How do you put your child to bed?

[coffeewithmilk]

My boy is nearly 2.5 years old

I feel like an awful mother because everytime the day is nearing to 7pm, I actually get the dread of having to put him to bed.
He resists it.. hysterics.. could have to lie with him for up to 1.5 hours.. I just want to sit in silence at the end of it

Please tell me I'm not alone.. when does bedtime get easier.. is it his age?

To throw fire into the mix I also have a newborn and husband has been in the office at a work thing this evening.. I've lost the will trying to do bedtime and the newborn is very unsettled now

Am I the only one??

Solidarity. I have a 4.5 year old who wiggles about for an hour, telling me she’s not tired about a 1000 times before she eventually rolls over and goes to bed! I also have a 1 year old and a OH who is never home at bedtime due to work. I get the dread of bedtimes, it’s hard work!!!

My 2.5 year old is an absolute wallop at bedtime, like a jack in a box. Screaming, carrying on, throwing himself out of bed, in and out of his bedroom, emptying his clothes out of his drawers you name it he’s on it. If I sit in his room he escalates until I have to intervene because it’s dangerous. I actually was going to start a thread tonight asking for tips because I’m at the end of my tether with it

Only gave the one he is 5 years , often fell asleep before him in bed with him.
now can read a book and tell him I have jobs and he. Goes off nicely literally turned last few weeks, does wake up in night still but just occasionally will let me tuck him in the sit on the bed until asleep knowing I will leave - other times I cuddle in bed. I can see the end of it . Infact last night he slept through the night bar one re settle - that hasn't happened in a couple of years - so it will get better. With two kids I would be tempted to get husband his own bed and hair fall asleep in your bed with the kids - survival and all that ( a lot would disagree ) but I have found that Thomas is naturally becoming more independent I didn't have to persist with the terrifying him leaving him alone in his room . I remember how scared I was - cold sweats petrified of the shadows trying to not breath to loud or move - it wasn't fun

We have an older primary child who I read to and then say the same pagan prayer to each night, he then reads for a bit. He’s compliant with routine but has sleep issues (ND). Our youngest is just moving into own bed from co-sleeping and one of us stays with her until she’s asleep (too young to know if ND). We each read her a story and then she snuggles down and listens to instrumental music. It takes her a longish time to fall asleep and some nights she’s more disruptive, but in general she’ll settle ok. She sleep walks and talks and is generally a bonkers asleep person, but that’s another story!

general sleep recommendations are:

• enough exercise in the day
• down regulating activities before bed
• tryptophan containing foods before bed
• Bedtime lasting 20-30 minutes (personally mine need longer)
• start late and adjust back if necessary
• no screen time for at least an hour before bed (the longer the better)
• dim lights before you start routine and throughout it
• if a sleep time bath, don’t play with toys, make it a gentle and soothing activity
• Try massage to soothe them
• ensure room is dark and try a red light night light
• move toys out of bedroom (or hide - ds has his in a cupboard as no space to be out of room and younger siblings)
• try white (or brown or pink etc) noise or ocean waves or gentle music

The other tips I have are more ND related and less general, but all in all it’s persevere, stick to the routine and (unless there’s another issue) they will finally manage it. Chatting about bedtime earlier in the day or reading books around sleep and bed can help. (‘Goodnight, Harry’ is a lovely one where he can’t sleep and his friends help him.) Sticker charts towards a toy or day out can help. Using sleepy language can help. Reminding them to cuddle teddy (and also to tuck teddy in and settle them down) can help.

It can feel really long and exhausting when you’re in it, but it will become easier and gradually they become more settled into the routine and able to fall asleep themselves.

Goodness you guys are heroes. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. They both just go to sleep with their doors closed, no crying. Often a bit of negotiation from my preschooler (a bit more story etc) but she knows not to push it. Occasionally she gets out of bed and gets told off. Promising to come back for a cuddle in 5 minutes also works for the difficult days; she’s always asleep within 5 minutes anyway! No nonsense, very consistent routine with the same number of books every night. She also waits for her gro clock to change colour before getting out of bed in the morning. Rather uncompliant in most other aspects of life though so swings and roundabouts!

My 7yo falls asleep beautifully

The little one is just a whole lot of person! He’s very very stubborn and has thrown himself wholeheartedly into being 2. I think if I tried to give him a massage he would lose his tiny mind…he definitely needs a lot of running off in the day which he does get and then we’ve got a good routine at bedtime but suddenly all hell is breaking loose. This evening he asked to go to bed, we did the whole routine, he lay down for 35 mins while I sat outside his door then suddenly decided he was getting back up to be extremely silly instead.

OP, could it be time to drop the nap if you have a 2.5 year old resisting bedtime? Or maybe you’ve already done that and actually he’s so tired he can’t regulate his emotions?

