I’m not coping anymore! I can’t carry on like this

[Loukifre]

Just got down from spending yet again a full hour trying to put my 7 month old down for nap. I can’t do this anymore. She just cries and cries, and the only way to stop it is to literally so vigorously rock and I want to stop as my back and legs are in agony as they’re not getting a rest. And then she FINALLY starts closing her eyes but the second I put her down she cries again. I’m so ashamed of myself I just burst out crying along with her And I know that’s just gonna make things so much worse now.

I need to change this. I can’t carry on like this!

Her night sleep is really good, and everyone says I’m so lucky and I feel like I can’t really complain but this nap situation is absolutely killing me. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’m so stressed everyday. My mental health is being affected. When the app says it’s nearly nap time or she rubs her eyes I now just start feeling stressed immediately, which again I know isn’t helping.

I hate it. I love my little girl to pieces but I just can’t do this anymore!!!!

[YukoandHiro]

How are you doing OP?

[LilaButterfly]

I really feel for you, because one of mine was the same. Perfect sleeper at night, but hard to settle at nap times. I also tried everything! shorter naps, earlier, later, everything just turned out worse. DC grew out of it eventually when she was a bit over 1 year old.
What helped me physically with the rocking was one of those giant fitness balls. I just bounced on that holding her til she fell asleep. Much less exhausting than rocking and squats.

[Disappointedkoala]

Co sleep for naps? When DDs napping went crap I just used to get into bed with her rather than driving myself demented trying to get her to sleep in the cot. Meant I could sleep too or could roll out once she was fast asleep. (We very rarely coslept at night - only when she was ill).

Agree about ditching the app, id watch her like a hawk for a day or two and look for an early sleep cue

[Debradoyourecall]

2 naps of less than an hour sounds similar to my babies at that age.

As some others have said, not many babies can resist napping in the sling. Have her facing inwards. When my baby gets grumpy in the morning, I put her in the sling and go for a walk. Sometimes it does take 40 minutes for her to drop off, but that’s ok. If she wants to sleep, she’ll sleep. Babies like the comfort of being next to you, snuggled up warm in your chest.

Some babies are just less sleepy than others, and it sounds like she’s sleeping great at night.

[Aria2015]

If she likes being rocked, have you ever tried putting her on a rocker for a nap? My son used to nap for a couple of hours in his at this age in his. I'd take off the dangly toy things, strap him in and tuck in a blanket around him and then rock him with my foot while I sat on the sofa. Once he was in a proper sleep I could stop rocking and if he stirred I'd just rock him again a bit and he'd nod back off. This was the kind of rocker...

I must confess that he would also nap in his cot so we didn't use it all the time but we used the rocker too and it always worked well.

[Itllbeaninterestingchristmas]

As others have said I’d go for walknwith the pram. It will take a few days/weeks to train her to nod off or she might not but it doesn’t seem as bad outside. And she may happily watch the world go by whilst you sit with a coffee.
My first had very short naps unless pushed out in push chair or driven in the car and he didn’t sleep at night either. My second who’s 10weeks old will only have a decent nap if driven out, I’m currently pushchair training her.
Definitely ditch the app. Some babies are sleep fighters (I was apparently, in every photo I look exhausted) my first is, they just have to survive on less sleep and you have to put up with the whining unfortunately. It’s great that she sleeps well at night so just try to manage the day times as best you can.

[Happyhappyday]

Also, if you do nap train, strongly recommend going outside with monitor on silent, commit to just doing it, it’ll probably only take a couple days and it’ll be much harder for you to commit if you listen to yelling.

[Happyhappyday]

I would just nap train her. Our pediatrician said sometimes kids just wake up too early when they are used to not napping very long and if you just leave them in the cot (alone, you not in the room), they’ll go back to sleep.

I know some kids do better with a parent in the room to help to go to sleep but not all do. It 100% makes things worse when we go in. We nap trained around 6 months, I thought it sounded awful - first day DD woke up after 40 mins, yelled for 10, chatted for 10, grumbled for 10 then back to sleep. Next day, half as much grumbling, 3rd day she napped for 90 mins and continued to nap for 90 mins twice a day with no grumbling for the next year. I didn’t love leaving her in the cot upset but it was SO MUCH worse for her to be exhausted every day. 30 minutes of crying was upsetting for me, not for her!

