join in and enjoy himself.

[bibblebobblebubble]

GGandT I had to reply to this post. So much of what you say is similar to DS2 (slightly younger - 5.5 years old).

• Will get angry and tantrum at the tiniest thing, and is beyond rational discussion, threats, rewards once in that mood. Used to growl a lot, more recently verbalises it - I'm really angry, I'm not listening ever again, I hate you etc. This happens daily and is a major major disruption to family life. We don't give in to them but that doesn't prevent them next time
  
• Single-minded and stubborn to a very high degree. Impossible to do some things e.g. give him medicine no matter what bribes are offered
  
• Cautious, unadventurous, likes being at home
  
• Very clingy with me - leaving the house for work in the mornings is becoming traumatic
  
• Can focus for a long time, alone, and is intelligent (early reader). Hates being interrupted
  
• Some sensory sensitivities - doesn't like being kissed, doesn't like rough surfaces, bothered by loud noise or strong smells
  

But - he is doing well at school, definitely has friends and normal social interactions, is ok with parties (though can be quite antisocial in other ways - e.g. with some people has a real problem with saying hello or goodbye), has no problem with eye contact

Trouble is, the difficult behaviours if anything are getting worse.

We are seeing a child psychologist (not with him) to get advice. So far what's come out of it is:

• Some traits we're describing are aspergers like, though others not and obviously not having met him there's no diagnosis
  
• She favours ignoring and distraction wherever possible rather than punishment. If a quick play on the iPad works, go for it
  
• No overly strict punishments e.g. don't shut him in his room, no smacking
  
• Make some simple clear rules with the absolute minimum expected behaviour; firm voice to say what's unacceptable; ignore the smaller stuff
  
• Praise the good however small
  

Only had one session so far. Happy to post again later if we make progress. It's really wearing for us (and his older brother - who can be naughty but for whom the 'normal' super nanny-type charts, consequences work in a way that utterly fail for DS2).

[Spandexpants007]

My DS is like this but has come out as NOT on the ASD scale. The Sensitive. Child book by arron really fitted though

[cockadoodledoooo]

The tips given have been very helpful to us too as we have the same with 4 year old dd. Very hyper, which can be unbearable at times, as she jumps all over despite being told it hurts or shouts and babbles incoherently. It is like she just has to get it out, not appearing in control.
She is very demanding and has to have things done specifically or there is a massive melt down. Simply leaving the house takes an hour and even simple transition is hellish.
She is very clearly anxious, which creates tummy aches and poor behaviour.
She is violent to us and herself and has never slept through the night and has night terrors/sleep walking and talking.
She will only eat certain foods and they have to be cold. We have not eaten a cooked dinner hot since she weened!
She doesn't stop moving, even to eat, always has an excuse to leave table or to run around. But if she is interested in something will sit calmly and quietly for hours.
I don't know how to discipline her anymore because she doesn't care and lashes out. She has hurt her little sister several times and laughs when told off or sees her crying. We are exhausted and at our wits end now.

We are waiting for a community paediatric appt to come through now, but we have been waiting for help for over 2 years.

Has your dd been effected by ds behaviour?