This is parenting in a nutshell. Are they tired enough...or too tired? 😂

Try story books on an audio devise.

Stay upstairs asking jobs - I used to put the washing away etc so they could hear me but stayed in bed.

No messing bar wanting extra stories. I’d threaten o read a dull Harding book of they started messing round - it usually worked a treat.

So true! 😂

Oh god, we fuck it up every single day. Four year old and twin pre-schoolers. The twins are in together and howl, bite, jump on each other and try to get into the chimney - one parent has to spend 90 minutes slowly inching our ASD twin towards giving in to sleep.

The other parent is with the four year old battling night terrors, under the bed monsters and interesting science facts.

By the time all three are asleep it's impossible to get out of knackered mode ourselves. The rest of the evening is a write off.

I remember having that with my eldest when she was around that age or a bit older. Would have knots in my stomach leading to bedtime because she would scream!! I used to stay for ages in the room or at the door running through my repertoire of made up stories. We got a nightlight in case that was it, a musical bear …Thought it would never end. It did.
My two youngest (4 and 2) go to bed, in the dark, with no fuss. (So far anyway!). We do stories before bed and that’s it then.

Not sure if we learned our lesson and didn’t want to repeat the madness or if they’re just different kids. Oldest still takes the longest but in a nice way because we chat about her day, and she reads herself for a while.

Good luck OP. It does end but being in the thick of it is tough!!!

A sticker chart worked well for us when DS1 went through a tricky patch for bedtime. One sticker for each stage: pj's on, teeth brushed, up the stairs without a fuss, etc. And then a little prize, like a bouncy ball or bubbles when he got 10 stickers.

It wasn't long at all until we could just put them all into one lot of 'all your bedtime jobs' and then add in other struggle points to the chart: sit nicely at the table for dinner, try new foods, hold hands in the car park...

My kids have birthdays coming up within a few weeks so I basically have a 2 year old DS & 3 year old DD.

Once I start changing nappies/clothes and say ‘brush your teeth’ they know it’s bedtime. I put both kids in their own cots, give them water, say night and that’s it.

DD has ASD so she’ll often spin around in her cot or maybe jump up and down but she’ll eventually crash out within 20mins. DS falls asleep within 5mins. One of them may wake up in the night so I’ll give them a small hot cross bun and leave them to it😂

I genuinely do not have the energy to fight my children once bedtimes approaching. Since they were about 8 weeks old, I’d just put them in their cot and they’d both fall asleep.

OP, maybe yours isn’t that tired by bedtime? I find that if DD sleeps at nursery, she may be awake for around 45/50 mins before she sleeps. However, if she doesn’t, she goes to bed after she’s finished stimming

7pm bed is early if he's still napping. My 16m old naps 2hrs and goes to bed at 7.30, wakes at 6.30. If you're aiming for too early bed maybe he isn't tired enough so is resisting?

Get the Ferber sleep training book.

My DD is 2 so not sure if I will face these struggles in coming months but she will not fall asleep unless she has stayed awake right amount. At the moment her wake window is 7-8h so I don't bother trying earlier. Towards her sleep time I have same routine every day with snack, change to pyjama and brushing teeth. Then we go to bed and we stay in the dark room until she falls asleep. It takes her 5min to 20min to fall asleep as I have timed it to end of her wake window. I have already had this same routine so she knows it's time to go to sleep.

We had an extra tall stair gate on the door at that age! Nothing to do with too tired or not tired enough, just terrible 2s and if he wasn’t forced to stay in his bed (or rather room since he had already escaped the cot) then he’d be up wandering and causing all kinds of chaos. Grew out of it though and is now 3 and a delight at bedtime!

Maybe he's not tired enough when you put him to bed?
My son is 2 years 3 months and he doesn't have a set bed time really. It's when I think he's tired which depends on his day and length of nap. Generally he sleeps between 8 and 9.30 but can be as early as 7.30 if he's had a short nap and a very busy day. If I time it wrong it takes a long time to get him to sleep. But generally takes around 15/20 minutes.
He has a bath, pjs, teeth. 2 stories and then I tickle his arm for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes he falls asleep and if he doesn't by then , I leave the room and say good night and he falls asleep on his own.
I stopped breast feeding him nearly 2 months ago now so this is all new to me as he used to feed to sleep but he's adjusted well.
Maybe 7pm is too early ??

Thanks everyone for your replies

He is currently in his own room (has been since 6 months old)
Moved to a floor bed in December, stairgate on the door.
He wakes anytime between 5.30-6.30, naps from 11-12.30. Bedtime has always been 7pm.. generally if he is up later he gets into that awful realm of overtiredness and is even worse

I initially did the Ferber method when he was around 6ish months and it worked really well.. has tried it again this time around but he becomes so hysterical it's hard to listen to.

I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, he's usually such a happy boy and I'm putting it down to his age.
Please I hope it passes soon