[Whitenoiseforthewin]

@Oblahdeeoblahdoe

Sorry if I've missed it but has anyone suggested a sling? It will save your back and hopefully help to soothe her and let her drop off in her own time.

Second this. My DS was a pain at naptimes but the sling was a game changer. We also attempted in the buggy in the front room which is only big enough for a back and forward motion. At the start, it could take 45 mins of crying and comforting before he would fall asleep. Then after about a week of this, it would take 5 mins max with no crying.
OP, hang in there. X

[Oblahdeeoblahdoe]

Sorry if I've missed it but has anyone suggested a sling? It will save your back and hopefully help to soothe her and let her drop off in her own time.

[SinkGirl]

My twins are 4, both are horrendous sleepers (they are both autistic). When they were babies I obviously couldn’t hold and bounce them both at the same time - I bought a couple of second hand baby bjorn bouncers and would bounce them in there until they dozed off and once asleep I would move them. Once they were a bit older they’d sometimes just nap in them in the lounge (with me sat next to them) as they reclined, plus they folded flat so easy to take up and downstairs etc. They helped a lot.

Also are you using white noise? I thought it was nonsense until I used it but it had to be loud.

[Emmacb82]

My first was a really bad sleeper both at naps and at night and I used to get super stressed by it, thinking what have I done wrong and feeling guilty because I couldn’t give my baby what he needed. And then one day I just realised that this was what he was like, I lowered my expectations and things were a lot easier to cope with.
I think you need to take the stress out of it. And maybe stick to one method of putting her to sleep. So either pick up put down, or patting and shushing in the cot. At the moment you’re doing a combination of a lot of things with the feeding/rocking/picking up/comforting in the cot so she is probably a bit confused as to what is happening. Try and go into it with a positive attitude, babies are very good at feeding off your emotions. If she feels that you are uptight and anxious about her going to sleep, she won’t settle. And I think if she doesn’t settle for a nap, don’t stress yourself out for an hour trying to make it happen. Think to yourself ‘oh well, maybe next time’, bundle her up in the pram and go for a walk instead.

It’s incredibly difficult and I really sympathise. My second is now 6 months and for the first 5 months he wouldn’t nap at all. He would wake up at 06:00 and stayed awake the whole day until bedtime. I tried naps and he just screamed the place down. The game changer for me was that he found his thumb and was able to send himself to sleep sucking it. See this as a phase, she will get to the other side of it and she will sleep better one day. Lower your expectations of what you think she should be doing and it will help you mentally deal with it better x

[Loukifre]

I want to thank everyone for their comments. This situation is definitely stressing me out way too much and every day is just so hard going.

So I couldn't get her to nap again. We went out to the park to get some fresh air. Put her on the swing and she just stared at me like a zombie with massive eye bags the poor thing!

Tried a nap again about 4pm. She got really upset. Proper screaming crying this time that not even vigorous rocking could stop.

Chilled downstairs playing with toys and singing songs. Bit hyper, lots of laughing, but super needy and has to be interacted with constantly as so over tired.

I'm now doing the bedtime routine. She's in her cot now grumbling and winding down (I'm lying on the floor) I expect a few pick up put downs and lots of tears, and once she's down I expect that one wakeup after 30 minutes and then that's it for today. 2 naps, totalling less than an hour, trying to get her to sleep for probably about 3 4 hours in total. And tomorrow it starts all over again.

She has only napped in the pushchair very rarely even if awake for over 3 hours. And she usually takes 40 mins of walking before she conks out. Then a motorbike will drive past or kids will yell and she's awake again and super whingey.

I can try pushing pushchair in house, but again really small house so can't really walk with it. Would have to push from sofa which I've tried before when she was much younger, but then an Amazon guy banged on the door. I swear everything is against me!!

