4 months too young for sleep training?

[SKP86]

Hi all,

My DS is 17 weeks and I’ve tried sleep training him for the past 3 weeks and it’s just not working as well as I’d hope. He started sleeping through the night, but now wakes a few times and finds it hard to self settle.

I used to rock him to sleep but now put him in his crib and let him sleep on his own. Sometimes he sucks on his hand and falls asleep, otherwise times he gets frustrated and just cries and cries until I have to hold him again and then put him in his crib when he’s fallen asleep. Today he was crying for 40 minutes and I thought sod that, I felt like a terrible mum!

Nap times are bad as we go through this process 3 or 4 times a day and it’s exhausting. It takes ages putting him to sleep and he only naps for 45 minutes at a time.

My question is, will it get better and am I pressuring him too early? I am aware of awake windows so put him down before he gets overtired.

Thank you!!

[Houseofvelour]

There's nothing awful about a mother and father wanting to sleep better.
I have two toddlers who simultaneously decided that sleep just wasn't for them so believe me, I know how excruciatingly difficult sleep deprivation is.
I just don't believe causing unnecessary stress to an infant (when they're going through a completely normal sleep regression) is the way to go.

[Sleepless2022]

This thread is six months old so I imagine the OP has sorted the sleep out by now

[MumofOne111111]

@Houseofvelour

It doesn't teach them to self soothe, it teaches them not to bother crying because they know no one's coming.

Except when you do go in at timed intervals and reassure them?

Why do you find the idea of a mother/father wanting everyone to sleep better so awful?

[Houseofvelour]

It doesn't teach them to self soothe, it teaches them not to bother crying because they know no one's coming.

[hellohithere]

@MumofOne111111

God the judgement on this site is ridiculous!
The OP isn’t barbaric or uncaring - trying to help your baby develop the skills to sleep well is soooo cruel is it? SMH

There is plenty of evidence based research (collated by paediatricians) that states that by 4 months babies have the developmental and cognitive abilities to learn to settle themselves to sleep and break the sleep associations that they currently rely on such as rocking and feeding.

I’m any case the OP came for advice on whether her baby may be too young to sleep train (which does not work for every baby as every baby is different) and was met by a barrage of abuse! We are all trying to navigate motherhood and don’t know what challenges anyone faces include PND/PNA - so all you ‘caring mothers’ who are so quick to judge - you should be ashamed.

And for the record I have a 4.5 month old who sleeps through the night and wakes up so happy and cheerful after his restful sleep. Additionally after 8 hours sleep I don’t spend the whole day waiting for a nap so I can catch up on sleep.

You do you OP - go with your gut - if you want to sleep train - go for it

Here here!!! This is exactly what I was trying to put across. Some people on here just love to tear others down. It's pathetic and sad! X

[MumofOne111111]

I assume you still live in a cave and sleep on a pile of furs with your baby otherwise what you’re doing is inhumane - I mean that’s what the cavemen did right?

OP better not try to sleep train or the bears and wolves will be knocking on your door

[MumofOne111111]

God the judgement on this site is ridiculous!
The OP isn’t barbaric or uncaring - trying to help your baby develop the skills to sleep well is soooo cruel is it? SMH

There is plenty of evidence based research (collated by paediatricians) that states that by 4 months babies have the developmental and cognitive abilities to learn to settle themselves to sleep and break the sleep associations that they currently rely on such as rocking and feeding.

I’m any case the OP came for advice on whether her baby may be too young to sleep train (which does not work for every baby as every baby is different) and was met by a barrage of abuse! We are all trying to navigate motherhood and don’t know what challenges anyone faces include PND/PNA - so all you ‘caring mothers’ who are so quick to judge - you should be ashamed.

And for the record I have a 4.5 month old who sleeps through the night and wakes up so happy and cheerful after his restful sleep. Additionally after 8 hours sleep I don’t spend the whole day waiting for a nap so I can catch up on sleep.

You do you OP - go with your gut - if you want to sleep train - go for it

[Thatwentbadly]

@ManicPixie - I asked because people sleep training for different reasons. If we know the reason behind her choice then we can offer alternatives which maybe helpful.

[Tcm82]

Maybe too young but take a look at Sleep Ninjas on YouTube. They have some great tips on sleeping and sleep music and sounds.

[rhowton]

We did it at 10 months and then it was a mild sleep training!! Never cry it out!

[Jobsharenightmare]

Hi OP

I recommend you watch the relevant videos on Millpond Sleep Clinic website for professional advice.

