toddler won't go to sleep - maybe scared?

[SoTiredOfTheWheelsOnTheBus]

DS is now 2.5 years, and until recently, there had been no problems getting him to sleep at night (preventing him from waking early was another issue!), but in the last week or so this has really changed. We've kept his routine the same (milk and story, brush teeth, tuck him into bed, lights out, sing his song), but recently he's been fine up to the tuck him into bed part. When you say 'bed time' he will refuse to get into bed, if you try to pick him up he'll run out of the room. I'm concerned that he may be scared as the other night when I was trying to put him to bed, he was cuddling his teddy and said 'teddy scared'. When I asked what teddy was scared of, he said monsters. I tried to reassure him that everything was okay, but I'm not really sure how to handle this at his age - do I just reassure him that there is nothing to be scared of, there are no monsters? I quite like the character Susan in Terry Pratchett's Discworld - if children are scared of monsters, arm them with a poker to defend themselves, but I don't think this would help a 2 year old If he is scared, it is a very real feeling for him and I don't want to belittle him by saying it's silly to be scared. How do you deal with this?

Also, I'm worried about the situation escalating - at first he would get into bed and go to sleep if I stayed in his room until he was asleep (not ideal as he's always been able to get himself to sleep by himself), but now he's refusing even to get into bed. Last night it took 90 minutes of trying/crying before he finally got into bed and went to sleep.

Is this just a phase he'll go through and grow out of? If your children went through this, how did you make it better?

[parentlove]

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[doireallyhaveto]

reviving an old-ish thread... our DS (23 months) has been a fantastic sleeper until the last week or so - bedtime routine was really simple, he would ask to go to bed smile and wake when we left, sing to himself and be asleep within 5 minutes.

Then last week it all went ape. He becomes anxious as we close his book before lights out (which he used to look forward to) and now howls like his soul is tormented, from the point when we put him down.

His language isn't yet sufficiently developed for him to tell us what's upsetting him, so we're falling back on controllled crying as it worked before. But he does just seem to become more agitated and upset with each visit - almost like it prolongs the agony. And it somehow feels much harder now, with the heart-wrenching cries of 'Mum-meee, Dad-deeee - Ug!'.

Any clues as to cause / cures?

Desperate for a fix as No 2 due next week. Arg.

I'm guessing it's to do with his imagination developing and allowing him to generate fears, but i've got no idea how best to handle this.

[Anjelika]

Hi Sotired

The earlier bedtime is a struggle for us too on nursery days but we get back at 5.30 so that gives 30 mins for snack/play then we try and start his bath at 6 with a view to him being in bed before 7. Last night he actually went down without a cry. He jumped up after his last story (in the cot) and started to cry a bit and say "Mummy stay" but I gave him his George Pig toy and he lay down and went to sleep. I think it might've been a one-off fluke as he was very tired (no nap at nursery) but it was so nice to have him go to sleep "happy" for the first time in about 3 weeks.

I saw some other mums last night with toddlers the same age and even the previous fantastic sleepers seem to be developing a fear of being on their own right now. One friend said she tells her DS she is just going to the toilet or to hang out some washing and he then "allows" her to leave the room without crying and goes to sleep. This is the second time this week I've heard someone say they use this tactic so it might be worth a try.

Anjelika

[SoTiredOfTheWheelsOnTheBus]

Thanks Anjelica, it's reassuring to know that it's not just happening to us. The earlier bedtime wouldn't work all that well, as a couple of days a week he's at nursery, doesn't get home until 6, then by the time he's had a snack and we've played quietly for a bit, we start bedtime by 6.45 anyway.

Last night we tried keeping everything calm and quiet, we even gave in and had more than one bedtime story as a special treat (he always asks for more than one story, but we've never given in before), but each time we even suggested it was time to turn the light off and leave the room, he started crying. He was quite happy when we were in the room (getting that glazed look in his eye which meant he was really sleepy), but refusing to lie down on the bed. In the end, we had to leave him crying whilst we had our dinner, then went back to him. In the end, it was 9.30 before he finally allowed us to leave the room.

[Anjelika]

Hi

My 2.5 year old has suddenly started to fear going to bed too, although he's not said it's because he's scared of anything. About 3 weeks ago it started and basically as soon as we get to the end of his last story, he is up on his feet in the cot, clinging onto whichever of us is putting him to bed and begging us to sleep with him. He cries and seems really quite disturbed.

I'm afraid I haven't got any advice for you - just to let you know that it's all changed for us at the same age too. We have been putting him to bed earlier (as recommended by Health Visitor I spoke to who thought he was maybe over tired) and going in after 5 minutes. Usually after about another 4 minutes crying he goes to sleep. But he is also waking either in the night or very early in the morning (4.30 onwards) and doing the same thing. Tbh we just give in at that point and one of us beds down on a mattress on the floor in his room as we can't bring ourselves to have him screaming in the night or up from 4.30!

Hope you get some sort of resolution soon. We're 3 weeks in with no sign of it letting up. I have tried offering to leave the light on and playing audio CDs but all he wants is for one of us to sleep with him and he cries his eyes out when we don't. The one night I did sit in with his room with him till he went to sleep, it took an hour and a quarter so we went back to the controlled crying - at least with that he is going to sleep within about 15 mins.

Anjelika

[SoTiredOfTheWheelsOnTheBus]

Thanks Mrs Badger, I liked the anti-monster spray. Will have to try it.

[MrsBadger]

you are quite right not to belittle his fears - there are some good anti-monster rituals on this thread