[Artus]

Or sit in bouncy chair and rock with my foot (possibly very lazy parenting!)

[Artus]

I also walked for hours with a baby in a pram. If she sleeps great, if not it doesnt seem as bad. Or put in car seat, drive to carpark at park a couple of miles away, baby would fall asleep before we got there, I would read in the car.

[edgeware]

I spent months of DSs life walking him around in the pram for naps. Great fitness, would listen to radio 4 on the BBC Sounds app. He’s 2.5 now and we go for a sleepy drive - drive him round until he falls asleep, drive home, transfer him to cot. It’s worked for a while now. He can absolutely go to sleep by himself but it takes too long and I can’t be bothered.

[kezziethecat]

Can't you just go for a walk in the pram? You could listen to a podcast/ music and the cover of the pram up? Neither of my two ever napped in a cot - only a pram or baby carrier and it meant I got lots of exercise.

[UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme]

Are you in lockdown? Can you just take her out for awalk in the pram when you think she needs a nap? My first two were goid sleepers and had no nap routine at all - especially the second who just had to fit around whatever I was doing with dc1 and essentially had all his day naps in the sling or car...

[Caspianberg]

I would use pram tomorrow. At 9-9.30am take her for a walk. If she sleeps bonus. Sit down and get yourself a takeaway coffee

If it’s raining pop in pram in living room and walk around back and forth.

[YukoandHiro]

I've been there - it's so hard.

Firstly, is she ready to drop a nap? My little one dropped way earlier than anyone else and stopped all naps around age 2. We were on just one a day well before a year. If she's not really up for it, just skip it for a few days and see what happens.

Second, do you need to be putting her down at home? Does she nap on the pram/on the move? If so, what about if you incorporates errands/a walk around that time to just subsume it into that. Either she naps in the pram or she doesn't, but you've still got whatever you needed/wanted to do that morning done.

There's nothin worse then feeling like you can't control this - but actually, you can't. I've just had my second (12 days old) and I'm determined to be less prescriptive or bothered by naps this time

[peachgreen]

I had a baby like this and it was a nightmare. Sympathies. What worked for us was me utterly losing the will when she was about 11 months and just putting her in her cot awake, going in to comfort her (patting and saying "sleepy time now, I love you, ill see you when you wake up") after a minute, then 2, then 5, then at 10 minute intervals until she went to sleep. It took 3 increasingly easy days and then she started falling asleep with no or very little whinging. At first she only slept for half an hour or so but slowly that stretched to a good 2 hour nap. I couldn't believe I hadn't done it earlier, to be honest.

[FATEdestiny]

Loukifre - most babies who don't suck to sleep will cry to some degree when going to sleep. Certainly they will until self-settling techniques are well established.

Given you don't use a dummy and feeding to sleep would be a backward step - then I suspect what needs to change is your expectations. Your baby will cry when going to sleep.

Rather than fighting to stop that crying, instead you can just accept it as part of going to sleep and not get stressed/anxious/concerned about the crying. Just comfort your baby through the crying (ideally in the cot) and keep going until baby conks out and so stops crying.

[OverTheRainbow88]

OP you sound like you’re driving yourself crazy over a nap. That doesn’t sound healthy. Maybe you need to get out the house, baby in a sling, headphones on and listen to music and just keep walking. Eventually baby will sleep
And you’ll get fresh air!

[Loukifre]

Bedroom is too small for pushchair. Could try living room next time? Will give it a go

[Loukifre]

I can't do this. So first sign was an eye rub at 12.24 so took her straight upstairs. Then hyper babbling during rocking. Then gets hiccups as over tired. These can last 25 minutes, so have to breastfeed to get rid of them. Then rocking again for 20 minutes. Finally get her drowsy but only after her escalating from whinging to crying so I had to do vigorous rocks. Put her down, cries. Try and settle for 3 mins but just really crying. Pick up put down about 5 times but she conks out on the last one, meaning I've put her down asleep. Meaning she will wake up in 25 minutes crying.

This is my everyday. I cant function like this. Im crying and breaking down everyday.