[AntiHop]

I'd suggest reading up on gentle parenting eg Sarah ockwell Smith.

I never sleep trained and never left my daughter to cry. I went back to work full time when she was 9 months old, in a very busy job. I was exhausted, but I don't regret it.

[firesidetartan]

@Ashlee0304

Wow. So so out of line. Talk about troll. This thread is turning very toxic. You should all be ashamed. A lady was asking for help and advice. No one said anything about endangering their child. Will be reporting you. Shame on you.

I'm not a troll? I was responding, to you, in line with current sleep advice. You can report me if you want but I'm not sure I actually said anything that wasn't factually correct. So crack on hen..

[TomHardyAndMe]

Anyhoo, babies of this age don’t generally self settle, shouldn’t be left to cry it out, or to sleep away from an adult (SIDS guidelines based on decades of research). It’s tough but it will pass. And if both parents help with it it should lessen the load on OP. (I had to do it with no help 6 days a week as DH worked away. I did whatever got us the most sleep and handed over to him when he was home.)

Good luck OP. These days/nights will be a distant memory in no time.

[TomHardyAndMe]

I think you’ve had a name change fail, lovely. Maybe calm down a bit before posting.

[hellohithere]

@TomHardyAndMe

Darling, have you heard of angel care? Or owlet?

They monitor the baby’s breathing? They don’t replicate adult breathing.

Understand, darling? Some of us have been studying baby and child development and psychology for decades. So pipe down with your “whatever” parenting. Some things absolutely do matter.

Studying for decades??? Whatever parenting??? Wow, decades studying so you can criticise and try to make mums feel bad on the internet? You should be SO PROUD of yourself.
FYI, my children are so loved so so loved. If that's whatever parenting, then they are lucky.you have no idea about me so please don't comment on how I parent, pretty much the lowest of low blows.
And I bet you'd be one to go on about #bekind.when In practice.... not so kind.

[Lelophants]

Yes. Too young for their brain development (yes, even these so called gentle methods). Is also a complete waste of time. They'll move onto a new regression shortly after. Babies aren't meant to be easy (sorry!) I know it can be a real struggle though. I know it's easy to say but try and rest when he does. Or practise cosleeping if that works for you.

[TomHardyAndMe]

Darling, have you heard of angel care? Or owlet?

They monitor the baby’s breathing? They don’t replicate adult breathing.

Understand, darling? Some of us have been studying baby and child development and psychology for decades. So pipe down with your “whatever” parenting. Some things absolutely do matter.

[TomHardyAndMe]

[quote Ashlee0304]@TomHardyAndMe my husband is sat beside me thank you Very much, any way, how dare you insinuate being a single parent is wrong in any way??????
Absolute troll. [/quote]
I was asking about the OP’s partner. Who should be helping at night.......... I didn’t say anything about single parents.

[Ashlee0304]

@TomHardyAndMe

You don’t seem to understand that babies are not supposed to sleep deeply and need a daily breathing to remind them to. Not a monitor in the world can do that.

Darling, have you heard of angel care? Or owlet?

[Ashlee0304]

@TomHardyAndMe my husband is sat beside me thank you Very much, any way, how dare you insinuate being a single parent is wrong in any way??????
Absolute troll.

[Ashlee0304]

@firesidetartan

another comment about oh he's not in your room still?!

That's a very valid comment.

Some babies don't settle as well in the room with you!

Better an unsettled baby than a dead one.

That is the reason for the advice to keep baby with you for the first 6 months. People shouldn't be losing sight of that in order to have a better sleep.

Wow. So so out of line. Talk about troll. This thread is turning very toxic. You should all be ashamed. A lady was asking for help and advice. No one said anything about endangering their child. Will be reporting you. Shame on you.

[firesidetartan]

another comment about oh he's not in your room still?!

That's a very valid comment.

Some babies don't settle as well in the room with you!

Better an unsettled baby than a dead one.

That is the reason for the advice to keep baby with you for the first 6 months. People shouldn't be losing sight of that in order to have a better sleep.

[firesidetartan]

Women should support women

I see this a lot on Mumsnet. Nothing to do with my feelings about this thread but please do tell me why women should support women?

I don't support people based on their genitals. It's a bit deeper then that.

[TomHardyAndMe]

You don’t seem to understand that babies are not supposed to sleep deeply and need a daily breathing to remind them to. Not a monitor in the world can do that.